The Narkotizing Dysfunktion won at the Bards on Tuesday night over the Sofa Kingdom, then expressed some surprise that this blog never really took off. “It really seemed like it was headed in the right direction,” said Stan Fretangelo of the Dysfunktion. “It was snarky, energetic, you could get to it by googling Dick Trickle. I especially liked the part where the guy talked about how awesome he was. That was my favorite.”

Alright, gang. Here’s the list of pizza places I have hit iin the Great Pizza Hunt so far, in order of my enjoyment. Yes I know I have not hit Tacconelli’s or Marra’s. They are both still on the list. I was gonna hit Marra’s with my parents on Sunday, but Jesus prevented that from happening. The pizza places are graded on a 1-5 pepperoni scale, with 5 being the supreme piece of pizza. Thus far, the highest score I have is a 4, and I’ve only given out one of those. And you thought LaBan was tough! Feel free to argue with this list, or to provide places you think I should hit that I haven’t gone to yet. And check back later today. Bobby Badtimes is set to return to the website. Pizza listing after the jump.

Continue reading “Favorite Pizza so far” →

The Pizza Hunt continued on Sunday, as Johnny and his Ma and Pa went out to grab a slice. Now, Sunday was apparently a celebration of some sort of cult figure dying and then rising from the dead, a cult figure worshipped by almost every single person in this city who produces pizza. Place after place was closed, so we finally settled on J & J Pizza in the Italian Market. It was a corner spot in the Italian Market that didn’t really seem to get a ton of traffic. Things were quiet, but there was a tv inside that was on. It was on the “community channel”, you know the one that shows you a graphic to let you know that Edna’s knitting circle will be meeting at Episcopal at 6:30 on Tuesday. I love that channel. Anyways, we ordered our pizza (pepperoni) and they brought it out. It was decent, but it didn’t really blow my doors or anything. I asked my mom to send an email with her thoughts about J & J:

Son, I swiped some of your stamps -sorry. The pizza was just a good old-fashioned homemade pizza. It was the kind with more cheese than tomato sauce, which was a plus in my book, and the price was reasonable. Also, it was served in a tiny restaurant where people probably eat on the run as opposed to a restaurant where one would chill or hang out. No beer available. I give it three pepperonis. Thanks for lunch both days and for a wonderful weekend which we enjoyed every minute of! Remember to take your vitamins!
My mom always tells me to take my vitamins. I got another e-mail from her later in the day, after I sent out my weekly newsletter. Apparently I misused an apostrophe, something my mom does not take lightly. This was the entire content of that email: You do not need an apostrophe in a possessive pronoun. Did you learn nothing in 7th grade English? Anyway, the pizza was ok. Nothing great. If you’re in the Italian Market, I would suggest Lorenzo’s. I give J&J 2 and a half pepperonis.

Now, I know what you people are thinking: Johnny, as an international mega-star, I’m sure you have hot dates each and every Saturday night with gorgeous models. And you’re right. Why just this past Saturday night I was out with international diva Triviana Hart (above, you should really click for the close up to appreciate her full beauty) at Celebre’s Pizza (1536 Packer, in the same shopping center as Chickie and Pete’s). Now when we showed up, we realized that the Flyers had a home game that night, so we were going to have to share the restaurant with a bunch of Neanderthals (aka Flyers fans). After a short wait, we got our seat. But the two waitresses were obviously overmatched by the huge crowd, and nobody even said hello to us for the fifteen minutes. Finally, we got our order taken. Here’s Triviana’s take:

Celebre’s is classic South Philadelphia pizza. You know the type, where everyone calls you hon. We were there with a big pre-Flyers crowd so we had to wait longer than usual for a table and to order. But that transgression was forgiven when we received our piping hot half pepperoni, half roasted pepper pizza. Both halves were very good, the pepperoni had some crisp edges, a necessity in my mind. The roasted peppers add a nice touch to the tasty string cheese and ample tomato sauce. The crust is thin and soft for the most part but there is some crunch as well. All in all it was an excellent pizza and I give it 3.5 pepperonis.
Triviana was right about the pizza. It was excellent. And I really liked the whole South Philly feel of the place. Having been a server, I know what it’s like to get slammed by a crowd at one time, and the server we had was fine, she was just too far in the weeds. But they shoulda had more people on the floor. Had we gotten excellent service, this place mighta gotten four pepperoni’s. But it’s still worth checking out, especially if you have a date with an international supermodel.

