Hey, if you can’t grab a copy, just click here for the PDF file. The story is on page 14. Judging by the placement of my photo, the editorial staff thought my story was more imortant than that of TomKat having a baby; a baby born…IN DEATHLY SILENCE!!!! In answer to a question I’ve gotten in hundreds of e-mails today (and by hundreds, I mean zero): yes, I will sign your copy of today’s Metro at quizzo tonight.
Favorite Pizza so far
Alright, gang. Here’s the list of pizza places I have hit iin the Great Pizza Hunt so far, in order of my enjoyment. Yes I know I have not hit Tacconelli’s or Marra’s. They are both still on the list. I was gonna hit Marra’s with my parents on Sunday, but Jesus prevented that from happening. The pizza places are graded on a 1-5 pepperoni scale, with 5 being the supreme piece of pizza. Thus far, the highest score I have is a 4, and I’ve only given out one of those. And you thought LaBan was tough! Feel free to argue with this list, or to provide places you think I should hit that I haven’t gone to yet. And check back later today. Bobby Badtimes is set to return to the website. Pizza listing after the jump.
Johnny Grabs Pizza with his peoples
The Pizza Hunt continued on Sunday, as Johnny and his Ma and Pa went out to grab a slice. Now, Sunday was apparently a celebration of some sort of cult figure dying and then rising from the dead, a cult figure worshipped by almost every single person in this city who produces pizza. Place after place was closed, so we finally settled on J & J Pizza in the Italian Market. It was a corner spot in the Italian Market that didn’t really seem to get a ton of traffic. Things were quiet, but there was a tv inside that was on. It was on the “community channel”, you know the one that shows you a graphic to let you know that Edna’s knitting circle will be meeting at Episcopal at 6:30 on Tuesday. I love that channel. Anyways, we ordered our pizza (pepperoni) and they brought it out. It was decent, but it didn’t really blow my doors or anything. I asked my mom to send an email with her thoughts about J & J:
Son, I swiped some of your stamps -sorry. The pizza was just a good old-fashioned homemade pizza. It was the kind with more cheese than tomato sauce, which was a plus in my book, and the price was reasonable. Also, it was served in a tiny restaurant where people probably eat on the run as opposed to a restaurant where one would chill or hang out. No beer available. I give it three pepperonis. Thanks for lunch both days and for a wonderful weekend which we enjoyed every minute of! Remember to take your vitamins!
My mom always tells me to take my vitamins. I got another e-mail from her later in the day, after I sent out my weekly newsletter. Apparently I misused an apostrophe, something my mom does not take lightly. This was the entire content of that email: You do not need an apostrophe in a possessive pronoun. Did you learn nothing in 7th grade English? Anyway, the pizza was ok. Nothing great. If you’re in the Italian Market, I would suggest Lorenzo’s. I give J&J 2 and a half pepperonis.
Johnny in Today’s Metro
Johnny Goodtimes will be making another giant step towards his final goal of world domination today, as he appears in the Philadelphia Metro. “This brings me one step closer to being able to forget all the little people who got me this far,” said Goodtimes as he did situps out in front of his house today.
Johnny on tap to entertain for final weekend of body worlds
Johnny Goodtimes will be hosting a science (and we use the term “science” very loosely here at JGT, Inc.) quizzo at the Fels Planetarium (222 N. 20th Street) on Saturday, April 22 as the Franklin Institute celebrates the final weekend of the enormously popular Body Worlds exhibit. Here’s the dilly, yo. To participate in what will be a quizzo event for the ages, all you gotta do is buy a ticket to anything going on at the museum that night. It does not have to be the Body Worlds exhibit. You can get IMAX tix or general museum tix if you want. Then join Johnny in the planetarium at 9 p.m. There will be plenty of stuff given away during the night’s contest. Free museum passes, gift shop gift certificates, and even Phillies tickets. There have been no rumors circulating about Johnny rapping at this event. Oh, and yes, there will be booze for sale at this event. Lushes.
Question of the Week
Johnny’s ex was asked to the prom by Tom DeLonge. He is a member of what crappy band?
**Johnny’s days as a gangsta/dolphin trainer are behind him, but make no mistake: Johnny is from the streets.
Odds and Ends
First of all, congratulations to the Evil Miss Lovely, who won last night at Pabst Blue Ribbon Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship. Juan Buenostiempos (Johnny’s unruly cousin from south of the border) went out in the first round, meaning that in the three sanctioned events he has been a part of, he has gone out in the first round each time. He is a pathetic RPS player.
After the match, there was a long, involved conversation about jumpability. Have you heard of this? It’s the theory that somebody seems jumpable, and it is completely different than confident or looks. It’s just this sort of intrinsic vibe that people either give off or they don’t. A vibe that makes people want to jump their bones. Do you have it?
Finally, on a more serious note, I have a bit of a trashcan dilemma, and I need your advice. OK, so last year, this guy who lives next door to me stole my trashcan that I take out to the curb. So I bought a new one. The guy that stole it moved out, but the people who moved in have been using it. Well, last week somebody stole my new trashcan, and now I want my old one back. Can I just take it from them, or has it been grandfathered and is now their’s? Should I leave a note on their door explaining my predicament? Please give me your advice.
5 Quick Questions with…Johnny’s Ex!
Now I know what you’re thinking…”Johnny, you can not possibly be so self absorbed that you are putting interviews with your ex-girlfriend on your website, thinking that we really give a s***”… Wrong. I am that self absorbed, and you do give a s***!
Colby and I met in Hawaii in 1999. She was on vacation, but was won over by the Goodtimes charm and soon moved out to the 50th state. We dated for 3 1/2 years, and actually made it all the way to Philly together before we broke up. She never really liked the city life, and now lives in the woods in North Carolina. Just like the Olympic bomber. Anyways, we have remained friends, and I am happy that she is doing well. Here are her five quick questions…
What music do you have in your collection that you are a little bit ashamed of?
I am ashamed of nothing. I listen to it all and love it all, especially my women folk collection that you hate.
Rumor Mill Buzzing!
There are rumors that Ric Flair will be upstairs at the Khyber tonight to play rock paper scissors. This is, as of now, only a rumor. Johnny will definitely be there. Kick off is at 9 p.m.
The Fam
My mom and dad came down this weekend, and a fine time was had by all. We went to Pod on Friday night, where the food was pretty good, but it was way too loud. You had to scream to talk. My dad got off a pretty good line. I said, “It’s way too loud here. This would be a terrible place to take a first date.” Without missing a beat, my dad said, dryly, “Yeah, but it’s perfect place to take somebody you’ve been married to a long time.” On Saturday, we had lunch at Penang, one of my favorite restaurants, and on Sunday we went out for pizza, which I will tell you about soon when I get written report from them. Yeah, my parents hobbies are essentially the same as mine. They consist of: eating.