Are you having a hard time coming to grips with the possibility that pro wrestling is fake? So is this guy. My favorite part: “Thank you, Mr. Funk, for saying what needed to be said.”

First off, best team name of the week: Free Mumia! (With the Purchase of a Mumia of Equal or Lesser Value). Had a great answer a few weeks ago I forgot to mention also. I had asked “Jessica Pressler ruffled some feathers when in a New York Times article she called Philly what?” The answer was the Sixth Burrough. I had one team at the Good Dog answer, in all sincerity, the Fifth Burrough. This week, in answer to the question, the operation that netted Saddam Hussein shared a name with what 80’s movie. The answer? Red Dawn. Team T & A at O’Neals answered “Biodome”. Finally, congrats to Team #5 at O’Neals, who got their first 50/50 round question right on question #8. In the future I will try to keep better tabs on terrible answers.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned a blog in Boston run by a couple calling themselves the Trivia Jihad, who were hitting all of the pub quizzes in Boston and raking in the free booze. Well, they decided to take their show on the road, and hit Philly this week. They played four quizzoes, two of which were mine. They finished out of the running at the Bards, and third at the Rendezvous. More importantly, they were a lot of fun, and I’m hoping to make it up to Boston soon and play a little quizzo with them in Beantown in a few months. They play in Boston like five times a week, proving that their addiction is even worse than the Sofa Kingdom, whose dream a few months ago of winning quizzo seven straight days was crushed on Day #5 at the Bards.

Alright, this is the event (Trunkadero) I’m gonna be a part of on Saturday. I will be entertaining and schmoozing, and it looks like a lot of fun. Basically, the point is to get people to support local vendors while doing their Christmas shopping, so a bunch of unique local vendors will be on hand selling their wares. In addition, the always scantilly clad Bawdy Girls will be doling out kisses, Ginger will be hosting a beer tasting, and there will be several great DJs spinning throughout the event, including DJ Deejay, who does Beatles vs. the Stones, DJ A.D. Amorosi, and the Town Jewlerz, among others. There will be haircuts, massages, and even chess. Providing entertainment, along with me, will be Wang Newton, who, uh, I can’t really describe. You’ll have to click here and then, uh, just see for yourself what Wang Newton is all about. Trunkadero is happening on Saturday from 1-6 p.m. at the Trocadero (1003 Arch Street). Oh, and it’s FREE.

The Jams, who have become the most feared team in quizzo, will not be playing tonight, according to our sources (aka Ern). Apparently the pressure put on them by Johnny last week was a little too much for them to handle. I will own up to the deal next week, should they return.

Now we at johnnygoodtimes.com are always trying to promote unity among people, and try to let people know that our individual beliefs are part of what make us special. No group of people should be discriminated against because of what they believe. Nobody! Except the Raelians. They are a bunch of f****** nutjobs. It was on this day, 32 years ago that a guy named Claude claimed that he met a 25,000 year old alien in the crater of a volcano. What Claude was doing at the volcano is anyone’s guess. This 25,000 year old alien wants to comeback to earth, but only if he’s invited (you know how sensitive aliens get when they are that old.) So the Raelians want to build an embassy to welcome the alien to earth

The Raelians are big fans of cloning, which they think will enable them to live forever, by storing people’s memories in computer chips and then transferring them from one clone to the next as time goes on.

There are rumors that the Raelians use sex as a recruitment tool, though sadly, I have never been recruited, so I can’t confirm nor deny those reports. This article talks more about these wild recruitment parties.

More importantly, there are some hot chicks on the testimonial section of the official website. And they’re insane. Also, click on “USA” below the pics to read some kick ass testimonials, such as “Infinity becomes aware of itself through the consciousness of the human being” and “Spread our wings to the harmony of Infinity… to celebrate our dreams!” My wings are spread, and I’m ready to celebrate!

Not since K-Fed dropped Y’all Ain’t Ready have I been this proud to be a white boy. Check out this cracker’s dunking abilities!
Why these Pavarotti’s always followin’ me? Oh, and vote in the new poll.

So I’m watching Home Makeover last night, just so I could feel blubbery and guilty about how good my life is. There are these kids who have some disease that makes it so they can’t be exposed to sunlight at all, and the cast is gonna fly them to some really cool location. But the kids don’t know where they’re going. So one of these kids who can’t be exposed to sunlight asks the head guy, “Where are we going?” And the guy says, “Philadelphia. I hear it’s really great this time of year.” Then he and the kid begin laughing, because they both know that they are going somewhere a HELL OF A LOT COOLER THAN PHILADELPHIA. Sure enough, they all go to DisneyWorld, which the good people at Disney have opened up at night time, and I cry like a freaking baby through the whole segment. But still, I was pissed. Come on, dude. Dayton or Des Moines would have been funny. But Philly? That’s just cold.

The big man turns 82 today. Of course, not everyone’s a fan. Including just about every woman who has ever worked with him. They’re all liars! Liars, I say! Here’s an interview with the smooth operator a couple of years ago.