-This amazing sentence comes from LJ Smith: This is a big test for me to see where my groin’s going to be. Um, LJ, you’re groin is going to be in the same place it always was. Or do some U.S. Americans not have groins? Oh, and I love the fact that today in Philly the most blue collar, football crazy hardasses will be spending their afternoon discussing another man’s groin.

-This just in: There is no such thing as momentum. The Phillies since sweeping the Mets: 2-3. The Mets since being swept: 5-0. And oh, by the way, if we do make the playoffs and Cole doesn’t come back, what would be our three man rotation? Kendrick, Lohse, Moyer? Wow.

-Chipper Jones had this to say after last night’s loss: Waaaaaaaa! I want my binkie! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

-The feud between Comcast and the Big Ten Network over who gets to show Big 10 games is getting pretty heated. Always fun to see heavyweights mixing it up.

-Speaking of heavyweights, the annual showdown between Temple and Buffalo, by far the two worst teams in D-I college football, takes place this weekend. And for the first time since 1793, Temple is favored to win a football game.

Season over. Screw the Phillies. The Phillies always blow the businessman special games. Always.
UPDATE: Uh, yeah, scratch that. I’m an idiot. What a win! What a win! Paul Lo Duca sucks! Hahahahahaha! And we own Billy Wagner! Could someone please check on Palestra Jon? I just wanna make sure he doesn’t do anything drastic. Hey Mets fans, enjoy the trip back on the Turnpike tonight! Hope traffic isn’t too bad. Haha, just kidding. I hope traffic sucks.

ABOUT THE MANAGER:
He never challenges umps, he tries to keep this even keel attitude and I believe in the process has made this team chumps in big spots.

(He) is one of the worst 5 managers in baseball. He can’t handle a pitching staff.

where the hell is the focus or for that matter the coaching?

ABOUT THE GM:
he made horrific trades, he is an overrated GM.

ABOUT THE TEAM:
I can’t believe this.. …. I can’t allow this team to do this to me anymore. I have never in my life watched a more frustrating team.

this team has no heart.

Looks like we’re headed for a total meltdown.

just sickening…win a god damn game!

My god, how painful can this get….

Is it football season yet??

Where did these lines come from? Me on Sunday, after we had lost 4 of 6 to the Padres and the Dodgers and saw our season slipping away? I said some similar things, but no, these are lines from Metsblog.com , as they saw their season going to hell. The only thing sweeter than winning three straight is winning three straight over the Mets and their obnoxious fans, then sitting back and enjoying as they turn on their own! The games of the last two nights have been things of beauty, and if we can stay hot, this city is gonna go nuts. Oh, and good news, Phillies fans, I WILL NOT BE AT TODAY’S BUSINESSMAN’S SPECIAL. With the team’s 2-10 record with me in attendance, I have decided to stay away from the ballpark and give them a chance to win today’s game. You’re welcome.

A’ight, I’m headed off to CB Park to watch a little baseball. Last night’s 15-3 is meaningless. Win today and we take the series. But it don’t look good. As the moderately insane are quite aware, the Phillies always s*** the bed in the businessman’s special. And we’ve got Fabio Castro making his first start, and I’m not feeling real good about that. This is was the perfect opportunity for a fan group, though. Fabio’s Castros, a group of guys with all green fatigues and long beards. Or Fabio’s Fabios, a group of meatheads in pink shirts who have long, gorgeous golden locks
P.S. Keep those worst sequels coming! Yes, you may post more than one. We’ll vote next week.

An inmate has filed a $63,000,000,000 BILLION (Is that $63 billion billion?) dollar lawsuit against Michael Vick and claims that Vick stole two of his pit bulls and then sold them on EBay and then used the money to buy missiles from Iran. You know, I’ve heard that Tom Brady buys missiles from the oppresive Saudi regime, but I guess that because they’re our “allies”, it makes it ok. Or is it because the NFL doesn’t like black quarterbacks buying missiles from the MIddle East, but is OK with white quarterbacks buying missiles from the Middle East?

