Around the Horn, brought to you by perennial bottom feeders, the Angry Dragons

07-21-2007 005 (Custom).jpg
-Today is Simon Bolivars birthday. Learn more about South America’s biggest hero. Celebrate it by having a Corona tonight at O’Neals quizzo. Oh wait, what? Mexico’s not in South…Oh, uh, nevermind about that Corona thing. But still play quizzo.

-Think that all athletes are dog-fighting drug addicts who cheat and lie? They are. We kid, we kid. Actually, a couple of Texans just made a pretty cool deal. When Ahman Green went to the Texans, he wanted #30. The guy wearing #30, Jason Simmons, said that he could have the number…as long as he made a down payment on a house for a single parent. Deal.

-Joe Sixpack is the bearer of some interesting news: Yards Brewery is breaking up. Founder and co-owner Tom Kehoe is splitting with his partners, Bill and Nancy Barton, and will move the 13-year-old brewery to a new, to-be-chosen location…The Bartons will keep Yards’ hulking brewing facility in Kensington and begin producing a new brand. The new brand? Gonna be called Meters. God, that was awful. I just don’t got it this morning.

Lindsay Lohan arrested for a DUI, possession of cocaine, and skyjacking a plane and then jumping out over Oregon. Just kidding about the last one…but would you really be THAT shocked if I wasn’t?

Congratulations Steve Gerben!!!

m_d49dfb9573c53f73a8909f6ec1aa4e63.jpg
Over 100 comics competed in this years Philly’s Funniest competition at Helium Comedy Club, and when the dust settled, Steve Gerben reigned supreme. His act is hilarious, and on top of that he’s a damn nice guy. Anton Shuford finished 2nd, Chip finished 3rd, and Pat Barker finished 4th. I went both Friday and Saturday nights, and the local comedians at both shows were tremendous. The headline guy, Craig Gass, was ok. I’m not a huge fan of blue comedy, so I wasn’t crazy about it. I was a little surprised they had a blue comic act as MC for this thing, but he did do some great impressions and I’ve certainly seen worse. For example, me at Muhlenberg College in 2003.
I’d like to direct you to this portion of the story: The emcee for the night, Pat Kelley, got on stage and started a low-grade stand up routine consisting mainly of crass fart jokes. Next came John Goodtimes who was only slightly better than Kelley, which isn’t saying much.

Yep, that was the night I learned the old comic adage, “Don’t do your Hitler joke at Muhlenberg College.”

Old School South Philly

lanzaSP111.jpg
Found some pretty interesting stuff about South Philly while tooling around on the internet this weekend.

*First up, here’s an article in which Philadelphia legend Mario Lanza (who I featured in a Metro article a couple of months ago) talks about how much he loves his hometown.

*Where did Frank Sinatra like to hang out when he came to Philly? Find out here.

*Here’s a brief history of the mob in Philadelphia. The most succesful mob boss in Philadelphia history was Angelo Bruno, who was killed in 1980. His wife passed away last week.

CHip CHantry goes for the gold

StephenChantrySham06BR.jpg
JGT pal and former Wheel of Terrific co-host Chip CHantry is vying for the role of Philadelphia’s funniest man in the annual Philly’s Phunniest competition. That picture above is not of Chip, but if you google image Chip, that guy comes up. And I think that the guy above is how I see Chip now: going the distance, the finish line in sight. And wearing a tank top and black short shorts. Two different rounds of comedy tonight. Some really funny guys at both the 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. shows at Helium.

Was Buchanan Gay?

james-buchanan.jpg
I touched on it a bit in my colum in this weeks Metro (column after the jump). Here some historians debate it. Here’s a little bit more comprehensive site about the question of his sexuality and about Buchanan in general. Other White House gay rumors? The other big one is Lincoln. Then there is Rose Cleveland. Though not married to a president, she did serve as first lady to her brother until he got married. She then left the White House and carried on a relationship with a widow named Evangeline Simpson. Anyways, click below to read my column on Buchanan, his first love, the rumors about his sexuaity, and his legacy as president.

Continue reading “Was Buchanan Gay?”

Around the Horn, brought to you by Etch-a-Sketch Magic Johnson

etchasketch.jpg
-Apparently the EZ Bake Oven has become an incinerator of death and destruction, so it’s getting recalled. Wow, and here I thought an oven for two year olds to bake things was a good idea.

