Dimitri the Lover Returns With Some Timely Advice

dimitri-1Some of you might be wondering…what is the best day of the entire year to seduce sluts?According to our good friend Dimitri the Lover, today is the day: Bearing these keen observations in mind and integrating them with over 15 years of epidemiological slut seduction study data, Dimitri The Lover has found that THE DAY AFTER VALENTINE’S DAY is by far the best single day out of each year to seduce sluts …FORGET trying to pick up sluts  ON VALENTINE’S DAY, in that their expectations are WAY TOO UNREALISTICALLY HIGH.  However, every year on February 15th, Dimitri The Lover collects dozens of telephone numbers and books his lovemaking schedule well into the spring. And luckily this year the 15th falls on a MONDAY, so any slut that did not have herROMANTIC expectations fulfilled on the weekend will have the negative psychological effects greatly exacerbated by the impact of waking up to the dreaded MONDAY start to her work or school week, right in the middle of high season for SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER!

Often the most spiritually wounded of these ROMANTIC WALKING DEAD will mope around in a robotic state for weeks, exclaiming to their closest friends and co-workers that they have “given up on men”. This extended pathological rumination period makes them especially vulnerable to being systematically picked apart by whatDimitri The Lover sinisterly (yet lovingly) refers to as a“ROMANCE VULTURE”…Once the ROMANCE VULTURE has encircled the pre-qualified crowd, his talons armed with the most powerful set of seduction tools known to mankind, he can easily identify his prey by the stench of her ROTTING DEAD HEART. 

Of course, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that a documentary about Dimitri is coming out soon. A new trailer for the movie is out, and it is astounding (and NSFW). Porno snowmen, and romance vultures seducing sluts. What in the hell is happening to this once proud website?

Frosty the Pornowman

snowmanThe picture above has no pornographic connotations. It’s just a big damn snowman down the street from my house. But this snow figure, well, I’m not even sure it’s safe for work. Of course, that creation is nowhere near as disturbing as this snow porn scene. And this one isn’t much better. Now, before you get all “The whole world is going straight to hell”, please be advised that porno snowmen are nothing new. The following from something called PJonline: “the first recorded lewd snowmen (and snow-women) appeared in 1511, when the residents of Brussels, in a fit of anti-establishment anger, filled the city streets with hundreds of pornographic and political snow sculptures.”

Hundreds? Did they say hundreds? My god, that makes a snow penis at 10th and Fitzwater look downright quaint.

The Snow Quiz

IMG_1481I’m feeling lazy, but I’ll guess I’ll make a new quiz today, dammit. (yes, we are on for tonight.) Therefore, here is Tuesday’s wild card round, Snow. Answers are after the jump. (For more trivia questions, click here.)

  1. What video game developer has given us the games Warcraft, Starcraft, and Diablo?
  2. What group released an album in 1997 called Snowed In?
  3. What state does Olympia Snowe represent?
  4. Philadelphia’s record for snowfall in one storm is 30.7 inches, set in January of what year of the 1990s?
  5. This countries tallest mountains are the snowy mountains, with the highest point, Mt. Koscusko, standing at 7310 feet.
  6. What fast food chain has a creation called the blizzard?
  7. Who was the star of the film Snow Dogs?
  8. What car company produces a vehicle called the Avalanche?
  9.  What buxom starlet famously said, “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
  10.  What was one hit wonder Snow’s big hit?

Continue reading “The Snow Quiz” →

Make Some Delicious Snow Cream

Just made a bowl of snow cream, and it was so good I figured I’d share it.

  • 1 Cup of Milk
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla
  • Mixing bowl of snow.

Mix milk, sugar, and vanilla together. Pour on top of snow. Stir well and serve. Tastes just like vanilla ice cream. If you want to get fancy, you can add M&Ms or chocolate chips. Some people throw in a beaten egg, but the Ms. said that we don’t eat raw eggs, so that didn’t happen here. Enjoy!

-Chef Johnny

You can’t spell Quizzo without S-N-O-W

Ok, so maybe you can. Maybe you can spell it without the S or the W or the N. But both words share an “O”. There is simply no disputing that fact. Therefore, you should play quizzo tonight in the snow. I think we could see a few romantic questions this week, what with the big holiday coming up this weekend. Action starts at O’Neals at 8 p.m., then moves to Bards at 10:15 p.m. We had good turnouts at both places last week. Hopefully we can keep it up this week.

West Philadelphia Orchestra to Perform at Quizzo Bowl VI


A couple of years ago, when I did that quizzo at the Kimmel Center for summer solstice, I decided to stick around rather late and saw these guys perform in the main lobby. And they were incredible, so incredible that I thought, “I’ve got to get these guys for Quizzo Bowl one year.” This is the year. They will be performing at the TLA between rounds at Quizzo Bowl VI. You can learn more about them, and listen to more of their songs by going to their website or by going to their Myspace. But listening to them online doesn’t do them justice. They are just lights out live. Trust me. This is going to be a crazy show.

Quizzo Bowl Tix Go on Sale Tonight!

quizzobowlQuizzo Bowl tickets will go on sale tonight at Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo. They are also available for purchase online, but there is a service charge online, while there is no service charge to purchase them from me. Quizzo Bowl will be held on Saturday March 20th at the TLA. Tickets are $25 each, and that includes not only quizzo, but also a great between-round band, which will be announced later today, and a halftime comedy performance. And of course, plenty of giveaways and a few surprises, as always. Maximum team size is 8. Teams of 4 or less will be combined with other teams of 4 or less to make one larger team. If you have a smaller sized team or are a free agent hoping to help another team out, feel free to let me know beforehand and I’ll see if I can get you matched up beforehand. 

This event will sell out, so do not wait too long to purchase your tickets. Teams that dress up in uniforms or outlandish outfits will get VIP seating, just like last year. Yes, you are welcome to wear your uniforms from last year for credit. And no, one member dressing up does not count as the team dressing up. This is going to be a lot of fun, and there are even rumors of the Denver champions making an appearance at the event. I’ll have more on that soon.