Now that the NFL has decided to become the judge, jury, and executioner of morally deficient players in the NFL, it’s time to ask the question: When does Tom Brady start his suspension? After all, what is morally more reprehensible than a guy leaving his girlfriend immediately upon finding out she is pregnant, being seen with a new girlfriend a few weeks later, and then having friends spread rumors that she got pregnant on purpose to keep him around? Is the NFL really adding “morality police” to its resume in an effort to clean up its game, or is this an excuse to kick out players that don’t fit its image of what they want an NFLer to be, while giving their “Golden Boy” a free pass? And here’s the other question: why weren’t the radio airwaves burning up with people condemning Brady after he behaved in this fashion?

It was, all in all, a fairly majestic moment, regardless of how you feel about Barry Bonds. He got The Natural treatment, fireworks exploding as he circled the bases. But for most baseball fans outside of San Francisco, it was a bittersweet moment at best, a sad recognition that a classy warrior like Hank Aaron was being passed by an arrogant ass who had used steroids to improve his power.

But baseball has always been a game filled with cheaters. In fact, it is part of what we celebrate about the game. Pitchers have used Vaseline on the tips of their caps since they invented Vaseline, and used a nail files for reasons that had nothing to do with manicuring. Phillies pitcher Kevin Gross was suspended for 10 games in 1987 for having sandpaper in his glove. In 1961, Norm Cash won the AL batting championship with a .361 batting average, way above his career average. After he retired, he admitted that he had corked his bat that year. In the late 1960s, the Chicago White Sox kept their baseballs in a humidor for weeks, so that they would be heavy and help their pitchers. If a grounds crews doesn’t soak the area around first base when a renowned base stealer has come to town, it’s not doing it’s job, and in the 1950s the Phillies grounds crew added a little incline to the third base line, so Rickie Ashburn’s numerous bunts would all stay fair. Hell, last year, Kenny Rogers was shown to have stick ’em on his pitching hand when he shut down the Yankees in the ALDS.

Continue reading “The New Home Run King” →

My favorite sports blog in Philadelphia is undoubtedly Beerleaguer. The guys on there really know their baseball, and commiserating and cheering with them through the ups and downs of this incredibly ulcer inducing season has been a lot of fun. And a glimpse at the comments in yesterday’s thread could tell you the angst, inherent sarcasm, and exultation of what it’s like to be a Phillies fan better than just about any other writing could. It is borderline poetic. I picked out the ones that told the story from beginning to end as we all experienced it while watching the Phillies coming back from being down 6-0 late in the game and posted them below. Enjoy.

Continue reading “The Phils” →

Harry Kalas: “Rocky Cherry is in the on deck circle.”

Basically anything Harry says for the rest of this game concerning Rocky Cherry will be my new favorite sentence.

UPDATE: I have decided to start the Philadelphia chapter of the Rocky Cherry fan club. Just drop a line in the comment section if you want to join my new club.
UPDATE, PT II: Rocky Cherry just grounded out to first in his first ever ML at bat.

I never buy the Daily News, I just check it out online. But on my way back from the bar last night, I saw the fresh papers going out and A) there was something kind of exciting of grabbing one “hot off the presses” and B) Chris Coste was the sports cover, and like every male fan the Phillies have, I have a man crush on Chris Coste. It’s pretty cool that we live in Philly at a time when the Phillies have A) their greatest first baseman of all time B) their greatest second baseman of all time C) arguably their best shortstop of all time and D) We get to see the Chris Coste drama unfold. This is the most Hollywood story in this town since Papale, complete with an entire city that gets behind him and teammates who constantly come to his defense, and who were rumored to be crying when he was demoted last time. Of course, every great Hollywood story needs an antagonist. Eagerly providing it for this story is evil General Manager Pat Gillick, played by a sneering Crimson Tide style Gene Hackman. Will Coste send us to the playoffs with a huge hit in September? Or will the evil General Manager demote him because of his foolish pride? Stay tuned.

(And a quick piece of advice, Mr. Gillick. If you do send Coste back down to the minors again, I would suggest that you invest in some Aloha shirts that won’t stain when splattered by eggs.)