Beware My Wrath!!!

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Bobby Badtimes here. Well, spring is in the air, and you know what that means…that pedestrians start getting real cocky. Somehow the warm weather makes them feel like a 2,500 lb. piece of steel moving at 25-30 mph can’t inflict major damage on their internal organs. So they just saunter out in front of you in your car, sometimes even looking you in the eyes as if to say, “I’m a pedestrian, and I alllllllways have the right away, no matter what the light says.” But I’ve come up witha neat little approach to deal with this problem: I’m going to start hitting two of you a week with my car until this bull**** stops. Not hard, I’m not trying to kill anybody here. Just a gentle little tap to take out your knees and send you sprawling to the pavement. Just hard enough to send a message that you’re on my road, and I’m the one with the deadly piece of steel.

In case you were wondering what Goodtimes is up to today, I noticed him in three different coffee shops, speaking as if addressing himself but in a voice just loud enough for everyone within 20 feet to hear, “Hmmmmm…I wonder if there is anything interesting in today’s Philadelphia Metro. Why, this looks intriguing.” Yeah, JGT, your photo on the cover was kind of nice. Too bad that the pic in the article makes you look like you’re gonna kill and eat a family of four after you finish your pizza.

Hey Sixers, thanks for a really memorable season. My God, I think I’d rather be a fan of the Washington Generals. They may be the only team in basketball that loses more than the Sixers, but at least their players show up on time.

Hey hole in my den ceiling. You are a real embarrassment. Ol’ Bobby B. can’t even explore his high level of jumpability b/c he’s ashamed of girls seeing right thru you. You disgust me with your existence.

I read this headline yesterday: Paris Hilton’s Next Move. I was hoping that the next sentence would read, “She’s buying a gun and blowing her own brains out,” but no such luck. Instead she’s recording an album. Yep, that means that both Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton are releasing an album this year. Am I the only one who occasionally finds themselves rooting for the terrorists?

Hey Don Rumsfeld, don’t worry about what every single human being on the face of the planet earth besides our president thinks about you. You are NOT a cataclysmic failure of a man, a pathetic buffoon whose brain is composed of human excrement, or one of the most incomepetent creatures (and I am including dung beetles here) to ever grace the face of the planet. So don’t listen to the haters. Just keep doin’ how you do.

My name is Bobby Badtimes. Beware my Wrath!
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