There’s only one way to describe this weekend’s soccer action: Booooooooring. After the opening game, which was won 4-2 by Germany, I think the rest of games were all 1-0, except for two, one of which was 0-0. 0-0? Seriously, is there anything lamer than a 0-0 sporting event? That’s like a strip poker match where everybody refuses to take any clothes off. And one game was 1-0 only because one team put the ball in their own goal. Can somebody explain to me why soccer has this stupid offsides rule which makes scoring essentially impossible? I mean, I wanna like the World Cup, I really do. But they have to score some freaking points. Please! Anyways, I’m gonna be at Black Sheep to watch the USA game if anybody wants to swing by during their lunch break.

Bernard Hopkins is going to be taking on Antonio Tarver tommorrow night in Atlantic City. Tarver is going to be playing Mason “The Line” Dixon in the upcoming Rocky movie, which is, quite frankly, the stupidest name for a bad guy I’ve ever heard. Apparently they decided against the name Hawley “The Tarriff” Smoot. If you’ve never read my interview with Hopkins from last year (before he lost to Jermain Taylor for the second time), I highly recommend it. He talks about his life in prison before he became a boxer, why there are no good white boxers, and bashes Donovan. Honestly, this is a really neat interview.
Related: Johnny interviews the Executioner.

Man, this has not been my healthiest week. Monday night I hit both Jim’s and Moriarity’s. On Tuesday, I hit Lorenzo’s on South Street. You know how their pizza is kind of inconsistent? This time it was awesome. On Wednesday I got a burger from Monk’s. I think their beer is a little too pricey, but damn, their burgers are amazing. Then, yesterday, I got another cheesesteak, this one from Oscar’s Tavern, one of my favorite bars in the city. I feel like I need to hit another great place this weekend, to keep the momentum going. Where should I go? Any suggestions? I’m thinking about checking out the Cantina El Caballito, the new Mexican place. But other than that, I’m just eating salads this weekend. Seriously. I got to get my fat ass to the gym now, big time, and then I’ll get to work on stories for this week.

A’ight, I’m Audi, but I’ll leave you with a few little nuggets. FIrst of all, wanna say thanks to everyone who’s been writing in with their “Worst movies of all time“. I’m getting a kick out of reading your comments. Also, be sure to vote in the new poll on the right side of the page about bad movies. Here’s a link to local Daily News writer Will Bunch bashing bigoted Geno’s owner Joe Vento. And finally, who hasn’t thought about a tropical island getaway? Well, I can tell you one thing. Average Homeboy has.

The Sofa Kingdom won at an eerily quiet Cartoon Quizzo at the Franklin Institute on friday, as rumors flew that Goodtimes had finally jumped the shark. Despite a small crowd, the quizzo turned out to be a lot of fun, as Johnny played the soundtracks to various cartoons (Including Gem) throughout the night and a collage of cartoons was shown on the big screen. The primary reason for the low turnout, surmised Goodtimes, was the torrential downpour at the time of quizzo (One team had to leave halfway through the game b/c their basement flooded). His critics weren’t so sure. “Yeah, right, it was the rain,” said Bobby Badtimes, “And I’m the tooth fairy. Listen, people are just fed up with Goodtimes. They thought they were gonna get a science quizzo last time, and they got “‘Every Little Beat of My Heart’ by Hilary Duff. This was payback.” There is going to be a Superhero quizzo on the 30th of June. Though Johnny will be unable to host (he’s heading back to Europe), it is believed that a visitor from another planet, known as Quizzoman, will be hosting.More details will be forthcoming.

After watching a History of Violence the other night, a movie that I think might make my top 10 worst movies ever, I started to think, what is the worst movie I’ve ever seen? It’s a tough one. I have seen Plan 9 From Outer Space, but it’s so campy, it’s kind of enjoyable. There are other remarkably bad movies I’ve seen as well. Big Top Pee Wee, Bio-Dome, Speed,and Death Becomes Her all come to mind. As does Armageddon. Zoolander is the only film I’ve ever walked out of the theatre on. I really didn’t hate Showgirls that much, but htat probably says more about me than it does about the movie. But I have to say that the most melodramatic load of horses*** I’ve ever seen is Twister. It followed every cliche ever offered up by a Hollywood film. I mean there were bad guy tornado chasers in this film, and they drove black vans. The dialogue was fingernails on a chalkboard excruciating, just one pathetically unfunny one-liner after another, interrupted by the bad storm chasers saying really mean things and two peole falling in love with a ferocious twister in the background and one of the characters dealing with the fact that her dad was killed by a tornado. Man, I hate this movie. Anyways, I want you guys to let me know what your least favorite movies are. I might even try to watch a few of them.

In what city did Anton Levay begin the Church of Satan in 1966?

That’s right people. Tonight we will celebrate the end of the world and have a devilsihly good time at quizzo with the 666 Spectacular. Today is a particularly good day to join the Church of Satan, “the first above ground organization in history openly dedicated to the acceptance of Man’s true nature-that of a carnal beast, living in a cosmos which is permeataed and motivated by the Dark Force which we call Satan.” Say what you will about those Satanists, they hire really good writers for the website.

When I wanna know where to take a girl on a date, or where to grab a cheap drink, or who’s got a good lunch deal, I call up Trivia Art, who has eaten at pretty much eaten at every restaurant in this town at least once and who seems to always know who has good beers for cheap. Well, fortunately for you, Trivia Art has decided to share his vast knowledge of the local gastronomic scene with everybody on his new website, foobooz.com. It’s not a place where he critiques local restaurants, but it’s a place where you can find out who has great deals on food and booze throughout the city.

Have you ever decided to rent a movie because it got great reviews, then watch it and be convinced that all movie reviewers are glue addicts? This was the case with History of Violence, which every reviewer and their mom thought was great, but which was absolutely awful, sort of like a Jean Claude Van Damme pic, except with a less plausible storyline. I mean, this may honestly be the most worthless film I’ve seen in years, and yet every reviewer I read thought it was pure genius. Did anybody else see this film and think it looked like something that should be on the USA network at 3 in the morning?