-Have a meeting at ten, so I’ll post photos in a couple of hours.

-Got a great text message from Rakim of the Axis of Evil Knieval yesterday: “I wouldn’t let Greg Lewis return a phone call.” I then sent out this text message as soon as the game was over: “The Eagles special teams: The Phillies bullpen of football.”

-There was only one person who could take the spotlight off Britney’s bomb (There is no question that my famous dance number was more electrifying than this) last night, and that would be the greatest rapper who ever lived…Kid Rock. He got in a fight with Tommie Lee and was arrested. This is totally going to win Pamela back. Trust me. You want an ex-girlfriend back? Just beat up another one of her ex-boyfriends. Women love it.

-It looks like big things are happening soon. Stay tuned.

–Jimmy Rollins has his case for MVP made in Sports Illustrated. However, it’s a poorly written article, to be honest. J-Roll will not get MVP. This team will not make the playoffs, and there is no way that a choking, underachieving team is going to be awarded for a 2nd straight year with an MVP.

-We’re gonna start voting for best sequel on Monday.

-You know what I’m sick of? These iphone whiners who are complaining b/c Apple cut the price of the iphone. You see, resourceful (read: cheap) people like myself have made the fairly obvious observation that high technology always comes way down in price quickly (see ipods, HDTVs, computers, everything, etc.) and waited patiently for this to happen. Quit whining. You knew it too. You just wanted to be the first kid in town with a new toy, and you paid $200 extra dollars for that status. Hope it’s working out for you.

-It was on this date in 1978 that one of the most James Bond murders ever occurred. A Bulgarian dissident named Georgi Markov was shot at a bus stop…with an umbrella.

The video for Read a Book (NOT SAFE FOR WORK AT ALL! Lots of cussing) is stirring up a lot of controversy, and a lot of people are calling it racist. I find it interesting that no-one considers rap videos encouraging the murder of other African Americans racist, but that a rap calling for people for buying land instead of rims is. And God forbid a rap video actually be thought provoking. Watch the CNN “journalist”, who certainly never questioned Bush this hard in the leadup to a freaking war, attack the creators of the video (And Here is part 2). It is incredible how clueless this journalist is. Does he not understand the irony that if they had just simply done a normal song about reading, they would have never appeared on CNN? BET should have played it at night instead of the daytime, but other than that, I think that it is an excellent satire of how despicable and ignorant hip hop music has become. Here is the rapper’s website. And here is an excellent column about the video.

As you probably know, I coach a lot of young African American children. Trust me, most of what they listen to and see on TV is a hell of a lot more offensive than this. And I am qute confident that 12 year olds understand sarcasm and satire.

-I saw a picture of Natalie Portman and I thought she had a log neck, so then I started thinking about the women in Myanmar who wear neck rings. So I looked them up, and it turns out that their necks aren’t elongated at all, because that is impossible. It just pushes their clavicles down.

–Jessica Pressler, who is probably most famous (or infamous) in Philly for the renowned 6th Burrough article, is moving to, where else, Brooklyn. I don’t know what number borough that is, but as a fan of almost all of the stories she’s written (minus one, ahem), I wish her the best of luck.

–This is great: The Dallas Stars dropped the gloves and took a shot at the NBA referee scandal as part of its campaign to sell seats for the 2007-08 season. A billboard near the American Airlines Center, the building the Stars share with the Dallas Mavericks, carries the message: “The only thing we shave is the ice.”

–On the Road was published on this date 50 years ago. I can honestly say that the book heavily influenced my decision to move to Hawaii. Here is the famous NYT review when the book was released.

-Happy 32nd, Rod!

Yo peeps. I’m kicking it in Salisbury, working on my column. Then I’ll finish the trip to Philly. Pretty good weekend at home, though I extended my “never making out with a bridesmaid at a wedding” streak. It was my step-sisters wedding, and it was a lot of fun. I spent the next day recovering from my hangover (I caught no women, but I caught a pretty good buzz). Labor Day, I just chilled out on my sisters beach, then we had some fresh crabs for dinner (that’s my uncle and my dad emptying the crab pot, above). Then I went to a buddies house and recorded a rap song. It’s dope. Hopefully, you’ll hear it before too long. I’ll post pics of winners as soon as I finish my Metro column.

