Here’s the official Ralph Nader website.
Grand Inquizzanator Responds!
The Grand Inquizzator quickly responded to Art’s last minute plea with the following:
I’m not in charge of the website. I couldn’t post a photo if my life depended
on it (unless Trivia Art showed me how). I’ve known JGT for about a year tops.
But when I was born, my mother took me in her arms whilst watching Jeopardy and explained to me my destiny. Aged only 12 days, I somehow grasped every word. I would do quizzo. Then we watched Alien. The connection may have been tenuous, but nonetheless I understood that this man Art, who I’d never met (and still haven’t) was the Alien, come to supplant the innards of red-blooded Americans with the demon seed of mediocre trivia.. Now, mere minutes from fulfilling my destiny, that same Alien would have you believe that he is the torch-bearer of quality Philly Quizzo. It just ain’t so, folks. Vote for the Great Enunciator, the Inquizzator. Like I said, I really need this gig. Plus, some small payoffs might be arranged as well. PS – I’ll be famous soon, and we’ll be friends forever, I promise!
Trivia Art Makes Last Minute Plea to Voters!
If you like Johnnygoodtimes.com, Vote Trivia Art!
- I am the man behind the web site, behind the Photoshopping, adding celebrities and otherwise altering dozens of Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular Winners.
- I was there at the beginning of the Goodtimes movement back when our man Johnny was just a sports quiz guy.
- I am the candidate to be at the helm as Johnny heads south to club Mexican seals, or whatever it is that he does down there.
- I have the trivia background, even a catchy name .
- I promise to hold sacred the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular and never again, do a DotCom themed True/False round.
- And although I admit, I’m no Johnny Goodtimes, I ask yourself, are you better off now than a year ago when there was no Johnnygoodtimes.com?
Vote Trivia Art the Next Johnny Goodtimes.
It’s Confirmed! Inquizzanator and Trivia Art to Appear at Watson’s
Johnnygoodtimes.com has just learned that Trivia Art and the Grand Inquizzanator will be pleading their cases to the crowd at Doc Watson’s tonight. The only two contestants who, at this point in the game, really have a shot at the title, will both try to pick up undecided voters at 11th and Locust establishment. Quizzo begins at 8:15 p.m.
Inquizzanator Gains Lead, Loses Sanity!
With less than eight hours to go, the Inquizzanator holds a somewhat sizable lead, but johnnygoodtimes.com has gained access to a top secret e-mail that he recently sent to the King of Goodtimes, stating, as follows:
“dude – when is the voting over? this s*** is bugging me out.”
When told of the comments, former White House aide Henry Kissinger replied, “Hmmm, that’s funny. I remember Nixon saying the same thing on election day ’72.” Comparisons to Nixon are the last thing the Inquizzanator needs at this juncture. It will be interesting to see what kind of response, if any, will come from Inquizzanator camp.
Question of the week
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What is the buccal overture better known as? As a going away gift, here’s a link.
Website of the Day
Click here to take a test to find out which member of the Simpson’s you resemble most. (Sad to say, I’m Barney.)
Voting Has Begun! (Quizzo winner photos Below)
You’ve seen the candidates. Now it’s time to vote for who’s going to take over for Johnny. You’ll get one vote. I’ve reprinted the contestants answers to “Why do you deserve to be the next Johnny Goodtimes?” below. Here’s Johnny take on the candidates.
Trivia Art was steady, and I know from working with him in the past that he is dependable. He was also able to take the heat well when his Dotcom Boom or Bust Round became the poster child for disastrous wild card rounds, and being able to take s*** from you wolves without getting mideval is a real gift. Doug the Professor had a nice delivery, a good sense of humor, and came up with a really good true/false round, which can be tough to do. Mentioning in public that his favorite baseball team was the Yankees, however, and dedicating a round to them was not the shrewdest political move in this city. The girls came up with what I thought was the most creative wild card round, “The science of hip-hop.” Their main problem was volume, though they got a lot better at it as time went on. The Inquizzanator had a good voice and enunciated well, at least until those Brits bought him a Long Island Ice Tea at the Black Sheep. Fortunately, he made it through the round before the buzz had kicked in entirely. The crowds really liked him, but they thought his wild card rounds were a little too specialized. Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth were undoubtedly the strangest entrants in this contest, but I thought they both had commanding voices and a good deal of confidence. Reviews on their fruit wild card round were decidedly mixed, but I thought it was pretty creative.