On Wednesday, I got an email from my old high school and college buddy Bryan Sterling (middle, with me on the right and my buddy Rob on the left**), aka Creamy B. He said he had a business meeting in Philly on Thursday, and did I wanna grab lunch? So I though to myself, “I gotta get this guy in on the Great Pizza Hunt.” I wanted to go to Marra’s, at least partly because that was the name of a girl who broke both of our hearts in high school. But we didn’t have time, so we went to By George’s at the Reading Terminal. The pizza looked really nice, but it was completely unmemorable. Kind of bland, no real excitement. There are definitely better places to eat at the Market. Of course, before we headed back to the train station, I had to get him to try the Amish pretzels dipped in butter. Those things are freaking incredible. Anyway, here was Bryan’s take:

The “healthy” slice of pizza was surprisingly good. The whole wheat crust was delicious, but the chef pushed the envelope a little too far by topping this pizza with celery. Once I removed the celery this slice was quite enjoyable. My second slice of pizza was a more traditional pepperoni and sausage. Although I did not feel healthy eating it, it went down well and forced me to think about a third slice. I’d rate this pizza experience a 2.5 out of 5 pepperonis (vs. stars). The pizza was good but I know Philadelphia has much better pie to offer.
Yeah, I gotta go with Bryan on this one. 2.5 at best.
***About five years ago, Bryan, Rob, and I (photo, above), who all grew up within half an hour of each other, were all dating women who grew up along the New Hampshire/Mass. border, within 30 miles of each other, by sheer coincidence. The girls didn’t know each other beforehand. Rob and Bryan both got married to theirs. I eat a lot of Chinese takeout.

Alright, we ran into our first controversy on Friday at Zio’s (111South 13th Street). I have been eating a lot of your standard triangular pizza lately. So at Zio’s, which I went to with Rob from MAGMA, I decided to try the pepperoni roll. Now, when I was at college at Radford, we had a restaurant that was very famous for serving crusties, which were essentially pepperoni rolls that you could get stuffed with anything you want. With a hunger fueled by gallons of beer and occasionally the inhalation of deadly marijuana, crazed college students would order dozens of these things at 2 in the morning. So seeing these pepperoni rolls at Zio’s took me back, and I had to order one, although to keep things even, I also ordered a BBQ chicken standard slice. The BBQ chicken slice was fine, nothing amazing, a good solid 3 pepperoni slice. But the pepperoni roll gets a ho-ho-ho my goodness. It is the best pizza product I have had on the search so far. Soft and doughey and stuffed with just enough cheese, it blew my doors. But what can I classify it as? I mean, it’s not really pizza, per se. So can I hand out pepperoni’s based on something that’s not pizza? Let me mull over that while you read Rob’s take:

I give my Sausage 3 1/2 roni–thin crust that is good and doughy, sausage which tasted fresher than alot of the crap you get around the city. Cheese slice–3 roni–not as good as last time, but maybe that is because
last time I was hungover, dunno.
Alright, I can’t give ’em a four because the pizza isn’t four worthy. But they get a three and a half…and you have to try the pepperoni roll (they also have a spinach one, which I heard is good). Oh, and when you get it, ask for a side of ranch. Word.

On friday I went to Dolce Carini (1929 Chestnut) with Trivia Art and Matt Eison of the notorious WTF crew. I’ve had the cheesesteaks there before, and they’re really good, so I figured the pizza would be good as well. I was right. The had lots of choices. I started with the taco pizza. Beef, sour cream, nacho chips, the whole shebang. The taste was awesome, although it could have been a little warmer coming out of the oven. Then, per Matt’s suggestion, I went back for the cheesesteak pie. Good suggestion. The slice had nice big chunks of cheesesteak, and very juicy peppers and onions.

Here were Matt’s thoughts:
Today, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting up with Johnny and his roommate at Dolce Carini’s for pizza slices. I opted for a slice of the cheesesteak pizza and a slice of the chicken, tomato, and pesto. I’d have to say the pizza met expectations, and may have even been above average. The ingredients were fresh, and the cheesesteak slice was good enough to deserve the Philly name. Dolce Carini makes no pretense about being gourmet, which is actually another reason I like the place. I’d definitely go there again. I’ll give my slices 4 out of 5 pepperoni’s, which is kind of ironic, considering that neither of my slices had any pepperoni on them.
I highly recommend this place. It gets three and a half pepperoni’s!

I went into Lazaro’s (flying Han Solo) on Tuesday preparing to be underwhelmed. Nothing against the place, but I always hear great things about it, and my pizza there is always…fine. I mean, it’s good, but it’s nothing special, and extremely greasy. I like grease as much as the next guy, but not when there are giant puddles of it on my pie that need to be sopped up with a napkin. On Tuesday, I went pepperoni style. It was a lot less greasy than usual, and was actually pretty good. The crust is kind of crunchy, and I personally like soft crust better. The ambiance? Well Lazaro’s is definitely a pick up and delivery place, but I do like the fact that they have a lot of Philly sports stuff on the walls. Gives it a nice Philly feel. And then, inexplicably, they have three New York license plates above one of the doors. WTF? That costed them half a pepperoni. Give them 2 and a half!

P.S. When I got hungry later in the day, I didn’t return to Lazaro’s. Instead I got a meatball sandwich from the cart on 19th and South. Damn good sandwich. Give it four meatballs!