Have you guys heard of Mx Headroom pirating telelvision in the late 80s? This is wild. It interfered with a showing of Dr. Who. The fake Headroom also interfered with a sportscast earlier that day. No-one has ever figured out who did it.

1) This Lost Boys star helped Sandra Bullock slow down an out of control cruise ship in Speed 2: Cruise Control. Who is he?
Jason Patric; there are apparently plans for a Speed 3. I am not kidding. In this one, they have to keep roller blading at least 15 miles an hour or their brains will explode. It will also star Sophia Coppola and Hulk Hogan.

2) This man’s mistress, Lucy Mercer, was at his side when he died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
FDR. Here’s a little background, and that is a photo of her above. FDR apparently not a big fan of attractive women.

3) What was Jimi Hendrix’s only Billboard top 40 hit?
All Along the Watchtower. Here he sings it live.

4) What brand of soft drink was invented in Waco, Texas, in 1885?
Dr. Pepper. It has 23 secret ingredients, all of them gross. Here’s a brief history of how Dr. Pepper got started.

5) Eastern Tennessee delared itself an independant state in 1784, but this idea was shot down by Congress a year later. What was this pseudo state named?
Franklin. Here’s a history of the pseudo state.

-Please buy Kanye West’s album when it is released on September 11th. Gangster hack 50 Cent has promised to retire if Kanye’s album outsells his, and 50 Cent retiring would be great for music and for America. He is a worthless, mindless moron and absolute HACK rapper. Kanye West, on the other hand, is intelligent and extremely talented, both as a rapper and producer.

-Stop the presses! Philly Mag has got the cover story the others couldn’t get! Children on the Main Line are spoiled! Holy s***! I had no idea! Thank you for this important investigation! Otherwise we would have never known! Next month, I think the cover story should be about how people who live on the Main Line have money. Or maybe one on this new trend called “Fantasy football”. (That being said, the article about Craig Laban vs. Chops is pretty good.)

-Happy birthday, Aaron Rowand! Welcome to your 30s! It’s kind of like your 20s, except without all the fun!

–This is just too ridiculous, but it will make your day.

The lovely Ginger and I had sort of fallen out of touch lately. We’ve both been pretty busy, and she’s been “going steady” with Lance Romance for like 7 months now. And you know how it is when one friend gets into a serious relationship, you just don’t see them as much. So we hadn’t really hung out in a few months.

Then, last night, a disaster. As I prepared to meet another friend for dinner (went to Uzu, a fairly good sushi place in Old City), I got a splinter in my foot. It hurt like heck, but even worse, it made me feel kind of lonely. I usually revel in my singleness, but getting a splinter is cause for wishing a woman was there who could help me get it out and listen to me pout about how bad it hurt and then tell me how brave I was being if I didn’t cry. I tried and I tried to get it myself, to no avail. Finally I went to dinner, grumpy and in pain.

THE DANGEROUS OPERATION
After another difficult self-operation this morning, I realized that I was never gonna get it out myself, and I knew that there was only one person in Philadelphia who knew me well enough to operate on my foot: Ginger. She came right over, and after a half hour of anguish and pain, the cursed splinter was removed. And now I feel good as new. All thanks to Ginger! She’s more than a lovely co-host, she’s a lifesaver!
RELATED: Johnny and Ginger go to Camden.

So I’m bitching about Philly Style Mag to Trivia Art yesterday, as I see that they have an article about this new phenomenon known as “Fantasy Football” in their City Life section: “Prevailing at this game requires drafting the best team possible…and playing them in a virtual competition against the teams assembled by family members, friends, or co-workers.” Really? You don’t say! Competing in a virtual “Fantasy” football game against friends and co-workers? How unique, and I would have never heard of it if not for your magazine! Hey, next month you guys should have an article in City Life that begins, “Bread is often used on what many people are calling ‘the sandwich’.” Anyways, I try to explain this to Trivia Art, and he says, “I can’t say anything bad about them, they called me ‘culinary crack’.” It’s a damn shame.