-Please buy Kanye West’s album when it is released on September 11th. Gangster hack 50 Cent has promised to retire if Kanye’s album outsells his, and 50 Cent retiring would be great for music and for America. He is a worthless, mindless moron and absolute HACK rapper. Kanye West, on the other hand, is intelligent and extremely talented, both as a rapper and producer.
-Stop the presses! Philly Mag has got the cover story the others couldn’t get! Children on the Main Line are spoiled! Holy s***! I had no idea! Thank you for this important investigation! Otherwise we would have never known! Next month, I think the cover story should be about how people who live on the Main Line have money. Or maybe one on this new trend called “Fantasy football”. (That being said, the article about Craig Laban vs. Chops is pretty good.)
-Happy birthday, Aaron Rowand! Welcome to your 30s! It’s kind of like your 20s, except without all the fun!
–This is just too ridiculous, but it will make your day.