Johnny Goodtimes went to the flower show on Saturday, but that doesn’t mean that he’s some sort of sissy, reports from Chinatown indicate. “There were a lot of other men there,” said Johnny, though critics were quick to point out that most of them were either married or at the very least had a date. Johnny went on to say that he’ll probably have pansies in his garden this year, but that he isn’t one. “I mean, yeah, I get my ass kicked a lot, but I usually get a couple of lucky shots in here and there.”

Beef up on your Ireland knowledge.

Ferocious Dump had wanted to get the whole Clay Aiken episode behind them. “We’re not even thinking about that clown now that William Hung is on the scene.” Alas, they were forced to think about him one last time, as Johnny’s camera “mysteriously” broke on Tuesday, forcing Johnny to use an old photo after the Dump’s big win. “We have every reason to believe this was an act of sabotage, probably perpetrated by the QLA,” said John Ashcroft from a hospital bed where hopefully he’ll die. “It has all the earmarks of a QLA (Quizzo Liberation Army) strike. They’re still mad that Johnny hasn’t responded to their demands that the True-False Round be dissolved. If Johnny wasn’t such a leftist pinko commie we would do a full investigation. ”

Hawaii Quiz-O, hot on the trail of the evil Wo Fat, stopped by Nick’s Roast Beef on Wednesday night, withstood a late charge from the Peco Power Play, and took a victory back to the islands. Then they noticed a local sleezebag, Otis “Silver Fox” Maplethorpe playing for another team. Danny Williams caught the swarthy bastard trying to escape out the door. Book ’em, Danno!

What two ships collided in the North Atlantic on July 25th, 1956?

Here they are: The top ten winners since we started keeping records at the start of September.

Rank	Team Name	Wins	Home Court
1	S2	10	O’Neals
2	Jams	9	Rendezvous
3	Team Hater	8	O’Neals
4	Would You w/ a Goat	7	The Bards
5	Western Omelette	6	The Bards
	Missing Heads	6	Black Sheep
7	W.T.F.	5	Black Sheep
8	Broad Street Bullies	4	Rendezvous
9	Troy McClure’s	4	Doc Watson’s
10	Numerous Teams are tied	3

There will be a great comedy show at Doc Watson’s, with several great local comedians performing, including Eric Todd and John Kensil. Johnny Goodtimes will be the MC. Showtime is 8:30 p.m. and tix are cheap.

Quiz U Iz or Quiz U Ain’t won at Nick’s Wednesday night, knocking off the Power Play, 86-78. But the big story was Nick’s change of bartenders. Joe, an Olde City legend, was recently traded to Houston for Yao Ming. “Yeah, Ming isn’t quite as polished as Joe was, and he doesn’t speak real good English, but he can easily snag bottles off our top shelf,” said bar owner Nick R. Beef. Nick’s also got a 2005 2nd round draft pick in the deal.

The Troy McClure’s were able to fight off the Sloe Gin Quiz on Monday night, despite tragically losing one of their leaders, Chucky Needlebump. Chucky, who had taken a part time gig as a prison guard at the Bastille, was overcome by a swarm of the bloodthirsty bourgeois. They led him to the Hotel de Ville, where, utilizing the most humane form of execution yet, they guillotined his head. “We were able to retrieve the head before they hung it on a post at the city gates,” said team member and Jeanne Luc Pierre. “Viva La France! Viva La Troy McClure’s!”

Skeletons in the Closet were able to knock out the competition at the first ever Johnny Goodtimes Marriage Spectacular. But
Mike “Dr.” Love, who’s celebration it was, wasn’t entirely pleased with Goodtimes. “Listen, this was kind of a low key affair. I don’t know why Johnny felt the need to show off by bringing his celebrity friends Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra. This was my day, not theirs.” Johnny thinks Mike was just bitter because his team finished last, and Carmen and Dave played for the winners.

***Congratulations Mike and Beth!!!