Yeah, so I caught a little buzz last night. Big friggin’ deal. The narkotyzing Dysfunktion thought it would be funny if they ordered me my favorite drink. A Boilermaker (Depth charge variety). MMM-MMM, was it delicious. And by delicious, I mean it was the worst drink I have ever had in my life. Thanks a lot, you knuckleheads. As you might imagine, the ladies were all over me last night.
No surprises there. I just can’t tell if it’s because of the permanent, or if it’s my brusque charm. Probably both. To be honest, I did receive some boos last night, but I need even more. I don’t think you people hate me enough. I’m gonna have to try harder.
Johnny Climbs Mount Everest!
Just one word to describe the view from the top of Everest: Awesome! This has always been a goal of mine, and this morning I said, “What the hell? Why not do it today?” Sweet! I hope everything went ok last night with Bobby. He told me that the women who played last night were all over him. That’s great. Hey listen, I’m heading off to Africa this afternoon, so I’ll send you a picture from there tommorrow. Bobby has to pick up my Spanish assignment, and by the time he’s done hitting on my hot Spanish teacher and Aditi Roy, it’ll probably be late afternoon. He’ll talk a little about last night then, and he’s promised me that he’s going to make his case for his favorite player, Barry Bonds, on the website tommorrow. Hope everything is going well in the good ol’ USA!
The Debate continues
Back in October, we got a lot of really good responses as to whether or not W was the worst president ever. Well, the topic came up again recently when Rolling Stone magazine did an article about it. Pretty interesting article.
Johnny spotted at Eiffel Tower
With Bobby Badtimes hosting quizzo this week, Johnny G. can enjoyed a well deserved vacation. Here he is enjoying the sights at the Eiffel Tower. “Bonjour! Boy, it sure is nice to have Bobby take over for a little while,” said Goodtimes, “So that I can enjoy wine, women, and song in the city of eternal light, or love, or whatever it is.”
Question of the week
What team did Babe Ruth play for at the end of his career?
Soho Pizza with the lovely ginger
Went to Soho Pizza (218 Market) last week with the lovely Ginger. I have always liked Soho. The pizza is good, the atmosphere is nice without being stuffy, and they serve ya quick. Usually I go for their BBQ chicken slices, but they didn’t have them this time. So I decided on pineapple and bacon, just to piss off Palestra Jon when he read this. It was pretty solid. I then got a red slice with garlic, pesto, and no cheese. Uh, it was ok but I kind of think you need cheese to call it a pizza, so in hindsight it was a bad choice. I think I was just having a fat day, so I didn’t get something else. The guy working behind the counter talked our ears off. He was nice enough, and he told us that the best place he had ever worked was Applebees, b/c he had an “under the table” deal going on. Though I don’t think he was referring to the Applebees at 15th and Locust, I think they need to be investigated by the IRS anyway, just to be sure. Here was the lovely Ginger’s take:
The crust was perfect, as it is every time I go. The environment is a pinch more upscale than your typical pizza joint, but still welcoming. The actual warming device is quite possible the most spectacular pizza oven in the city. Once I got past the oven, I realized that I could get a buzz-on simultaneously while chowing down on some on the finest pizza Philadelphia has to offer. Being a beer aficionado, I couldn’t help but be excited about the option of Chimay Blue with my slice. I just sat back and thought, “Wow, life is good.” Crust? Check. Sauce? Check. Cheese? Check. Slice size? Check. Two thumbs up wish I had a third. Oops—no we’re talking pepperoni’s, right? Let’s see. 3 and ¾. Just visit during the day, when the drunk a******* of old city aren’t lurking around, chanting, “doll face.” Bonus- Played a game of scrabble on a different trp there, dining al fresco. Scrabble and a slice…hakuna matata.
Yeah, the lovely Ginger gave it a 3 3/4, I think I’ll give it a 3 1/2. Worth the trip to Old City. Oh, and rumor has it that the lovely Ginger is newly single, so if you want to impress her, take her to Soho, and order some beer that you’re not sure how to pronounce. Ginger is a major beer snob. She told me that she met some guy last weekend who was gorgeous, and he asked her for his number. “So, you gave it to him, right?” I asked. “No, he was drinking the King of Beers, so I couldn’t see a future with him.”
Taken out at the ballgame
Went to Phillies game last night, and sat next to a couple who were not only Giants fans, but who also had a sign which read, “We believe in you, Barry.” The fans in my section were not pleased with these people. The man beside me, who was a bit older and balding, sat quietly as the fans chanted “Ro-gaine! Ro-gaine!” and also had to endure chants of “She’s on steroids” aimed at his wife. The man made the mistake of standing up with his cardboard sign and then all hell broke loose. Somebody yelled something, then the man’s wife yelled back, “Suck a d***!” Well, then this lady in front of her who had come with her kids started going nuts. Apparently it was ok for Phillies fans to scream obscenities, but not Giants fans. So now she and the GIants lady were screaming and the crowd was going absolutely wild. Security started flying in from all sides. The crowd began chanting, “Kick them out! Kick them out!” I thought they were kicking them out, so I told one of the security guards, “They’ve been taking a lot of s***.”He said that they knew and that they were just going to move them to another section. The crowd, unaware of this, started singing the “shananana hey hey hey goodbye” song. Somebody dumped a beer on the dude, just because he had a freaking Barry Bonds sign. Philly sports fans, once again, jumped on the opportunity to make asses of themselves. It’s one thing to chant. It’s another thing to dump beer on somebody. Pathetic. Other than that, though, it was a great game. I’ve never seen a ball hit as high as the one Bonds hit. It was majestic, and for all the booing as we did all game, we certainly stood in awe of Barry’s shot. The best sign I saw at the park? One which read “To boo list” then followed with a list of each of the following things checked off: “Santa, Kobe, Barry Bonds, Clubber Lang.”
Bobby Badtimes to host quizzo this week
I will be hosting quizzo this week, and I’m going in with only one goal. I want, at the end of each of the six contests I host this week, to see at least one person in tears. Don’t come to quizzo if you are expecting “good times”, b/c there will none. I will be drinking too much, saying inappropriate things at precisely the wrong time, and throwing long, awkward, uncomfortable stares at you women. I will be cussing like a sailor. I implore you to not bring children to the bar. If all goes according to plan, I will punch at least two of you in the face by the end of the week.
Related: Don’t Join Bobby on Myspace. He doesn’t want you to.
Holy Freaking S***! Big Bobby Badtimes News!
There are rumblings coming from Bobby Badtimes camp. Major rumblings. The type of rumbling that makes you wonder if your cities infrastructure can handle what is coming next. Though nothing has been confirmed, rumor has it that you are going to be seeing more of Bobby Badtimes next week. A lot more! A whole lot more! Details coming on Monday!
The GaYOMETER
I’m going to be honest. I’m a little disappointed with my performance on the gayometer. I’m only 40% gay. I thought I was a little gayer than that. Anyways, take it yourself, and feel free to post the results below.