With the championship game tommorrow, I’ll be watching the best sports movie ever made, Hoosiers, tonight. Here’s the differences between the movie and the real life team it was based on.
You got Pittsnogled by Bobby Badtimes
Remember how I used to hate McGillan’s Olde Ale House, because they kicked me out on New Year’s Day? Well, now I got a new beef. I went to McGillan’s on Wednesday for karaoke. I had hoped to do “Flashdance…What a Feeling” because I rock that song. But a bum ankle made the accompanying dance number all but impossible. So I just watched. Ok, here’s the part where I start to get pissed. Some chick goes up there and does the Celine Dion song from Titanic. As if that wasn’t bad enough, a bunch of people in the crowd, instead of being disgusted and throwing silverware at her, starts singing along. EVEN A BLACK GUY! I don’t know about you, but I’ve kind of put black people up on a pedestal of koolness. Well, that all came crashing down. As did my opposition to the death penalty, because every single person who sings along to Celine Dion should be executed. It will greatly enhance the gene pool.
Ah, Freedom of Speech in Bush’s America
It’s vital for our president to have these town hall forums, because it gives all Americans a chance to debate important issues, as long as they agree with EVERY one of his policies. Also, if you’re driving in Florida, beware of crazed Democrats.
To save you time…
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I have combed through all of those porn titles and come up with the best 25, because there are some dandies, but the list is kind of long. Just click below for the best ones. That’s a palm tree in the photo, by the way.
Uh-Oh
I got this email this morning: Johnny Cash… Dead. Johnny Carson… Dead. Johnnie Cochran…Dead. It is only a matter of time, Goodtimes.
Toga! Toga! Toga!
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A fraternity at California State University is in big trouble because they let a professional adult film maker shoot a hardcore porn during a toga party. Also, check out Pimp Daddy Swank’s list of Great porn movie titles. There are some real gems, such as “Ben-Hur Over”, “A League of Their Moan”, and “Das Booty.”
Johnny to appear at Fergie’s
Johnny will be one of several comedians appearing on on Saturday, April 16th at Fergies Pub (12th and Sansom)! More details will be forthcoming in the near future.
Gervase to Host Reality Quizzo
In a devastasting blow to Johnny’s Quizzo Empire, he is now facing heat from former “Survivor” contestant Gervase, who will be hosting Reality Show Quizzo at Finn McCool’s (12th and Sansom) on Wednesday. (By the way, you can see Johnny at Finn’s every Monday at 10 p.m., hosting comedy open mic.) Also, MJ from Real World said that he hates Philly, which leads to an argument I had with a friend of mine a while back: should Philly have treated the Real World cast like the whiny glory hogs they are, or should we have treated them well, so young people would want to move to the city? He said that the city needs young people, and that by confirming our reputation as a bunch of rude degenerates, we were going to keep them away. I said that anybody who wants to move to Philly because MJ lived here should be stabbed in the neck with a pencil, and I’d rather not have them here. What do you think?
Philly Most Depressed CIty in Country
It is on this cold, rainy Monday that I come to bring you the bad news: We are absolutely miserable. We were voted by Men’s Health (the same clowns who voted us second fattest) to be the most depressed city in America. By the way, after doing a little research, I found that Laredo, Texas, voted Least Depressed, also ranked third in Dumbest Cities in America. I’d rather be smart and miserable than stupid and happy. I would write more, but I just don’t feel like it. This survey has made me too depressed.
Question of the Week
Known as the “Girl With the Curl” and “America’s Sweetheart”, this actress was the first female to ever make more than a million dollars a year acting.