I have to admit, I was highly skeptical when heading to see Comedysportz on Saturday night to be a “celebrity” judge. While good improv is funny, bad improv is among the most painful experiences a human can endure. But these guys are freaking good. Real good. Like “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” good. Extremely quick-witted and sharp, they keep the crowd involved throughout the performance. I had a blast. What’s even better, I’m gonna be giving away tickets to see these guys all week at quizzo. (No, that was not a b.s. preface so you would come out for free tickets. This is something I really think you are going to like.) I’ll also be givin g away tickets to see Front 242 this week.

Trust me on this one. Just read it, if you haven’t already done so. Here’s an article by the authors about why the crack trade has quieted down (or at least why we’re no longer hearing about it). In the book, they explain why the violent crime rate has fallen so dramatically, why sumo wrestlers cheat, and how Superman destroyed the KKK. Refreshingly non-political look at a number of highly politically charged topics.

Well, the first question of Quizzo Bowl II has Been answered, as over 90% of the people who voted in the poll think that Nate Wiley and the Crowd Pleasers should be brought back for Quizzo Bowl II. Now the next question: Where should we hold it? Yes, things went well at World Cafe Live, and they went even better at Beat the Champs, as we fixed all the problems we had at QBI. It’s a beautiful facility. But like the Super Bowl, should we hold this somewhere else each year? I have spoken with the Trocadero about possibly doing it there. A strange idea I had: How about the huge, gawky Chinese restaurant in South Philly? I went there for Dim Sum one time and saw that they have a stage and a ton of room to fit a lot of people. They serve booze, and it could be really goofy and fun. What do you guys think? Please leave comments below as to what you think of these spots or send me an email to johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com, and if you have any other spots that you think would be ideal, PLEASE let me know about them.

I just did some catching up on the 100 point club and added a bunch of teams. If your team scored 100 and won and is not up there, please let me know. I will certainly post it. Also, I just posted round two from Beat the Champs in the online quizzes section for all you knuckleheads who missed a great show in August. It’s a Philadelphia True/False.

I was alerted at the Rendezvous last night that Action News was going to be running some sort of exclusive action story about the town of Centralia. “What could have happenend in Centralia?” I wondered. A thousand questions ran through my mind. Did a house fall into the coal mine? Had they gotten the fire under control? Were the residents seceeding from the Union? Did I spell seceeding right? No, the story reported that the town is exceptionally dangerous.

Tom Rathbun/Department Of Environmental Protection: “What it’s burning is the coal that’s holding up the surface. And so, the ground can collapse suddenly, with no warning. And so people who are walking around up there are putting themselves in great danger.”

I was one of the brave, hardy souls who put my life in danger just a few months ago. But Johnny Goodtimes will stop at nothing to get the story and bring it to you people. Nothing, not even a dangerous walk over a ground that could collapse suddenly, bringing me to my fiery, fiery death.

I will be attending the City Paper Choice Awards Party tonight, basking in the glow of my own greatness, and will therefore not make it to quizzo. However, my trusty sidekick Trivia Art will be cold rockin’ it at both the Good Dog and the Bards.

After yesterday’s disastrous news conference, Terrell Owens today announced that he had fired Drew Rosenhaus and hired a new agent, Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer. Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer, who fell into a crevasse 100,000 years ago and was thawed out in 1988, had this to say at a press conference this morning: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! The bright lights of your enormous stadiums make me want to leave my luxury suite and run off into the hills, or wherever. When I watch the game on your televisions, I wonder, ‘How did they fit all of those tiny men inside that little box?’ My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know-that the Eagles should relinquish part of the $12 million they have under the salary cap and pay my client commensurate to his prolific performance over the past ten seasons and, more importantly, his heroic performance on the gridiron in last year’s Super Bowl. I have nothing more to say.”

Just found something I did a while back and never posted. These are my favorite college sports team names ever. Yes, these are all actual sports team names. (Please list any good ones I’ve left out below.)
The University fo California Irvine Anteaters
Our Lady of the Lake University Armadillos
Blackburn College Battlin’ Beavers
The University of Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils (the women’s teams are called the Cotton Blossoms. I kid you not.)
Cal State Long Beach Dirtbags
South Dakota School of Mines Hardrockers
Tufts University Jumbos
Southwestern College Moundbuilders
Rhode Island School of Design Nads

In a story that has been kept under raps by the national media, Philadelphia quizmaster Johnny Goodtimes was one of several thousand fans at the 20th annual Punkin Chunkin in Delaware who was nearly killed by an errant pumpkin. Here Johnny tells his side of the story; a side of the story event organizers and the national press don’t want you to hear.

It is a giant cornfield, filled with enormous, colorful cannons and gigantic catapults. Various booths sell Pumpkin memorabilia, cowboy hats, and pumpkin waffles. One booth sells freedom fries. There is a mechanical bull, carnival rides, and a large stage where bands play both types of music, country and western.

Welcome to the 20th Annual Punkin Chunkin in Millsboro, Delaware, where ordinary men have an opportunity, every November, to try to become legends of the gourd tossing community and where other ordinary men, such as myself, have an opportunity to use the phrase “punkin chunkin” hundreds of times over the course of the weekend.

Continue reading “The dark side of the Punkin’ Chunkin’” →

It was the greatest question I’ve ever heard a reporter ask. Not a sports reporter. Any reporter. Ever. Ever. At TO’s press conference, one reporter asked Drew Rosenhaus, “What have you done for TO besides get him kicked off the team?” In fact, it may be the best question I’ve ever heard one human being ask another one. (According to Blinq, it was Channel Six reporter David Henry). Check out D-Mac’s running blog of the press conference and the insane letter he received about how Philly deserves a hurricane because of the way we treat TO. Quick question. Has anyone ever seen an athlete with a faster and more complete fall from grace? Palmeiro, maybe?