JGT addresses rumors that didn’t exist until he just made them up

Yes, I was in New York over the weekend. Had a great time. Went to a speakeasy type bar called Milk and Honey (which had some interesting house rules) on Saturday and last night went to Upright Citizens Brigade show. Even saw that giant tree at Rockefeller Center. I did not spend time with Booker and Alycia Lane while I was in New York, nor was I part of the couple that was allegedly in the cab with Alycia and Booker. Nor did I try to set Booker up by planting that slow cop car there in an effort to get him arrested so I could take his lady while he was behind bars, only to see my devious yet brilliant plan backfire horribly when the lovely Alycia allegedly took out that cop with an uppercut. That is a ridiculous rumor and I don’t even know where you heard it from, but it’s absurd. Oh, and a quick question: If the cop she allegedly called a “f****** dyke” before she allegedly punched is in fact a lesbian, does this become a hate crime?

UPDATE: Holy hell, Joey Sweeney at Philebrity already asked a lawyer if this constitutes a hate crime. Geesh, I thought I was just joking.

The Donspiracist Presents: Are Flu Shots a Dangerous Scam?

It’s that time of year again, and I don’t mean Christmas. I mean flu season. A time when when old and young alike are cautioned to run to the doctor to get their shots before this year’s supply runs out. After all, we never know when the next pandemic will arrive, right? And by then, it will be too late.

Or won’t it?

Fact is, there hasn’t been a flu pandemic since 1968. I was only an infant then, but if you listen to the media and to your doctor and to the government, the next big worldwide pandemic, a ravaging disease of unimaginable virulence, lurks in the closet like the bogeyman. It may pounce at any moment, and what will you do if you’re unprotected?

Can anyone say “bird flu”?

On the crest of this wave of seasonal panic is the announcement that New Jersey is about to become the first state — and the first governmental body anywhere in the world, in fact — to require flu vaccine. REQUIRE it.

Granted, the requirement is only limited to children under 10. And aside from that, only other high risk groups, like older people and those with respiratory or immune diseases, are strongly encouraged to take the shot. Those who are healthy and young, ie 20’s to 40’s, usually can risk going without, but if you listen to doctors and the CDC you are making yourself vulnerable if you make that choice. Flu, after all, kills 36,000 people a year, according to the CDC.

However, those numbers are widely disputed, and, as someone who has chronic asthma, I can definitively state that I have never taken the flu shot. Nor do I ever intend to. And I strongly counsel my family and friends to do the same, and if I had children, I would NOT let them get it. I wouldn’t want them to risk their health with this dangerous and unnecessary procedure.

Continue reading “The Donspiracist Presents: Are Flu Shots a Dangerous Scam?” →

Scoreboard Brought to You By Lucia’s New Toy

O’NEALS

Bob Lablaw Law Blog 102
Young, the Old, the Restless 77
Double Guatanamo 76
We Heart Porn 65
I Got Nothin’ 63

BARDS

Sofa Kingdom 99
Hurtin Bombs 98
What Happened to that Girl From Small Wonder? 96
Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 94
Chin Omelette 88

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

River of Rocks 103
Jams (aka Ike Turner-Rolling on the River Styx) 99
A.S.S. 83
Dave’s Apartment 65
Team Patrino 57

BLACK SHEEP

BBD 108
This Is Not a Bus 99
Baron Munchausen and his Amazing Periodic Table 92
Fine Young Cannibals 81
The Monroe Doctrine 79

GOOD DOG

Guantanamo 72
Axis of Evil Knieval 71
Bring PB & J Back 70
Terms of Endearment vs. Mystic Pizza 52
Nasty Weiners 50

BARDS

*Western Omelette 84
*Sofa Kingdom 84
Hurtin Bombs 81
Thump and Bump 65
Team Fun! 64

*Went to tie breaker question: “In what year was Warren Moon born?” Kingdom guessed 1960, Omelette guessed 1957. The correct answer was 1956. Omelette pulled off the upset.

Holy Cow!!!

Is this for real? (SFW). If so, it is the coolest thing ever. You have to see this. Amazing.

Chip Chantry interviews Fred Thompson!

740508658_l (Custom).jpg
Author’s Note: The past two weeks have obviously been a whirlwind for me. Since my interview with Mike Huckabee was posted, The Huck has turned into a juggernaut in the polls- his ratings soaring, his popularity increasing with every hit on johnnygoodtimes.com.

Sure, it was revealed that in 1992, The Huck thought that AIDS patients should be isolated from society… In 1992 I thought that Right Said Fred was going to be the next big thing… we all make mistakes! Irregardless, my article was just the springboard that the Huckabee camp needed.

