A spokesman for Philadelphia Gas Works, Henry Kibbles, said today that PGW is “looking forward to killing a lot of poor people this winter!” Kibbles added that he saw what happened with Katrina and thought, “We can do right here with gas what Hurricane Katrina did with wind and rain!” PGW will be adding a 19% gas hike today to the 5% hike they added on September 1st. They will then be adding another increase on December 1st. In addition, they will be cutting off the gas of people who can’t afford their bills throughout the winter. “It’s what we call putting ‘the freeze’ on the poor!” explained Kibbles, who then began laughing maniacally.

Four of the members of the Philadelphia Utilities Commission (PHUC) gave the proposal the go-ahead. Said PHUC spokesman Marvin “The Iceman” Garvin , “Look, we’re trying to encourage rich white people to move into the city. The last thing they want is to live in a city with a bunch of poor people. If we can kill the poor people off, we can encourage the rich people to move here!”

The email addresses of the four members of the Philadelphia Utilities Commission who voted in favor of this increase are posted below. PLEASE send them an e-mail to tell them what you think of them allowing the poor to be thrown out on the streets during the winter. Even if it’s only a quick note. A month after Katrina, please don’t forget that there are those less fortunate than us whose lives are going to be ruined by these people. Yes, I am aware that prices were going to go up after the hurricane, but there is no reason for the average person in Philadelphia to pay over twice as much for gas this winter as they did in 2003, which is what a PGW spokesman recently confirmed. That is gouging.

James Cawley: jhc@state.pa.us
Bill Shane: wshane@state.pa.us
Kim Pizzingrilli: kpizzin@state.pa.us
Terry Fitzpatrick: tfitzpatri@state.pa.us

Edgar Allen Poe died under mysterious circumstances on October 7, 1849. There are a number of theories about his death, but it’s hard to know what really happened, because no autopsy was done. Here’s what a cardiologist from the University of Maryland concluded in 1996. If you have not visited the Poe House on Spring Garden, I highly recommend it. Read The Black Cat before visiting. That story is really brought to life in the basement.

Penguins are funny!

Alrigth, gang, get your ideas for a funny Broadway musical title in today, as I will be accepting entries until midnight tonight. I will determine my favorites over the weekend, and we will vote on which one we think should win next week. The winner receives two great seats to see the upcoming Philadelphia Theatre Company’s performance of “Adrift in Macao.”

It seems like everybody is talking about the avian flu that has us all shaking in our boots. But it’s so hard to find reliable information about this pandemic that has killed almost 65 old people in Asia. Enter Dr. Bartleby McDowell, M.D. Dr. McDowell, M.D. has been practicing in the medical profession for over 23 years, and has earned the respect of the entire Philadelphia physician community with his work on various flus and bugs. We are very excited to welcome him as the newest member of our team! Dr. McDowell, M.D. answers tough questions from you our readers after the jump!

Continue reading “Dr. Bartleby McDowell, M.D. Answers Questions about Avian Flu!” →

Well, my good friends at Philadelphia magazine have a poll of sorts going on. They want to know who you think the best five Philadelphians ever were. Now some are easy, such as Ben Franklin and Richard Gere. But that leaves you with three slots to fill. Now I’ll leave two to you, and ask that on the third you write “Johnny Goodtimes”. Let’s face it, every man, woman, and child in America could enter my name and they wouldn’t give me credit for it, but it might still be fun, just to piss them off.

Got this email earlier, and thought you might enjoy it. Thanks to James for sending this in. If you see anything interesting, weird, funny, etc., that you think our readers would be interested in, please send it to johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com. As far as the Broadway play contest, it’s on fire right now, with over 50 submissions. Be sure to get yours in before Friday!

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

Continue reading “Thought You Might Enjoy These” →

JGT: Thank you for joining us in the Johnny Goodtimes Round table discussion. Today we’re talking baseball. The playoffs are upon us, and we’ve got some wonderful guests to discuss them with us. We’ll get to Nelly, K7, and Vanilla in just a minute, but let’s start with Grand Puba, formerly of Brand Nubian. Jose Contreras will be throwing for the White Sox in Game One. What kind of pitches do you see him throwing early, Mr. Puba?

Puba:First batter up well here’s the pitch – it’s a curve
Second batter up because the first got served
The one who arouse, as I browse for a blouse
Kick styles by the piles, as I leave a trail for miles
Skins when I please, hit from here to Tel Aviv
I’m gettin G’s, no more time for the line of free cheese
Here’s the four one one hon, the one who gets the job done
I know you know the flavor of the Puba

JGT: Interesting theory. By the “four one one” I assume he is talking about Game 2 starter Tim Wakefield. Wakefield’s ERA is actually 4.15. David Ortiz has certainly hit from here to Tel Aviv this year, hasn’t he? 47 dingers and 132 RBI’s. Next we speak with Nelly. Nelly, being from St. Louis, is a big Cards fan. Nelly, the Cardinals will be facing young right hander Jake Peavey. Do you think that they should be aggressive against the 24 year old, or should they be patient at the plate and try to draw some early walks?

Continue reading “Your Favorite Rappers Discuss the Upcoming Playoffs!” →

The first ever Hooters was established on October 4th, 1983, in what US city? (What? You think I used the question of the week as an excuse to put a pic of Hooters girls on the website? You should be ashamed of yourself!) Hey, be sure to post your worst Broadway musical title for a shot at some great theatre tix.

Remember Heartbreaker Harley? Well, he was adopted over the weekend! In other PSPCA news, there is going to be a “Yappy Hour” on Wednesday at 32 Degrees. You can bring your dog to this event, and there are rumors that there might even be a local “dairy mogul” at said event.