-Remember how when you were a kid and you saw those secret rooms on Scooby Doo and totally wished your house had a “secret room”? And then remember how when you got older you wished you could spend all your free time doing drugs with hookers? Well, this guy made both of his dreams come true! If you can believe it, you can achieve it!

A nuclear reactor in New Jersey leaks some radiation. Tragically, it doesn’t kill any Jerseyites.

-As people continue to be justifiably outraged at Michael Vick’s crimes against animals, keep in mind that our vice president also enjoys participating in animal cruelty.

What we are raising money for

kimmeyerredshield.jpg
I spoke with Kim, who runs the Red Shield Summer Camp, and asked her a few questions about the program and about homelessness in general, so that you’d know where the money you are donating is going:
Kim, please give me the basic details of the program.
The Red Shield Family Residence is a homeless shelter that houses forty-two families. Of an average population of 140 usually 90 are children under the age of eighteen.

I work with the kids who are ages 6-12 years. Before arriving, many of the kids have been subjected to being bounced around from place to place, trauma, food insecurity, and early parentification to younger siblings. The program’s goals are meant to address the needs of the kids to stabilize and have the shelter experience be one that is a positive.

We use many activities to achieve our goals.

Art helps the kids express themselves when they may not have the words to do so. The kids volunteer in the community to allow them the opportunity to realize that they too have something to give and are not the bottom rung of the charity ladder. For example we box food for MANNA to help those living with AIDS. The kids have their own garden, which is used to supply the shelter residents with fresh produce in their diets. This gives them the ability to feel that they are able to contribute to their family needs with kid-grown and kid-cooked dishes, as these are kids who want to have a way to help. This year the kids are being taught photography and we will have a gallery show at the end of the summer. In addition, the kids are participating in Capoeira (Brazilian martial arts/dance). They will be a part of the martial arts community ceremony and be belted.

In addition to art as therapy the kids also are participating in therapy groups and conflict resolution and anger management workshops. Academics are a huge and daily focus of the program as well, as are life skills.

2) How long have you been doing it?
It was five years this past April.

3) Do you think there are any wrong impressions the general public has about the homeless?
Absolutely. Most people think that the homeless and poor are lazy people who don’t want to work. Few consider the broader oppressive structural issues that fuel poverty in this country. We as a society have been trained that if you work you get ahead. Not everyone is offered opportunity or can see beyond the inequality they were born into. My goal is to expose the kids to as many things as possible outside their typical experience as possible. People cannot dream about things they cannot fathom. I want to encourage them to realize there is no goal beyond their abilities.

4) How can the money we raise benefit your program?
We need film, money for field trips, art supplies, everything really. We need so much.

5) What the toughest part of your job? What’s the best part of it?
The toughest part is seeing so many kids falling through the cracks. It is hard to see that all kids do not all have the same starting point. It is hard when people don’t treat the kids with respect. In addition, some of the kids have had to deal with so very much, and yet with it all they are so receptive to even the tiniest bit of love, attention and affection.

If you would like to donate your time or money to this program, please contact Kim at kberk7@juno.com.

The Hipsters are back at it!

226714032_m.jpg
In the dregs of summer, finally a fun little summer rivalry. Steven Wells, the kind-of-like-Lewis-Black hipster from the Weekly, took another cheap shot at Joey Sweeney, the talented and funny yet seemingly cocky hipster dude from Philebrity who has never returned a single email of mine even when I’ve asked for assistance in charity related events (Dude, WTF?). Anyways, one thing I do admire about Sweeney is his insistence on coming out swinging when someone takes a shot at him, and he didn’t disappoint. My favorite part from the Wells PW column: the gossip blog’s still raking in money from advertisers too dumb to realize they’re associating their product with the hipster equivalent of Benedict Arnold. What? How does one become the hipster equivalent of Benedict Arnold? Go to the gym? Watch a baseball game? Laugh at something for being unironically funny? Stop drinking the High Life? Aw man, generalizations are fun. Anyways, we’ve needed this. I mean, the Phils are mediocre and we haven’t had a good rivalry in this city since Danny Ozark vs. that reporter with granny panties.
Previously: When hipsters attack.