Team Mug Night Emerges from Blizzard, Photoshop Stan Fired

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After completely obscuring the faces of the winning team (Team Mug Night, unobscured above) at the Dog on Thursday, Photoshop Stan was let go by Johnny Goodtimes, Inc. Stan (below), whose dependence on glue and liquid valium has been troublesome to the organization for years, finally went over the line on Thursday. “I don’t know,” said Stan, “I thought it was kind of funny. But what do I know? I’m just a glue sniffing photoshopper. Also, I like liquid valium. And white out.” Stan’s interim replacement will be intern Lou “JPEG” Jackson.
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It’s Official! Johnny Signs belly dancer!

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That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Goodtimes has landed one of the most talented belly dancers on the East Coast! Najia, the one you see belly dancing on the Action News lead-in montage, will be halftime entertainment at the halftime show of Quizzo Bowl I! I will bet dollars to doughnuts that Johnny’s halftime show will be better than the Super Bowl’s halftime show. Najia has entertained audiences throughout the United States for over ten years, and now you will have an opportunity to see her perform live! For more info about her, go to her website.

Spiro Agnew Got a Raw Deal

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Spiro Agnew Got A Raw Deal was finally able to get to the proverbial mountaintop at Doc’s on Monday night, even joining the 100 point club. The team, out and about town to promote the new movie “Spiro Agnew 3-D” on IMAX, says that this is a “must-see” for Nixon fans and tax evaders. The film, in which Henry Winkler will play Agnew, comes to the Franklin Center IMAX in February.

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Beware My Wrath!!! by Bobby Badtimes

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Does anyone really give a s*** about Saturn’s moon? I mean, seriously. We can’t afford to lower class sizes, we can’t afford to adequately protect our troops in Iraq, but we can afford to help the Europeans send a spaceship to Saturn’s moon? And oooh, aren’t those pictures pretty! Almost like grey mud! I say, no more money for this stupid space exploration unless we go somewhere where we will definitely find aliens.

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