Oh, you thought I was kidding when I told you there were sexy dames all over me this week? I don’t lie, punks. So check out the evidence. I’m sure there will be even more dames rubbing their hands all over me tonight. I know you punks are jealous. You can like it, or you can hate it. But you better learn to love it.
Now, I know that the winning teams are wondering when they are going to get their pictures up. The answer? Whenever I feel like putting your f****** pictures up! It might be today, it might be tommorrow, it might be next week. I could care less about your team. I’m only interested in broads. You’re just gonna have to deal with it.
Free Stuff
I’m going to be giving away tix tonight to see the exceptionally funny Eugene Mirman at the Trocadero on Saturday night. You can read about the show on this week’s A-List in Philadelphia Weekly. I treat you people better than Johnny does. You know it’s true.
Related: Eugene Mirman’s website.
Johnny Awed by Ancient Pyramids, needs your help
Holy Cow! My tour of Europe continued today, as I toured the ancient pyramids of Egypt. Breathtaking! So much culture, such a rich history, such delicious appletinis! I tell ya, these bartenders here know how to make them. They say that they are inspired by Tutankhamen’s own recipe! How cool is that? I hope things are going ok with Bobby. He says that “sexy dame” participation is at an all time high this week. I hope that continues when I get back. But let’s face it, gals aren’t as crazy about a guy when he doesn’t have a permanent. Anybody got any suggestions for where I should visit manana? If so, type ’em below.
Help Da Kittens
Hey, Bobby B. here. As you might suspect, the only creatures dat love me as much as women are kittens (you sick f**** were expecting a pussy pun here, weren’t ya?). Anyways, I gets this email from the SPCA sayin’t that they need your help. So give it to ’em, or face the consequences! Here’s the deal. They got little kittens comin’ in, and dey is catchin’ diseases from cats with sniffles and colds. The kittens don’t got a strong enough immune system to fight off the colds, and they die. What the SPCA wants is some people who can just take in a kitten for a week or two, until it’s old enough and strong enough to fight off the cold. If you want more info on how you’se can help, or if you wanna adopt a pet, email Meghan at meghanfitz356@hotmail.com
Ladies Love Cool Bob
Yeah, so I caught a little buzz last night. Big friggin’ deal. The narkotyzing Dysfunktion thought it would be funny if they ordered me my favorite drink. A Boilermaker (Depth charge variety). MMM-MMM, was it delicious. And by delicious, I mean it was the worst drink I have ever had in my life. Thanks a lot, you knuckleheads. As you might imagine, the ladies were all over me last night.
No surprises there. I just can’t tell if it’s because of the permanent, or if it’s my brusque charm. Probably both. To be honest, I did receive some boos last night, but I need even more. I don’t think you people hate me enough. I’m gonna have to try harder.
Johnny Climbs Mount Everest!
Just one word to describe the view from the top of Everest: Awesome! This has always been a goal of mine, and this morning I said, “What the hell? Why not do it today?” Sweet! I hope everything went ok last night with Bobby. He told me that the women who played last night were all over him. That’s great. Hey listen, I’m heading off to Africa this afternoon, so I’ll send you a picture from there tommorrow. Bobby has to pick up my Spanish assignment, and by the time he’s done hitting on my hot Spanish teacher and Aditi Roy, it’ll probably be late afternoon. He’ll talk a little about last night then, and he’s promised me that he’s going to make his case for his favorite player, Barry Bonds, on the website tommorrow. Hope everything is going well in the good ol’ USA!
The Debate continues
Back in October, we got a lot of really good responses as to whether or not W was the worst president ever. Well, the topic came up again recently when Rolling Stone magazine did an article about it. Pretty interesting article.
Johnny spotted at Eiffel Tower
With Bobby Badtimes hosting quizzo this week, Johnny G. can enjoyed a well deserved vacation. Here he is enjoying the sights at the Eiffel Tower. “Bonjour! Boy, it sure is nice to have Bobby take over for a little while,” said Goodtimes, “So that I can enjoy wine, women, and song in the city of eternal light, or love, or whatever it is.”
Question of the week
What team did Babe Ruth play for at the end of his career?
Soho Pizza with the lovely ginger
Went to Soho Pizza (218 Market) last week with the lovely Ginger. I have always liked Soho. The pizza is good, the atmosphere is nice without being stuffy, and they serve ya quick. Usually I go for their BBQ chicken slices, but they didn’t have them this time. So I decided on pineapple and bacon, just to piss off Palestra Jon when he read this. It was pretty solid. I then got a red slice with garlic, pesto, and no cheese. Uh, it was ok but I kind of think you need cheese to call it a pizza, so in hindsight it was a bad choice. I think I was just having a fat day, so I didn’t get something else. The guy working behind the counter talked our ears off. He was nice enough, and he told us that the best place he had ever worked was Applebees, b/c he had an “under the table” deal going on. Though I don’t think he was referring to the Applebees at 15th and Locust, I think they need to be investigated by the IRS anyway, just to be sure. Here was the lovely Ginger’s take:
The crust was perfect, as it is every time I go. The environment is a pinch more upscale than your typical pizza joint, but still welcoming. The actual warming device is quite possible the most spectacular pizza oven in the city. Once I got past the oven, I realized that I could get a buzz-on simultaneously while chowing down on some on the finest pizza Philadelphia has to offer. Being a beer aficionado, I couldn’t help but be excited about the option of Chimay Blue with my slice. I just sat back and thought, “Wow, life is good.” Crust? Check. Sauce? Check. Cheese? Check. Slice size? Check. Two thumbs up wish I had a third. Oops—no we’re talking pepperoni’s, right? Let’s see. 3 and ¾. Just visit during the day, when the drunk a******* of old city aren’t lurking around, chanting, “doll face.” Bonus- Played a game of scrabble on a different trp there, dining al fresco. Scrabble and a slice…hakuna matata.
Yeah, the lovely Ginger gave it a 3 3/4, I think I’ll give it a 3 1/2. Worth the trip to Old City. Oh, and rumor has it that the lovely Ginger is newly single, so if you want to impress her, take her to Soho, and order some beer that you’re not sure how to pronounce. Ginger is a major beer snob. She told me that she met some guy last weekend who was gorgeous, and he asked her for his number. “So, you gave it to him, right?” I asked. “No, he was drinking the King of Beers, so I couldn’t see a future with him.”
