We’d be lying if we said that this photo doesn’t bother us. This photo courtesy of, guess who, Bob T. Looks like Bob T. is dropping these big guns on us in crunch time, making us left wing commies question if we really want to have such a dork in command.
Over on totalphilly.com
As I told ya a couple of days ago, I’m one of the bloggers now on totalphilly.com. On tap so far today: vote for Philly as America’s Best city, what Mickey Rourke has in common with the moon, and Hasselhoff’s new movie with Miley Cyrus. (Trust me, the more you learn about this one, the more you’ll be convinced that truth is stranger than fiction.)
Worst Alf Landon Lines, Volume 1
OK, gang, it’s time to start voting in the First Annual Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest. We’re gonna divide this into three voting blocks, with the winner of each one going to the finals. Here are your first 6 entries. At the bottom, you can vote for which one you like the best. Voting for volume one ends tomorrow at 11:59 p.m. May the best worst Alf win!
HOWARD- Even though it was a brothel, it was still Kansas, and the Madame, with her 5 o’clock shadow, evoked Depression, not Lust; if I could carry only Maine and Vermont, Alf Landon mused, at least I can carry myself as a Hawaiian woman with breasts the size of pineapples.
CHIP– Over the next 753 pages, you, the reader, will explore every nook and cranny of Alf Landon’s colon.
PAQRAT– Nothing, not even the warm, clammy, sheeting raindrops that oozed like cosmic perspiration from the previously onerous sky, was going to prevent Dexter from being first in line at Peabody’s Hobby Shop and finally acquiring the coveted Alf Landon — the elusive crown jewel in his collection of 1936 Republican National Convention action figures.
SUSANA– Kathryn awoke in a cold sweat. It was the third time this week she had dreamt of the flying bedpan that had killed her father, Alf Langdon.
JULIE– For Alf Landon, a handsome and auspicious doctor long retired, it was infallible love at first sight: her perfectly rounded blue eyes, the way her tresses fell thick, and yet stringy, the slender, wobbly shapeliness of her arms; never before had his heart so venerated, so adored, a Playdough creation.
BENNY– It’s funny how overshaking a loosely-capped bottle of ketchup, and Alf Landon’s ill-fated decision to wear a white overcoat in the diner booth behind me would lead to the greatest friendship I’ve ever had, and the adventure of a lifetime.
Toughest Questions From Last Week
- Who was the first US Secretary of the Treasury?
- What two Philadelphia sports stars, one a baseball player and one a football player, both attended Long Beach Polytechnic High School?
- What was the name of the dog on Our Gang?
- What team was Abe Saperstein associated with?
- Oberon, Titiania, and Ariel are all moons of this planet, the first one discovered by using a telescope.
- Lead vocals for this fictional band were sung by Buddy Miles. (Hint: This question was in the “California” round.)
- THis prolific songwriter from Pittsburgh gave us some of the most enduring songs of the 19th century, but he died at age 37 with 38 cents in his pocket.
- This female AMerican photographer from was noted for her portraits of transvestites, dwarfs, giants, and prostitutes.
- Urdu is the national language of this large nation, although you might be surprised to learn that English is also recognized as an official language.
- What former tv legend did Rupaul attempt to diss at the 1993 VMAs, only to have him respond, “Oh, we’re going to ad lib? I’ll check my brain and we’ll call it even.”?
Gotta Love Those Mets Fans
The Mets-Nationals game was on at O’Neals last night, and it was like tennis, all the heads swinging on a pivot between that game and the Phils game. At one point during the Mets game, there was a question Mets fans could vote on via text or on the internet. It was how will the Mets finish the season. Here were the results (keep in mind, this is Mets TV, so pretty much everyone answering was a Mets fan):
- 32% Win the division
- 12% Win the wild card
- 56% miss the playoffs
Looks like they’re feeling another collapse. But good news for them: the Brewers are collapsing even harder, and actually lost with Sabathia on the hill yesterday. I still think the Mets will make the playoffs, unless the Astros just go wild. The Brewers are done.
Friday Night Fights at the Legendary Blue Horizon
Went to the Blue Horizon on Friday, and thought you guys might enjoy some of the sights and sounds from the event. I highly recommend going to the next event on October 3rd. It is a Philadelphia Must Do.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
I’ve started working on a new project called totalphilly.com, for which I will be a regular contributer (Newsier stuff is handled by someone else, the goofier stuff by me.) The site is kind of in beta right now, still tinkering with stuff, before the official release next week. Still a lot to be done in the next week to tighten it up, but I think it’ll be pretty cool once we get the stuff done. In the meantime, please give it a test drive and leave your thoughts below about what you like and don’t like, and what you think we should do to improve the site.
I will be doing a lot more on the streets stuff and Philly stuff on that site, which will mean a little bit more focus on this site. Instead of the smorgasboard of sports, politics, anger, etc. that this site currently is, it’ll be a bit more focused on quizzo, which is probably what it should be to begin with. I hope that my regular contributers here will become regular contributers on totalphilly.com. And of course, this will still be my personal site, so I will still let you know when I make an ass out of myself or get shot down by a female (or both). Yes, you will still find the scoreboard, pics of winners, etc. on this site, as well as what’s going on in the quizzo world.
Question of the Week
Who declared himself Emperor of the United States on September 17th, 1859?
This week on Weathering the Storm: Tragedy Strikes
Pottsville’s finest sounds of nature band loses one of their members in a tragic mishap, and the rest of the crew must try to carry on.
- Part One of Weathering the Storm-The Introduction.
- Part Two-Inner turmoil Begins to tear the band apart.
- Part Three-The Welcome to the Jungle album lands the band in a world of legal trouble.
JGT in Comedy Show tonight
Yes, I know the Eagles are playing the Cowboys. Yes, I know that probably no-one will show up. But the hell with it. I haven’t done stand up in a while and need to get my chops back. So if anyone wants to see me fail miserably, then be at the Khyber tonight at 8:00 p.m. If you tell me you came after seeing this on my site I will buy you a beer. $5 to get in and beers are dirt cheap. And after my little run in with Hipster Nation last week, I might even get a few hecklers. We’ll be done by 10, so you will not miss the 2nd half of the game (And that’s the only one that matters anyway.) I think I might go down to Nick’s Roast Beef to catch the 2nd half. Chip is hosting the show and two of my favorite comedians in Philly, Dennis Horan and Amir Gollan, are in the starting lineup. Hope to see you there.