Meet the Contestants!
Each contestant was required to write down why they deserve to be the next Johnny Goodtimes.
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* I?ve never given my laundry to a crackhead.
* I need a reason to wear Hawaiian shirts.
* I won?t bail on quizzo to talk to the animals.
* I hate Jane Eyre.
* I will not use my position as quizzo master to hit on impressionable young women who play quizzo, like a certain local quizmaster who shall remain nameless.
* In a former life I went by the name Trivia Art and was responsible for daily trivia questions on a web site that was named by Yahoo! as one of the 50 Most Incredibly Useful Sites on the Internet.
* I do a mean Pope J.P. Deuce impersonation.
* I have a solution to the homeless problem.
* I have not been convicted of a Federal crime, yet.
* I promise to start within a half an hour of the scheduled start time.
* I have nothing better to do.
Second up is the team of Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes. These beautiful ladies were in action last night at O’Neals and the Bards. They actually got a letter of recommendation from a distant cousin of Johnny, Bert Mediocretimes.
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I am writing to you on behalf of Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes. These women are of high moral stature, absolute dependability and impeccable intelligence. Their dogged love of quizzo has formed them into the fine young women they are today. Having known them, I would highly recommend them to any quizzo capacity they choose to pursue. These qualifications make them exceptional candidates for this position.
Sincerely,
Bert Mediocretimes
Let’s hope that “high moral stature” statement doesn’t cost them!
The third contestants are a pair of brothers, Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth. They wrote a paragraph explaining why they should be the next JGT. Thus far they did a great job entertaining the O’Neals with strange fruit and then did a horrible job running off copies for the Bards crowd.
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To be accepted into the Goodtimes family and to actually become Johnny incarnate would not only be an honor, but would set into motion those events which put myself (Brother Bethesda) and the Beautiful Brother Elizabeth at the forefront of the race for world domination. We hope to raise an army whose strength is trivia and who could be cajoled into fighting for $25 gift certificates. In addition to sustaining and nourishing the current fan base, we hope to strengthen, expand, and finally enable this veritable sisyphus to transform into a juggernaut. And when Johnny returns, his business will have turned into an empire, and he will be grand ruler of the entire Planet.
Next up is Doug the Professor. He had a list of six reasons he deserved to be the next Johnny Goodtimes, and will be seen tonight.
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1. I choose not to wax my goatee.
2. I’ll keep saying, “Can you Doug it?” as my catchphrase.
3. No pirate jokes.
4. I’ll give everybody my password to bangbus.com.
5. I know that Tiger hands is the best hand in Paper Rock Scissors.
6. I have a lot of free time.
Finally, we have the Grand Inquizzator, who was in action last night.
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One could easily view my entire tenure on this planet as naught but a quest to
accumulate marginally useful information and force people to listen to me.
These drives, coupled in a normal person, would’ve already produced a
formidable quizmaster in a city like Philadelphia – gripped, as it is, by a
quizzo pandemic. But there is a third drive within me which is equally
insatiable and fundamentally at odds with the first two; the drive to make it
to the grave having accomplished absolutely nothing. On rare occasions, when
my near-total lack of ambition is somehow circumvented by sheer dumb luck, I
manage to do one or two of the 80,000 things I’ve said I would do. This is, or
could be, one of those things. Once I get started, I rule. It’s just that the
initiative is often lacking. So, in summation, for me not to get this gig
would suck a whole bunch of dog c*** onaccounta I’m 34 and will be dead soon
and I’m destined to start a quizzo empire in Portland (or somewhere) and if
I miss this crucial step I may never do anything and so I might as well just lay
down and die. In fact, I may as well just come right out and say it -I have a gun to my head and I’m gonna pull the trigger if I don’t win. There, you happy?
Oh ho ho my goodness is a winner
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Oh ho ho My Goodness, a conglomeration of some of America’s brightest minds, was able to look defeat in the eyes without squinting, and dispatched of a fiery team from I Robot, 96-91. The win was inspirational, as Jeff Silverbloom of the Goodness was recently diagnosed with scurvy, having somehow gotten it from a 18th century sailor. Long story.
