My vacation through scenic Europe continued today, as I visited the Taj Mahal. I didn’t even have time to change outta the clothes I wore yesterday! That’s what happens when you travel all over Europe. Anyways, I was surprised that Mayor McCheese made an appearance in thus Hindu nation. I can assure you, it didn’t go well. He was savagely beaten only moments after this photo was taken. Other than that, this part of the trip was great, although the appletinis aren’t as good as they are in Egypt. I hope things went well with Bobby. He assures me that things are even better than I left them. That’s great. Well, I’m looking forward to getting back to the states and seeing all of you next week. Boy, will I ahve some stories to tell!
Month: May 2006
Barry Bonds is good for baseball, you hypocrites
Philadelphia is the city that should be most ashamed of the way it treated Barry Bonds, because they were the most hypocritical about it. This is a city that prides itself on loving athletes who do whatever it takes to win, and yet when an athlete comes in here that has done everything possible, within the rules of the sport, to make himself better, he gets roundly booed. Bonds would have been given a standing ovation by the fans of Philadelphia if their actions backed up their words. As it is, they are all just boorish jerks looking for an excuse to boo.
Barry Bonds did steroids. So what? So did Phillies pitcher Ryan Franklin, but you don’t see Phillies fans booing him. At least, not until he starts pitching. And let’s face it; was it not brutally obvious that Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were on the juice during that great chase of ’98 that gave us all the fuzzies? So why does Barry not get treated like the star athlete that he is when he comes to Philly? Because he doesn’t operate under a facade of niceness, b/c his p.r. people don’t tell him to offer up a bunch of b.s. about “taking it one day at a time” and giving “110 percent”? You people always complain about how boring athletes are, then you get a guy who speaks his mind and you decide to hate him. Pathetic.
But what this really comes down to is the rules. Should Cy Young be villified b/c he was allowed to throw the spitball, which is now against the rules? No, so why should Bonds be villified for using steroids at a time when they were not only legal in baseball, but encouraged? It’s obvious that McGuire woulda never hit all those homers and gotten all those endorsement deals without the help of steroids, so why should Bonds be treated any differently than McGuire? The fact that baseball encouraged steroid use is baseball’s fault, not Bonds’s fault. He saw an opportunity to improve his game, and make himself better and his team better. And he did so in a way that he knew could potentially hurt his own health. He did what all the great ones do: He put it all on the line to improve his game within the framework of the rules. And you people, who call yourselves baseball fans, booed him. You just don’t know baseball.
My name is Bobby Badtimes. Beware my wrath!
Bobalicious
Oh, you thought I was kidding when I told you there were sexy dames all over me this week? I don’t lie, punks. So check out the evidence. I’m sure there will be even more dames rubbing their hands all over me tonight. I know you punks are jealous. You can like it, or you can hate it. But you better learn to love it.
Now, I know that the winning teams are wondering when they are going to get their pictures up. The answer? Whenever I feel like putting your f****** pictures up! It might be today, it might be tommorrow, it might be next week. I could care less about your team. I’m only interested in broads. You’re just gonna have to deal with it.
Free Stuff
I’m going to be giving away tix tonight to see the exceptionally funny Eugene Mirman at the Trocadero on Saturday night. You can read about the show on this week’s A-List in Philadelphia Weekly. I treat you people better than Johnny does. You know it’s true.
Related: Eugene Mirman’s website.
Johnny Awed by Ancient Pyramids, needs your help
Holy Cow! My tour of Europe continued today, as I toured the ancient pyramids of Egypt. Breathtaking! So much culture, such a rich history, such delicious appletinis! I tell ya, these bartenders here know how to make them. They say that they are inspired by Tutankhamen’s own recipe! How cool is that? I hope things are going ok with Bobby. He says that “sexy dame” participation is at an all time high this week. I hope that continues when I get back. But let’s face it, gals aren’t as crazy about a guy when he doesn’t have a permanent. Anybody got any suggestions for where I should visit manana? If so, type ’em below.
Help Da Kittens
Hey, Bobby B. here. As you might suspect, the only creatures dat love me as much as women are kittens (you sick f**** were expecting a pussy pun here, weren’t ya?). Anyways, I gets this email from the SPCA sayin’t that they need your help. So give it to ’em, or face the consequences! Here’s the deal. They got little kittens comin’ in, and dey is catchin’ diseases from cats with sniffles and colds. The kittens don’t got a strong enough immune system to fight off the colds, and they die. What the SPCA wants is some people who can just take in a kitten for a week or two, until it’s old enough and strong enough to fight off the cold. If you want more info on how you’se can help, or if you wanna adopt a pet, email Meghan at meghanfitz356@hotmail.com
Ladies Love Cool Bob
Yeah, so I caught a little buzz last night. Big friggin’ deal. The narkotyzing Dysfunktion thought it would be funny if they ordered me my favorite drink. A Boilermaker (Depth charge variety). MMM-MMM, was it delicious. And by delicious, I mean it was the worst drink I have ever had in my life. Thanks a lot, you knuckleheads. As you might imagine, the ladies were all over me last night.
No surprises there. I just can’t tell if it’s because of the permanent, or if it’s my brusque charm. Probably both. To be honest, I did receive some boos last night, but I need even more. I don’t think you people hate me enough. I’m gonna have to try harder.
Johnny Climbs Mount Everest!
Just one word to describe the view from the top of Everest: Awesome! This has always been a goal of mine, and this morning I said, “What the hell? Why not do it today?” Sweet! I hope everything went ok last night with Bobby. He told me that the women who played last night were all over him. That’s great. Hey listen, I’m heading off to Africa this afternoon, so I’ll send you a picture from there tommorrow. Bobby has to pick up my Spanish assignment, and by the time he’s done hitting on my hot Spanish teacher and Aditi Roy, it’ll probably be late afternoon. He’ll talk a little about last night then, and he’s promised me that he’s going to make his case for his favorite player, Barry Bonds, on the website tommorrow. Hope everything is going well in the good ol’ USA!
The Debate continues
Back in October, we got a lot of really good responses as to whether or not W was the worst president ever. Well, the topic came up again recently when Rolling Stone magazine did an article about it. Pretty interesting article.
Johnny spotted at Eiffel Tower
With Bobby Badtimes hosting quizzo this week, Johnny G. can enjoyed a well deserved vacation. Here he is enjoying the sights at the Eiffel Tower. “Bonjour! Boy, it sure is nice to have Bobby take over for a little while,” said Goodtimes, “So that I can enjoy wine, women, and song in the city of eternal light, or love, or whatever it is.”