The Grand Inquizzator (AKA “Upper GI”, AKA Inquizzanator, AKA Roy S.) would
like to take this opportunity not only to refer to himself in the third person, but
also to sincerely thank each and every person who cast a vote on his behalf. I
hereby humbly accept the office of Rear Vice-Admiral in Charge of Pub Knowledge. As RVACPK, I swear to uphold the notoriously loose moral constructs set forth by Mr. Goodtimes himself at the onset of his despotic reign.
And I furthermore swear to concede the throne of Quizzo back to JGT upon his return, provided he is not killed by one of the dolphins he will be working with. Of course, dolphins are notoriously bloodthirsty animals; thus, the probability of his survival is certainly no more than 50%. Therefore, assuming his death in advance, I hereby pledge 4% of all future Quizzo earnings to whomever amongst his surviving relatives can successfully prosecute me for having trained the killer dolphins. Once again, thank you all for voting me, your better, into this most esteemed office. I find you all very attractive. No, seriously.

The Grand Inquizzanator was able to pull away from Trivia Art in the final hours of the “Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes” Contest to win, 167-130. The JGT Ethics Committee is recounting the votes by hand, but since this is impossible, it is believed that GI will remain the victor. Trivia Art is expected to submit a concession letter later today. Art will be the Vice-Quizmaster.

The Grand Inquizzator quickly responded to Art’s last minute plea with the following:

I’m not in charge of the website. I couldn’t post a photo if my life depended
on it (unless Trivia Art showed me how). I’ve known JGT for about a year tops.
But when I was born, my mother took me in her arms whilst watching Jeopardy and explained to me my destiny. Aged only 12 days, I somehow grasped every word. I would do quizzo. Then we watched Alien. The connection may have been tenuous, but nonetheless I understood that this man Art, who I’d never met (and still haven’t) was the Alien, come to supplant the innards of red-blooded Americans with the demon seed of mediocre trivia.. Now, mere minutes from fulfilling my destiny, that same Alien would have you believe that he is the torch-bearer of quality Philly Quizzo. It just ain’t so, folks. Vote for the Great Enunciator, the Inquizzator. Like I said, I really need this gig. Plus, some small payoffs might be arranged as well. PS – I’ll be famous soon, and we’ll be friends forever, I promise!

Johnnygoodtimes.com has just learned that Trivia Art and the Grand Inquizzanator will be pleading their cases to the crowd at Doc Watson’s tonight. The only two contestants who, at this point in the game, really have a shot at the title, will both try to pick up undecided voters at 11th and Locust establishment. Quizzo begins at 8:15 p.m.

With less than eight hours to go, the Inquizzanator holds a somewhat sizable lead, but johnnygoodtimes.com has gained access to a top secret e-mail that he recently sent to the King of Goodtimes, stating, as follows:

“dude – when is the voting over? this s*** is bugging me out.”

When told of the comments, former White House aide Henry Kissinger replied, “Hmmm, that’s funny. I remember Nixon saying the same thing on election day ’72.” Comparisons to Nixon are the last thing the Inquizzanator needs at this juncture. It will be interesting to see what kind of response, if any, will come from Inquizzanator camp.