Just when you think you can’t read anything weirder, when you think this city has blown your mind to the point where even the strange seems normal, you come across this in Dan Gross’s column. The first part is a pretty normal thing to read in Dan-o’s column. The second part changes everything:

Phillies slugger Jimmy Rollins celebrated his hitting streak the other night at 32? (16 S. 2nd) with teammates Kenny Lofton, Ryan Howard and Shane Victorino. 32’s Ira Zipper gave Rollins a bottle of Moet champagne as a gift.

The next night,Beth Twitty, mother of Natalee Holloway, the Alabama teen missing in Aruba, was in the club with local dairy mogul Joe Mammana.

Whaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!?????? Let me get this straight. Natalee Holloway’s mom is not only in Philly, but she’s hanging out with a “local dairy mogul” at 32 Degrees? And furthermore, there’s such a thing as a “dairy mogul”? This is one of the most insane things I’ve ever read.

Philadelphia’s smoothest quizmaster put another feather in his cap recently when he was named one of Philadelphia’s 40 Under 40 by socialphilly.com. But it was one of the other guys on the list who has captured our imagination. Anthony DiMeo, or “DIII”, as he calls himself, made a name for himself when he sued former Philly Weekly writer Jessica Pressler earlier this year. I believe the charge was “teasing”. Pressler made fun of a Christmas card he had sent out, so he sued her for $50,000. “DIII”‘s website is absolutely priceless, as “DIII” tries to encourage people to let him manage their wealth, while at the same time discussing his acting roles and his blueberry picking. Yes, “DIII” is a blueberry heir, which leads to the most priceless sentence on the website: “The primary duty of managing and supervising the crop harvest was not an easy task, considering the number of migrant workers involved in the picking process.” “DIII” is my new favorite Philadelphia celebrity, which is saying a lot when you realize how much I like myself.

Johnny is giving away two free tix for great seats to the Philadelphia Theatre Company’s production of Adrift in Macao. All you have to do to win is to write down in the comments section below the most ridiculous name for a Broadway musical you can think of. This is a title you make up, not what actual show had the funniest title. The person who comes up with the best/worst/funniest title wins the two free tix, which would cost you $86 if you bought them. Best of luck.

Way to hold onto a 4-3 lead. We really appreciate the help, you sorry bums. Moving on, should we fire Ed Wade before next season? This guy thinks so. How about Charlie Manuel? I like Charlie, and I think he did a great job with the young talent (keep in mind, Howard really struggled when he first came up, and Manuel didn’t get angry about it), but I do think he made some real bonehead decisions, and he wore out the bullpen by unnecessarily using them in blowouts. If Jim Leyland had been manager, I think we’d be talking playoffs right now.

At 10:54,
went to the website, and saw
Jim is our winner!

There has never been a higher intensity haiku competition in the history of the world, as Jim F. has staged a last minute comeback and, as of 3:38, we’ve got a tie! I’m going to extend the contest. Whoever is leading when I wake up tommorrow morning and check the site will be the winner. That could be 9 am. It could be noon. Hard to say. Ok, so it won’t be 9 am.

You ever see an animal with that, “Why doesn’t anybody love me?” face that just melts your heart? Well, that’s Harley, and he needs to be adopted so he can have a new “Look, somebody loves me!” face. If you know anybody looking for a dog, please tell them about Harley, a German Shepherd mix. He is housebroken and affectionate, but most people look past him when they come to the pound because they want puppies. But come on, puppies poop everywhere and yelp and are downright annoying. If you are interested, please send me an email at johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com, and I will put you in touch with the SPCA. Please tell any friend you have who is looking for a new dog.

…to anyone who punches former Education Secretary William Bennett in the face. Bennett said that “aborting every black baby in this country” would reduce the crime rate.

With only a few hours to go, it looks like Nate is going to take the haiku contest, barring a last minute comeback from Jim F.

It’s Good to Have Land laid the smackdown today, as team member Steve Lambeau said, “Sofa Kingdom might wanna make this little break they’ve taken recently a permanent vacation. There are new sheriffs at the Bards, and they’re wearing assless chaps.” Meanwhile, Nate of the Sofa Kingdom has had to look on in horror, as his lead in the haiku contest has evaporated, with voting ending tommorrow. The winner gets two free tix to the Adventure Aquarium in Camden. There are a lot of people winning free tix to upcoming shows at the Troc. All you gotta do to be eligible is play quizzo tonight.

Not since the ACLU came to the side of Rush Limbaugh in his pill-popping case have we seen anything like this: Johnny Goodtimes is defending a writer for Philly mag who is under fire from all fronts. Noel Weyrich wrote the only interesting article in the most recent episode of Philly mag, one about the disappearance of local girl LaToyia Figueroa, and now he’s getting blasted for it. It seems that the people bashing him, such as Will Bunch at Attytood, get caught up in the personal attacks on bloggers and miss the real point.

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