JGT: Thank you for joining us in the Johnny Goodtimes Round table discussion. Today we’re talking baseball. The playoffs are upon us, and we’ve got some wonderful guests to discuss them with us. We’ll get to Nelly, K7, and Vanilla in just a minute, but let’s start with Grand Puba, formerly of Brand Nubian. Jose Contreras will be throwing for the White Sox in Game One. What kind of pitches do you see him throwing early, Mr. Puba?
Puba:First batter up well here’s the pitch – it’s a curve
Second batter up because the first got served
The one who arouse, as I browse for a blouse
Kick styles by the piles, as I leave a trail for miles
Skins when I please, hit from here to Tel Aviv
I’m gettin G’s, no more time for the line of free cheese
Here’s the four one one hon, the one who gets the job done
I know you know the flavor of the Puba
JGT: Interesting theory. By the “four one one” I assume he is talking about Game 2 starter Tim Wakefield. Wakefield’s ERA is actually 4.15. David Ortiz has certainly hit from here to Tel Aviv this year, hasn’t he? 47 dingers and 132 RBI’s. Next we speak with Nelly. Nelly, being from St. Louis, is a big Cards fan. Nelly, the Cardinals will be facing young right hander Jake Peavey. Do you think that they should be aggressive against the 24 year old, or should they be patient at the plate and try to draw some early walks?
Nelly: I’m the first to swing, home run wit dat gimmie whatcha got thing,
hot wings, f*** a dub, smoke an ounce, show me love,
(swing batter batter, swing batter batter swing! batter up!)
I put my mack down, she threw a curveball, did ya all really smoke that herb y’all?,
It was a Nelly bowl, she did a drop of rock n’ roll, first base,
(swing batter batter, swing batter batter swing! batter up!)
JGT: Both of our guests today have discussed the role the curveball will play in the contests. Intriguing. As far as the herb is concerned, it must be stated that any player “smoking a Nelly bowl” will be subject to a 10 game suspension. Alright, next up, we have K7, who will talk a bit about the Braves-Astros series. K7, do you really think that the Braves, who faltered down the stretch, can hang with Houston’s big three of Clemens, Pettitte, and Oswalt?
K7: TWO BALLS AND A BAT
THE PITCHERS WEARS A HAT
SLIDING INTO HOME BASE
TRYING TO HIT A HOME RUN
SWING BATTA BATTA BATTA
BATTA BATTA SWING
JGT: I’m not sure I fully comprehend what you are saying, K7. Yes, the Astros pitchers will be wearing hats, but so will the other players. Also, why would you slide “into home base” while at the same time trying to hit a home run? Seems rather counterintuitive, and borderline sociopathic. Are you suggesting perhaps that the Braves power hitters, Andruw and Chipper Jones, should slide into the batters box, perhaps to throw the Astros pitchers off rhythm?
K7: BOUNCE COME ON BOUNCE
BOUNCE COME ON BOUNCE
TELL ME DO YOU IT LIKE THAT (YEAH YEAH)
DO YOU WANT A LITTLE MORE (YEAH YEAH)
NOW TELL ME DO YOU LOVE ME (YEAH YEAH)
COME ON (DO YOU LOVE ME)
JGT: Ahem. Let’s move now to the Yankees-Angels series, and our man in the field, Vanilla Ice. Vanilla has been hanging with the Yankees for the past few days. Vanilla, what is the mindset of the Yankees heading into Game 1?
Vanilla: Tonight’s the night of the big fight,
With the mic in my hand I got the grip tights.
Ready to swing it like a Louisville slugger,
Right at the head of a sucka,
Crack home run.
how did it feel to have the mic hit ya dome, son? Uh!
I tried to make your head ring like a church bell.
I put it on ya hard
I’ll make ya hurt well.
JGT: Wow, very aggressive! Surprising to see that much emotion coming from a team that has been there so many times before. With over $200 million invested in this team and no championship since 2000, is there any extra pressure on this team to win the Series?
Vanilla: Anything less than the best is a felony.
JGT: Indeed! Well, I want to thank our rappers for appearing on today’s program. I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s show. My name is Johnny Goodtimes. Take it light.