A slight mixup in communication led to the end of my Metro column not really making much sense, so I posted below the way it was supposed to read. Oh well, it wasn’t my finest piece anyway. I’ll do better next week, promise.
In the 1990s, Saturday Night Live had a great sketch where the characters would put on a pair of jeans, called Bad Idea Jeans, and talk about terrible decisions they are in the process of making. Well, it looks like a lot of people are wearing Bad Idea Jeans these days. Let’s take a look:
-The guy who tried to kill Kevin Federline is wearing Bad Idea Jeans. Dude, you are in for it now. K-Fed has Ninja skills like you wouldn’t believe. His footsteps are silent, he blends in with his surroundings, his strike is deadly. The only good news is that by the time you realize what is happening, you are already dead. PopoZao!
-The people who okayed the show Cavemen. In one of the promo ads, a caveman does karaoke. Because, see, real cavemen didn’t have karaoke. Isn’t that hilarious? I do think it’s neat that Generation Y is finally gonna have their very own “Cop Rock”.
-The guy who put a rattlesnake in his mouth to impress some friends a few weeks ago. The snake bit him, and he later said, “It’s actually kind of my own stupid fault.” Kind of? Kind of? That’s like Hitler saying, “This whole Nazi thing was kind of my own stupid fault.”
-Phillies GM Pat Gillick recently shot a TV commercial for Bad Idea Jeans. He would say something to the camera, then the screen would go blank and the words “Bad Idea Jeans” would fade in. “Why sign Adam Eaton for one year when we can sign him for three?” BAD IDEA JEANS. “We don’t need to upgrade the bullpen, what we need is a catcher.” BAD IDEA JEANS. “Hey, you know what would give our bullpen a shot in the arm? Jose Mesa.” BAD IDEA JEANS.
-The View for adding Whoopi Goldberg. She’s the only woman in showbiz less talented than Rosie O’Donnell.
-Me, for actually caring about who the View hires*.
-Guy who thought he could cheat O.J. out of merchandise that was rightfully his. I mean O.J. has killed people for returning sunglasses. Do you really think it’s a good idea to steal his stuff?
*Actually, I think those would be “Total Loser” jeans.