Merry Christmas, You Old Savings and Loan!

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Hey gang, I hope you can check back on Christmas Eve, when I will have a very special Donspiracist and a very special Christmas Card for you all. And do me a favor over the holidays: Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” if you haven’t already. I was surprised to find out this week how many of you have never seen this film. I kicked against watching it for years, but when I finally gave in I discovered it was one of my favorite movies of all time. It takes place at Christmas, but it is hardly a Christmas movie, and I envy those of you who haven’t seen it because you’re gonna get the thrill of watching it for the first time. Trust me on this one, you’re gonna love it, whether you celebrate Christmas or not.
RELATED: A terrific Slate column a few years back which raises the point that Pottersville was a hell of a lot more fun than Bedford Falls.

The Scoreboard, brought to you by Lucia and Santa

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O’NEALS

  1. Altar Boys 95
  2. 8 Maids a MIlkin’ 87
  3. Guiness Snout 85
  4. Cornbread Mafia 85
  5. Young Old and Restless 80

BARDS

  1. The Hurtin Bombs 112
  2. Sofa Kingdom 92
  3. Western Omelette 91
  4. Alycia Lane is a Prostitute 75
  5. Prince Papa of Peace 72

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. Zooey 101 Flunked Sex Ed 101 (aka Jams) 95
  2. Bzzz Beep Boop Bop 94
  3. 1022 84
  4. Crazy NOS 81
  5. Leather Cheerios 66

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Duane’s World 111
  2. Santa’s MInions 107
  3. What’s With the Crowd 101
  4. 3:21 101
  5. Zoey 102: Sex Ed For Blondes 89
  6. But My Mom Says I’m Cool 89

GOOD DOG

  1. L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics 95
  2. MAGMA 94
  3. Ask Google 77
  4. If God Gives You Lemons, Get a New God 67
  5. Papy Chulo 62

BARDS

  1. Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp 90
  2. Third Times the Charm 87
  3. Sand From the Beach 79
  4. 4 Heebs & a Clueless Catholic 72
  5. Black Eyed Dyke Cops 65

Earing Wins MyFoxPhilly Holiday Party

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An impressive win for Earing (and a somewhat surprising win, considering that they don’t know how to spell earring) at the MyFoxPhilly holiday party. The scores were fairly high (well, except for Bizarre’s score), considering that the game only went three rounds. Here were the scores:

  1. EARING 74
  2. JAG’S 67
  3. HOLIDAY CHEERS 63
  4. TEAM AWESOME YES! 60
  5. CHICKS R US 57
  6. MINUS ONE 55
  7. THE SALESPEOPLE 45
  8. BIZARRE 37

If you want to liven up a company party with the best quizzo in the city, please feel free to contact me. Why hire Johnny? Click here to find out.

The Rumors Are Simply Not True

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Johnny Goodtimes did not do a duo of “Last Christmas” with Ock at Bonner’s last night. That being said, heres a funny story to pass along: Renee from the Hurtin Bombs was there, and I asked him to take some pictures. So he sat down next to a table full of girls to take the pictures. I’ll let the dialogue between him and one of the girls begin there:

  • GIRL: Is that Johnny Goodtimes?
  • RENEE: Yes, it is.
  • GIRL: Wow, his singing reminds me of his quizzo.
  • RENEE: Oh yeah, how’s that?
  • GIRL: It sucks.

Then, this girl hopped up on stage and sang the last verse of whatever song we were doing that certainly wasn’t Last Christmas. Picture of her singing after the jump.

Continue reading “The Rumors Are Simply Not True” →

The Video that Single-Handedly Ruined Billy Squiers Career


Billy Squier could flat out rock. I mean, even this song on its own is a pretty good one. And his beats were so funky that rappers still sample him regularly. (This is where Jay Z got the beat for 99 Problems.) His previous two albums had sold over 3 million copies each. He was destined for superstardom. And then somebody said, “Hey Billy, whattya think about doing a video with you humping the floor in a pink tank top?” and Billy said, “Let’s do it!” and then, BOOM, it was over. He never sold over 300,000 copies of an album again. This video is, in a seriousness, the equivalent of 50 Cent doing a video in a pink tank top on silk sheets. Can anybody think of a worse career move ever than this video…or can anyone think of a worse music video?