Around the Horn, brought to you by perennial bottom feeders, the Angry Dragons

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-Today is Simon Bolivars birthday. Learn more about South America’s biggest hero. Celebrate it by having a Corona tonight at O’Neals quizzo. Oh wait, what? Mexico’s not in South…Oh, uh, nevermind about that Corona thing. But still play quizzo.

-Think that all athletes are dog-fighting drug addicts who cheat and lie? They are. We kid, we kid. Actually, a couple of Texans just made a pretty cool deal. When Ahman Green went to the Texans, he wanted #30. The guy wearing #30, Jason Simmons, said that he could have the number…as long as he made a down payment on a house for a single parent. Deal.

-Joe Sixpack is the bearer of some interesting news: Yards Brewery is breaking up. Founder and co-owner Tom Kehoe is splitting with his partners, Bill and Nancy Barton, and will move the 13-year-old brewery to a new, to-be-chosen location…The Bartons will keep Yards’ hulking brewing facility in Kensington and begin producing a new brand. The new brand? Gonna be called Meters. God, that was awful. I just don’t got it this morning.

Lindsay Lohan arrested for a DUI, possession of cocaine, and skyjacking a plane and then jumping out over Oregon. Just kidding about the last one…but would you really be THAT shocked if I wasn’t?