Headed to Mama Palma’s on Friday with several young ladies from the Spanish Pantalonies. Let’s get down to business. The service was good Philly style service. The waiter had a smart mouth, but he was fun and funny. The Coke’s were fizzy and non-chalky. We quickly established that we were going to be annoying, asking for pizza with half one thing, half the other, getting blue cheese for our pizza, etc. Blue cheese? Yeah, two of the girls are from Rochester, and they claim that it’s a Rochester thing. I guess it’s their big claim to fame. Philly gave us the Constitution, Rochester gave us blue cheese on pizza. Anyways, it was a good call, as the blue cheese was a nice touch. I may be kickin’ it Rochester style on future pizza outings. So despite our badgering, the waiter stayed cool, and brought us out our pizza’s. One was a sausage and artichoke heart job, the other was a crab and asparagus pizza. To me, the artichoke pizza was kind of “Eh”, but the crab and asparagus was mindblowing. Without question, the best pizza I’ve had yet. It was a flavor that just got better the more you ate of it. I ended up eating six slices in all. Then, as I was deciding whether or not to eat the seventh, our waiter brought us out some tiramisu…on the house! The tiramisu was downright dreamy. Hold on, let me think of a word less lame than dreamy. No, no, ok nevermind. It was dreamy. Here’s what the others thought.

First up is Jenny (3rd from right, hidden by JGT’s enormous head): 3 pepperoni for the pizza. Fresh ingredients including the excellent crab meat proved very enjoyable. .5 pepperoni for the lack of dirty looks when asked for a side of blue cheese and 1 cherry on top for the scrumptious (and complimentary) tiramisu! That’s 3.5 pepperoni and 1 cherry. I can do that, right? Next up we have Renee (2nd from left): I especially liked the sausage and artichoke heart pizza. The crust was also nice and crunchy and not too thick (a plus in my book). The prices were reasonable. And then of course they get bonus points for the free tiramisu. Finally, we have Amy (far right): Unlike my co-pizza devourers, I wasn’t swayed by the free tiramisu that our waiter delivered at the end. Gave up sweets for lent, so this is an unbiased run-down of Mama Palma’s pizza. Mama’s has an excellent selection ofgourmet creations, offering up combinations that you wouldn’t normally put together yourself. This is nice, it forces adventure. I thought that the Artichoke & Sausage pizza was solid: nice, crumbled sausage, good sauce and a crunchy crust. The Crab & Asparagus pizza, though, took the prize. Props for the big chunks of crab, the big strips of asparagus and fresh lemon slices to squeeze. All in all? I’d give it 4 out of 5 pepperonis. But I’m no expert. . .
Well, I am an expert, Amy, and I’m going to agree with you. That’s right, JGT is handing out his first four pepperoni pizza! Feel free to drop your own two cents on Mama’s below.

I went with Cheney’s Got a Gun (Home court: The Vous) to NYPD Pizza on Thursday for lunch. Now, when you first walk in, the New York theme is heavily represented. Lots of pics of the skyline, various Yankees, etc. I hate the Yankees. It seems like every year, they seem to think that free agency is…ok, ok, I’m getting pulled off point here. Where were we? Oh yes. Also, on the counter is a little plaque showing that they made Philadelphia Magazine’s Best Of…in 2005. Now, I doubt that the Philly mag staffer even tried the pizza. He or she probably just walked in, said, “Wow, this is sixth-burroughrific! It’s places like this that are going to finally make us NY Lite!” And gave them a plaque.

OK, first off, I’ve had their BBQ chicken pizza before and remembered it was good. So I was hoping for it again. No luck. In fact, for a place that sells slices, they didn’t have much to choose from. Spinach, eggplant, sausage, or pepperoni seemed to be the only choices. Maybe they had just had a lunch rush and run out of other stuff. Who knows. But I got spinach, and it was pretty unmemorable. Then I went back and got a slice of the deep dish pizza, which was quite a bit better but still not great. I know I’ve had NYPD Pizza before and thought it was really good. But this time it was kind of so-so.

Here’s what fellow taster Chris thought: My pizza experience at NYPD pizza can be summed up in 2 words-mediocre. I had the pleasure of choosing the deep dish and the vegetable slices from a limited array of pizza, sub par selection if you will, especially at a time designated by society as an official lunch hour. (Arrival time 12:40). On a scale of ‘roni’s I would have to award NYPD two roni’s. Though, I will give credit to their crushed red pepper flakes, they were delicious. Next up was Jazmine, far right, who liked it a bit more than Chris: The square pizza was thick, juicy, and the cheese was melted to perfection without it tasting like it was cooked under a light bulb. As for the slice of sausage, I would have probably have liked it better if the cheese was melted on top of the bite-sized sausages, this way the little suckers wouldn’t have been rolling off, but it was still great! It gets a three on the pepperoni scale.
Here’s what Kim (far left) thought: I wasn’t too thrilled about this place. The choices were limited and the red sauce tasted like the standard canned stuff you can get at the grocery store. Overall, I’d give it 2.5 pepperonis. Not bad, but not great either. I gotta go with Kim. It measures a 2.5 on the Roni Scale.