I would like to say that my piece on Dennis Kucinich had the same effect. However, no one has seen D-Train since he left a Los Angeles nightclub early one morning last week with Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan.

That being said, I was quite disheartened to find that, after a number of attempts, I was unsuccessful in landing an interview with Republican candidate Fred Thompson. His staff declined to arrange an interview, and Fred’s hot wife, Jeri, is quite snippy when you follow her home from her Pilates class.

Needless to say, I was unable to speak with Mr. Thompson. However, not wanting to disappoint my readers, I figured that I would get the next best thing. Knowing that Fred Thompson is, first, an actor, I decided to interview an actor that reminds me of Mr. Thompson, to perhaps get in his head. I found this to be equally challenging. The following actors were either unavailable or unwilling to grant me an interview:

John Voight
Abe Vigoda
Anthony Hopkins
Hal Linden
Anjelica Huston
Kelsey Grammer
Craig T. Nelson

When all hope seemed lost for this week’s column, a miracle occurred. I came across a man who, in this reporter’s opinion, is a carbon copy of Fred Thompson in mind, body and soul.

That man is Conrad Bain, TV’s Mr. Drummond.

Continue reading “Chip Chantry interviews Fred Thompson!” →

Updated: OMG! Abe Nunez Did NOT Use Steroids!

UPDATE: Looks like CNBC was wrong about Pujols and Nunez. Those two homers Nunez hit total in the last two years cannot be attributed to illegal steroid use. Still got some big names though. Everybody is linking to the PDF of the report, like I’m gonna read a 409 page document on my computer. The hell with that. I’m gonna wait for the movie to come out. Here’s the full list on Deadspin.

Short Note to Our Friends in Denver

First of all, a hearty congratulations to Albuquerque on a spirited fight. As for Denver: what in the hell is the matter with you? Your once proud city must be deeply ashamed by your performance on Monday night. 9 teams show, and they average 77 points, a full 32 points behind us? Did your brains get cramped when you ate too much granola earlier that afternoon on your hike up Mount Elway? Did you get lost at your Satanic Nazi airport and not find your way out in time? Or did you just know that Philadelphia was going to kick your boot wearing hippie asses, so you just stayed home and cried into your hemp pillow ? I’ll tell you what: how about next time, we’ll just keep Denver out of the equation and save you guys the embarrassment?
RELATED: Philly rules.

Great News!

OK, so it’s looking like not one, but two, Pee Wee movies are in the works. And, get this, Johnny Depp is possibly playing Pee Wee! Hmmm, I’m torn. On the one hand, I’d like Paul Reubens to play Pee Wee, but if there is one other actor I think could pull him off, it’s Johnny Depp. Bad news: looks like Tim Burton is too busy to direct it. Who do you think should direct?

RELATED: The Full Story. (Thanks to Duane for sending this in. If you’ve got a scoop that you think I’d like to post on the website, holla atcha boy.)

Nevermind, Things Are Looking Grim

Rowand’s gone. The San Francisco Giants came in with a 5 year deal, something the Phillies simply couldn’t match. It is an absolute shame to let the guy go, although I really think it is folly to sign him to a five year deal. He’ll be 36 by the time the contract runs out. Pretty old for a center fielder. That being said, this is no bueno. Rowand was a true gamer who laid it all on the line every single game, and the difference in intensity between when he was the leader of that outfield and when Abreu ran it is night and day. The full speed run into the fence is a Philadelphia legend that will improve with time, as when we’re old timers, we’ll tell anyone who will listen that “The Phillies once had a centerfielder who broke every bone above his waist to catch a fly ball.” This leaves the Phils with Shane Victorino in center and Jayson Werth in right. Lots of hustle but no power and no leadership. The Lidge move was nice, but this team will start the upcoming season worse than it ended last year unless they make another big move. And really, what move can they make? I don’t see any exciting free agents.
RELATED: Beerleaguer chimes in.

Things Are Looking Up

Went and checked out both Houston Hall and the Armory today. Houston Hall is a bit more pleasing aesthetically, though the Armory holds more people. So I need to do the math and see which one makes more sense. We’ve sold out at 300 at the WCL the past three years, so a part of me wants to see if we can get 400. Houston Hall will probably hold right around 300. I need to send proposals to both and see which one works out. I think we’re probably looking at an early March kickoff either way. Houston Hall only has an opening for March 8. I think that is Penn’s spring break. Is that gonna cost us a lot of people? I know we have a decent amount of Penn profs, but I dunno if they really go anywhere for Spring Break, and we don’t really have that many Penn students. Anyways, things are looking up. Hopefully we’ll have a venue by Christmas.