I mean, the guy has a freaking gun pointed at his head, and he still pulls off a magic trick. And, let’s face it, this guy is a millionaire. It’s not that big of a deal for him to lose a couple hundred bucks. He just saw getting jacked as an opportunity to practice his craft! That would be like me getting a gun pointed at my head, and saying, “OK, I’ll give you my money…if you can tell me which planet has moons named Phobos and Deimos!”

Another thing, have you heard about the Titanic sequel coming out this summer? It’s gonna be really good.

Headed over to Abilene’s to do a comedy set last night, my first one in a while. It went pretty terribly, but I did get half off my taco salad or being one of the performers, so that was kool. Saw this band, called Big Pimp Jones, who were pretty good. Also saw a guy I’m gonna have perform at one of my shows at some point in the future called Keith From Up the Block. He’s basically the Weird Al of hip hop, and the stuff he played last night was pretty funny. Looking to get my work done early so i can head out to the Phils game this afternoon. It was nice to win last night, but damn, can we get a freaking starting pitcher into the sixth inning? We could be watching one of the worst groups of starting pitchers in the majors in a while (Well, besides Rockies pitching every year, but they gotta pitch in the stratosphere, so it’s somewhat excusable). They are really, really awful. Could be a long season.

Buffalo County is the poorest county in the country, as 70% of it’s 2,000 peole are unemployed. In what state will you find it? (Beware, there are three Buffalo counties in the US, but obviously only one answers the question.)

Hey gang. I’m taking a road trip to Princeton today, just because I’ve never been. If anything exciting happens, I’ll let you know. I have gotten a little bit behind in my pizza grading, so tomorrow I will catch back up, with reviews of four different places, including a new number one! Hope everybody has a great Monday. Oh, and if you didn’t catch this video the other day of average homeboy, it’s vital that you see it. He doesn’t claim to be from urban areas. I think you’ll just be blazed.

The Satan’s Minions knocked off the Milky Way Comet Out of Uranus, 98-96, in a packed Fels Planetarium on Saturday night. The Sofa Kingdom, who had cruised to victory in the first event held at the Fels, finished in third with 95 points. Johnny took the term “science” very loosely, much to the disdain of the science geeks in the audience. For example, Johnny honored the Body Worlds exhibit by doing a round about songs about the human body (to see what songs he played, click “continue reading…” below). But the final round was almost all science, and the Minions proved adept at it. The Minions won tickets to see the Phils, which, judging by the way they’ve been playing at home this season, might have been a more appropriate prize to give the last place team. Instead the last place team received a “My Little Pony” lollipop holder.

The overhead graphics were kool, but not quite as impressive as last time. Apparently the guy who usually runs the graphics also works for Comcast Sportsnet, and got stuck working there when the Flyers went to double OT. But I was assured that next time we do this, they will kick ass and that there is something else we can do on the dome that I’m quite excited about. But you’ll have to wait until the next science spectacular to find out what it is.

RELATED: Read about Science Spectacular in Today’s Inky.

Continue reading “Satan’s Minions are Science geeks Supreme!” →

Johnny Goodtimes took one on the chin in today’s Inquirer, as the final line about the Body World’s weekend read, “I’ve had a moment of boredom. We went to see that quizzo thing.” It was said by a 9 year old named Shayna. Goodtimes vowed revenge. “Hey Shayna,” said an angry Goodtimes, “The tooth fairy isn’t real. It doesn’t exist. Your parents put money under your pillow.” Goodtimes then added that he thought Blue’s Clues was boring.

Oh, and when I told the reporter I had groupies, I think she believed me. Anyways, results from Saturday night’s contest, which hopefully you adults didn’t find boring, will be posted later today.

Damn, just found out last night that tickets to tonight’s quizzo spectacular are only 75 cents if you only wanna play quizzo and not see the rest of the museum. Starting at 9 p.m. IMAX tix are only 75 cents, so just tell ’em you want IMAX tix. Then, after quizzo, you are welcome to take in an IMAX as well. Don’t worry, I’m probably not gonna get started at 9 p.m. on the dot. Also, rumors of Johnny rapping tonight are completely unfounded, so don’t listen to them. Seriously.

A’ight, it’s on. Saturday night at 9 p.m. at the Franklin Institute. You do have to pay a nominal fee to get in (Eve: if you decide to attend, I will pay for your ticket-jgt). If you just wanna play quizzo, then you can just pay whatever the IMAX costs, which is really cheap. But I say, what the hell, if you’re gonna be at the museum anyway, you might as well check out some of the other stuff first, so get a general admission ticket. And to answer the question I’ve gotten the most: yes, they will be serving booze!
Related: More info on Science Spectacular.

Man, rough night last night. The team that finished next to last somehow talked me into playing a game called Strankfinger. You ever heard of this? It’s horrifying. All the players put their finger on a glass of beer in the middle. Then the first player counts, “One two three” and then announces how many fingers they think will remain on the glass. The other players, after “three”, decide whether or not to leave their finger on the glass. Once you guess correctly, you’re out. The last player left has to drink out of the glass everybody’s had their finger on. Uh, yeah, kind of gross. I totally kicked ass at this game.

Man, I got a lot of s*** to do today. I gotta post stories, grab pizza, and prepare questions for tommorrow. And all with a hangover. This life of leisure ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Tonight, I might go to the Tucker Max party. I haven’t decided. It’s a fundraiser for his defense against Anthony Dimeo, who is taking Max to court.
RELATED: The Tucker Max threads that led to the lawsuit.

Every word of it, including the quotes. That must be understood, right off the bat. The following is a work history of Willie Gee (above), a friend of mine from back home. It has been compiled by another friend of mine, Nat “the Truth” Jones. This is an accounting for of every job Willie has ever had, and the reason for his quitting or termination, or, in some cases, both at the same time. If you enjoy Henry Earl’s arrest record, you’re going to enjoy this.

1. Summer 1993 – Gardener A nice couple in Silver Beach hired this bright-eyed teen to tend to their prized garden while they took a well deserved summer vacation. Willie, in his first real work experience, “messed up the timers” and “everything died”. He was promptly fired upon the couple’s return home.

2. Summer and Fall 1993 – Gardener A gentleman named Donnie Walters, despite Willie’s history of ineptitude in the area of botany, decided to give the kid another crack at it and gave him the job of taking care of his garden. This job went on uneventfully for “a couple months” and then Willie quit. “He wanted too much for what he was paying,” Willie would later comment.

3. Summer 1994 – Camp Counselor Willie was recruited by the Hoods, teachers that he had relationships with for years in school, to work as a junior counselor at Camp Greenbrier for Boys in Alderson, West Virginia. Things were rocky almost at once. “I lasted the summer,” Gee would later state. “But I was told I could never come back.” Among the many things he did during his seven weeks at camp was covering children with shaving cream in the middle of the night.

4. 1995 – Cook and Dishwasher Willie worked at the Nassawadox restaurant Little Italy “for about 5 months on the weekends”. He was never a model employee; he was terminated after a dispute with Franco Nocera (owner and proprietor of said establishment) that ended with Willie giving the boss the finger behind his back but “in front of a bunch of other people.”

Continue reading “What you are about to read is true” →