Phillies Get Serious About Winning Title, Add Jenkins and Durbin

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Look out, National League! There is one team that is going to be not quite as good as it was last year, but will still win at least 80 games! That’s right, the Philadelphia Phillies, firm believers in tradition, have decided to pick up a few more pieces of rusty metal off the scrap heap. What looks like JD Durbin, sounds like JD Durbin, and puts about as much fear into opposing hitters as JD Durbin? That would be his brother, Chad Durbin, who is now a Philadelphia Phillie. Dontrelle Willis? Puh-leez. Johan Santana? Whatever. We’ve got Chad Durbin. That’s why this is one of the most storied franchises in all of sports, because they always are doing whatever it takes to build a champion. Speaking of building a champion, we have a new centerfielder to replace Rowand! Geoff Jenkins. He’s older than Rowand, and not as good as Rowand, but that’s OK, because he’s cheaper than Rowand, and that’s what this franchise is all about. Keeping it cheap. 4th largest market in baseball. 15th highest payroll. Jenkins actually isn’t that bad, though. He does give you a little pop in the outfield (21 HRs last year), but his BA was only .255. But he’s definitely not as good as Rowand.

Christmas Under Attack!

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Well, the left wing media and the activist judges are at it again, trying to ruin Christmas. It looks like now they’re trying to kill Santa Claus. Oh sure, the report says that it was drug runners, but we all know better.

But on a (mildly) more serious note, this Bill O’Reilly “War on Christmas” thing is one of the more idiotic ideas his feeble mind has ever come up with. “Merry Christmas” wasn’t even a common phrase until Dickens released a Christmas Carol in 1843, so it’s not like we’re killing off some ancient tradition. And the word “Holiday” comes from “Holy day”, so how are you making this a secular day if you are wishing people a Happy Holy Day? Finally, “X-Mas” is not porn loving left wingers trying to take Christ out of Christmas. “X” is the greek letter “chi”, and for centuries, the Greeks have used XMas as an abbreviation for “christ’s festival”. But perhaps the most sensible thing I’ve come across about this topic can be read here:
…many Christians are genuinely concerned about the secularization and commercialization of the holiday. But for those who truly want to “put Christ back into Christmas,” the answer is in giving more time and attention to religious and charitable activities, not in demanding more Christian symbolism at the place where you shop. Macy’s is not a temple.

Has Goodtimes Found New Anchor Crush?

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Things between JGT and Alycia Lane have gotten a bit rocky because of this whole Booker thing. (Not because of the cop punching thing. In fact, Goodtimes admits that the cop incident makes her “only seem even hotter. I love crazy women.”) But a close source tells us that Goodtimes now has his eye on co-worker Kerri Lee Halkett*. She apparently just broke up with her boyfriend, Jamison Uhler, who earlier this year wore a woman’s tank top and splashed water on himself in a pool in one of my, ahem, one of Johnny’s favorite videos ever.

*Although he admits, “I don’t really see her that much around the office” at FOX, where Goodtimes has recorded his critically acclaimed online quizzoes.

Lovely Ginger Hosting X-Mas Party Tonight

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The lovely Ginger (aka Sassy Kick Some Assy, aka the Beer Lass, aka Suzy, aka Hot Nickels) is gonna be hosting a slammin’ X-Mas party with her beer club tonight at Johnny Brendas and all are invited. I’m planning on going after Black Sheep. It’s gonna be fun. Here’s the 411 from Ginger:

This Wednesday is the 2nd annual holiday party for In Pursuit of Ale-Philly’s Women’s beer club and a Benefit for the National ParkinsonsFoundation.

We meet every two weeks around our city’s watering holes and as much as we enjoy each other’s company we love to branch out and see some new faces. Just think of it as another crazy night at Johnny Brenda’s but supporting the National Parkinsons Foundation all the while…..

It’s going to be an all out bonanza kicking things off with Philly local band, the Getarounds at 8!
NBC 10 will be there! We’ll have DJ Dee Jay spinning for us later (of Beatles vs. Stones
fame)! We’ll have a bottle swap..bring a bottle, take another one home…We’ll be playing some Rock Paper Scissors! Raffling off some prizes- Gift certificates and a 3 liter bottle of MAD
ELF and more! Yummy food for Carnies and Veggies!

All for $13 with optional donations for Parkinsons throughout the night

Drinking great local craft beer for a mere $3 a pint from our friends at Flying Fish, Sly Fox, Iron hill, Troegs, and Dock St. All proceeds go to the parkinson’s Foundation in memory of the Beer Hunter, Michael Jackson.

Around the Horn, brought to you by Leg Magic

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  • “Police say the reason for the attack could be because Mr Kondaiah told too many people of the alleged magical powers of his right leg.” I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson today. If you have a magical leg, don’t go blabbin’ off at the mouth about it. Story is here.
  • As soon as she got out of prison, who did Alycia Lane call? Ed Rendell. If I ever go to jail, I’m gonna call my powerful political connections, too. Randy, Narberth’s official dog catcher, should be expecting a phone call if I ever punch a cop.
  • In other Alycia Lane news, I got totally censored by the Metro today. In the little sports thing, the first question was, “What is it about Donovan McNabb that causes so much drama?” I answered, “If he didn’t want drama, he shouldn’t have punched that dyke cop.” The 2nd question was, “Andy Reid is sick of talking about McNabb’s future. What else is there to talk about?” I answered “Dyke cops.” That one didn’t make it by the censors either. There goes that damn politically correct left wing media again! I guess sayin’ “Dyke cop” is like sayin’ “Merry Christmas” these days. The mainstream media’s all a bunch of left-wing Christ hating dyke cop supporters.
  • Got a new photo connector thingie, so hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on photos manana.