Asked the secret of his staying power by a reporter who had watched a succession of women parade into, and out of, the champion’s room, (former boxing champion Jack) Johnson supposedly said, “Eat jellied eels and think distant thoughts.”
Mmmmmmm. Jellied eels.
Well gang, we’re three games into the NBA season, and it looks like I had some insider info that nobody else did. The team that everyone predicted to finish last (and that I predicted to win the NBA title) is the only undefeated team in the Eastern Conference. Coming only a few months after I predicted what all of my competitors would throw at the RPS championships, the question needs to be asked: Should my writings and actions be taken as prophecy?
Well, basketball season is here, and everybody is picking the Sixers to be awful. I am sort of an eternal optimist when it comes to sports seasons, only to be devastated by reality each and every time. Therefore, I am picking the Sixers to win this years NBA title. There are over 100 million websites in the world, and I’m pretty sure this is the only one bold enough to make such a prediction. Allen “Jewels” Iverson is going to rediscover the fire he had in 2001, C-Webb is going to make a comeback, Dalembert is going to come into his own, and this is going to be a breakout year for Igoudala. That and strong play from Rookie of the Year Carney is going to make this team a serious contender for the NBA crown. Hey nobody picked us in 2000 either.
And even if we do suck, let’s at least take a year and appreciate what we have in Allen “Bubbachuck” Iverson, although I must admit that now that I’m coaching young ones, I hold up Dwayne Wade as a shining example more than I do Bubbachuck since Wade has a firmer grasp of the fundamentals and is much more of a team player. But it is fun to watch AI play, and since he is one phone call away from being traded, let’s try to enjoy him while he’s still here. Lets also dedicate ourselves to calling him Bubbachuck this year (that was his nickname in VA).
RELATED: JGT vs. AI
Anybody know a decent amount about basketball and is good with kids? I need an assistant coach. If anyone is interested, hit me up.
I hate the Giants as much as anybody else. But I do love Tiki Barber, for a number of reasons. First, he’s from Virginia and I’m proud to have such a classy guy from my native state. No tirades on the sidelines, no drug abuse, no trashing his teammates. Second, he’s on my fantasy team and scores me tons of points every single week. Third, after Michael Irvin said this week that he was “quitting, not retiring,” the usually mild mannered Barber fired back. He snapped at Gary Myers and Tom Jackson first, then went after Irvin. “That includes the ultimate character guy, facetiously speaking of course, Michael Irvin. Please get a clue on how to be a journalist.” Booyaka shot! Isn’t it great when Crackpipe Irvin tries to attack a guy for lack of character, and the guy, who has more character in his pinky than Crackpipe has in his whole body, fires back? And I would suggest Irvin let the issue slide. Tiki has, honestly, probably a good 50 or 60 IQ points on you (he was valedictorian of his senior class and received an academic scholarship to UVA), so any argument your feeble mind comes up with is gonna be a loss.
Yeah, so the ratings for this years World Series are the worst ever, and baseball has been in a slump since the ’94 strike. What are some ideas to get people interested again? Ern offered that they pla the Series in Las Vegas, which isn’t a bad idea. Always warm, cheap to get to for fans, makes it more of an “event”. I also have an idea I have proposed several times before, and that I am convinced would make regualr season basbeall more exciting: if the teams are tied after 10 innings, you go to home run derby to determine a winner. Hey, hockey realized it had to do something to sexy up the game, so it wento penalty shots. Everybody leaves after the 10th inning of games. If you did home run derby, not a single fan would leave. What idea do you have to improve the game of baseball. No idea is too crazy.
When the Phillies blew it in the final week of the regular season, I wasn’t sure who I was gonna root for in the post season. I mean, it’s always fun to root against the Yankees and against the Mets. But the problem is that you almost kind of want them to advance so that you can keep rooting against them. But I got caught up in Detroit’s post season chase when I saw the much maligned Kenny Rogers shut down one of the most potent lineups in baseball history. I cheered for him again as he steamrolled the A’s. And I prepared to cheer again last night. But then baseball fans such as me took another one on the chin. Much like the 1998 home run chase, this too good to be true story of redemption for a 41 year old pitcher was, well, too good to be true. Kenny Rogers is no different than Barry Bonds, and so I’m switching sides. From here on out, I’ll be rooting for St. Louis. I never liked Detroit anyway. It’s hookers are too mean.
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. This World Series final is rather intriguing for the Phils, because they don’t have a third baseman, and this series will feature two former Phils who can ably handle the hot corner and who bat about .100 points high than Nunez. Yeah, the Cards may have Rolen the Tigers may have Polanco, but we’ve got the rights to Bud Smith and a relief pitcher rotting in a Venezuelan jail (above). We’ll also achieve total consciousness shortly before we die, so we’ve got that going for us.
Of course, this series also features managing genius Jim Leyland, who the Phils could’ve had, but decided against because he smokes and first thing he wanted to do as manager was get rid of Pat Burrell. What? Get rid of Pat Burrell? Is he crazy? Pat Burrell is better than anyone in baseball at watching a third strike pass by. How can you let that go? (Wonder who Joe Girardi is going to lead to the playoffs next year while we miss it by a game as our manager blows ten games single handedly.) But I’m not bitter.
Yep, the Phils lost two of three to one of the worst teams in baseball. They’ll win tonight, and the Dodgers will lose tonight, just to reel us back in one last time, but the Dodgers will not lose two of three. We’re finished. Pathetic. We should have lost Wednesday night too. What a choke. I wish the silver lining was that this would mean that the Phils would fire Uncle Charlie and make a push for Joe Girardi, but we all know that that will never happen. The highlight of the game was this, from Rich Hoffmann’s article in today’s paper: Later, they booed the pathetic excuse for Thomas Jefferson who fell down twice in a race of big-headed presidential mascots – after, that is, they greeted the big-heads with a serenade to the Phillies’ expert on all races of mascots: “Ran-dall Simon … Ran-dall Simon … “ To make matters worse, the pitcher who got the win for LA in yesterday’s Dodgers-Rockies game? Mark Hendrickson, a former Sixer! God has a sick sense of humor.
Oh, and a clarification. The Eagles game we’re showing on Monday will be the live Eagles-Packers game, not a replay of the 1960 game. Somebody asked me that last night.
The first question in last nights quizzo was as follows: “What Phillie outfielder is the worst player in the history of organized baseball, including my sister, who played t-ball and once ran the bases backwards? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not Shane Victorino.” Pat Burrell is absolutely killing this team, and needs to be benched for the remainder of the season, no matter how bad Dellucci’s arm is. Pat Burrell this year is worse than David Bell last year, something that I thought was humanly impossible. I honestly think that the Phillies would have a better chance with me at the plate than Burrell, and I haven’t played organzied ball since I was 15. I am serious about that last statement. I really think Burrell is so far gone that you could pick a random person out of the crowd and have a better chance of them sticking the bat out in front of the plate and getting a lucky hit than you would of Burrell coming through with runners on. I don’t care how much money he makes, or how good his arm is, he needs to sit on the bench for the rest of the year, and then be traded to the Devil Rays for a fungo bat and a resin bag.
