Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I highly suggest pirate team names tonight at quizzo. In the meantime, find out what your pirate name is. Mine is Mad Tom Vane. And so you know what your working with, I highly recommend that you watch the Pirate convention.
All is Forgiven
ONE AND A HALF GAMES, METS FANS!!! I bet your hairy necks are sweating now. Great win last night for the Phils, highlighted by another Met meltdown. If we take the division and the Mets don’t make the playoffs, it will go down in history right up there with the ’64 Phils. No team has ever blown a 7 game lead with 17 to play, which the Mets will do if they blow it. Dunno if you stayed up last night to watch, but my boy came through in the clutch, and I have thus decided to write him a short letter. Here goes.
Dear Rod,
I am sorry for the way I have treated you over the months. Please be aware that much of it was just frustration over the way that our dumbass GM had treated Chris Coste. That being said, I knew there was only one thing that would allow me to get over what you did against the Marlins when you let Ramirez slide through your legs. And that is what you did last night. Pressure packed situation, two strikes, and you pierce one up the middle. The city welcomes you back into it’s collective bosom. And now, I think i should express my newfound feelings for Rod in song:
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side
So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you’ll see what your love means to me
Open arms
Shop at Whole Foods Today
Hey gang, try to stop by Whole Foods today and pick up a few things. 5% of your bill will be donated to an excellent cause, the Penn Urban Nutrition Initiative. Here’s some more info:
The Urban Nutrition Initiative is a university/community partnership involving the University of Pennsylvania and Philadelphia neighborhoods in efforts to improve community nutrition and wellness. Urban Nutrition Initiative’s success is based on engaging young people as community problem solvers through hands-on activities such as growing, tasting, cooking and selling healthy foods. Be sure to support this community organization by shopping at Whole Foods Market Callowhill on Wednesday, September 19th.
Feedback on Overrated/Underrated Column
I’ve gotten some interesting feedback on the overrated/underrated column I did last week for the Metro. Almost immediately, I got an email from the Rangers at the Independence Park: As park rangers at Independence National Historical Park, we feel you are mistaken in under rating the Liberty Bell. While we acknowledge that the bell does not work, a few months ago you stated the bell brought you to tears. What happened to those sentiments? The bell is not important because it is old and cracked. Rather, the bell is important because it has been used throughout history to make society better for everyone. It is okay the bell does not ring, because what you hear you forget. What you see you remember. What you experience, you understand! OK, I have to admit that it is pretty awesome that the guys who look over the bell are this passionate about it. That is extremely kool.
My grandmom also wasn’t real happy about my treatment of the bell: Sweetheart, The Liberty Bell is not supposed to work; you know it is a reminder FOR THE TIME WHEN IT DID WORK…I thought you liked History. What happened between you and the Liberty Bell?
The Metro also got a letter from a reader who said this: How can anything that stands for the struggle of freedom and liberty in our nation and across the world ever be overrated? I don’t think you truly understand the meaning behind this symbol…Anyone that would think of this symbol of the struggle for liberty and freedom, (from slavery to womens suffrage to WWI, WWII, the Civil Rights Movement and beyond), is underrated obviously takes for granted the hard work of generations before us.
OK, in my defense: underrating the Liberty Bell because it doesn’t work was a joke. As many of you know from my earlier column, I am a big fan of the Liberty Bell. Me and the Liberty bell are totally kool. In fact, who is this calling me now? Why, it’s my good friend the Liberty Bell!
To see JGT get ripped by Holly of Hollyeats, click below.
Question of the week
In what 1978 movie did O.J. Simpson play an astronaut?
The Jackass had it coming
Sorry, but I can’t say that I’m all that upset about that douchebag that got tasered at the John Kerry speech. He was an obnoxious ass who kept running from the cops and then screaming “What am I doing?” You’re resisting arrest, dumbass. Now take your medicine. ZAP! I’m just hoping that we can hire those cops who have no patience for douchebags to start patrolling Manaynk.
Don’t WOrry! He’s Safe!
Rumors were bandied about that K-Fed was going to be assassinated, but apparently this so called killer was no Gavrilo Princip. Hell, he was not even a Leon Czolgosz. Listen to me, potential killer, and listen real good: You lay one finger on Kevin, and it’s going to be you and me, bub. And trust me, you don’t want that. Not at all. You are Playing With Fire, Buster. Playing With Fire.
UPDATE: Suspect named! (NSFW due to cussin’)
The good news
David Akers is thus far having a really nice season.
Jams Win (Repped by OJ Simpson)
This rock band, whose songs all sound exactly the same, have a hit song called “Rockstar” that morons in Manayunk (namely: everyone in Manayunk) who wear their hats backwards think is “totally kickass”.
Pavarotti Pall BEarer Hernia Club WIns
THis 19 year old has a #1 hit with the song “Umbrella”.