Month: March 2012

Phillies Facts, Baseballs Dipped in Horsecrap, and a Great Trivia Question

A lot going on in sports right now that I think you guys are gonna dig.

  • Great trivia question: Who is the only person to play for both the Phillies and the Eagles? Find out here.
  • I went on WIP on Tuesday night to talk some baseball and ended up telling a quick story about bringing Kobe Bryant into the water with dolphins. Click here and then click on the “1 a.m. hour” part of the podcast to give it a listen.

Week 2 Springvitational Scores Are Now Posted


Here are the scores through Week 2. This includes the Mad Men quiz but not Monday night’s results. Teams in yellow are in line for a bonus prize, teams in blue are looking good, and teams in green need to get crackin’. Keep in mind, the best way to score bonus points is to record a high score. Scores of 100 or higher get 2 bonus points, while scores of 90 of higher get one. See ya this week!

International Week Continues Tonight

International Week rolls on at JGT’s quizzes, starting at O’Neals at 8 p.m. I would suggest bringing a geography person for your team as well as a girl who likes pop culture. Both will be helpful. We move to City Tap House at 10:15, where we’ll be doing a fundraiser. No pressure, whatever you want to donate is fine, but it will all go to a very cool cause. Hope to see ya tonight!

Haiti Fundraiser Tonight at City Tap House

The Penn Nursing Task Force on Haiti will be asking for donations tonight at the City Tap House. Here is a bit of info on the project:

We are joining a long term project to develop the nursing education program in Haiti. The project began at Regis College in Boston. Currently no university level nursing programs exist in Haiti and health literacy in general is very low. Regis college is bringing Haitian nurses (currently educated at the equivalent of an associates degree) to Boston to receive a graduate level education. These nurses have committed to return to Haiti and build a university level nursing education program. The Haitian nurses will complete their masters degree partially on line, partially in Boston, and partially in Haiti when nursing professors from U.S. universities travel there to teach. Faculty from Penn Nursing are volunteering to teach the Haitian nurses in Boston this year and Haiti in the future. This will require unpaid leave for weeks or more, and significant expenses for travel and accommodations. The Penn Nursing Task Force on Haiti is raising money to support the teachers who volunteer so that we will be able to send more faculty.

There will be a raffle at tonight’s quiz as well. Among the gift’s will be a gift certificate to Chabaa Thai Bistro, free tickets to a show at the International House, and two bottles of chianti. Gonna be several questions on Haiti as well. Might want to study up on your Haiti knowledge if you’re gonna play at CTH. Hope to see ya tonight, and bring a few bucks to help this wonderful cause. Action starts at 10:15 p.m.

International Week Starts Tonight

It’s International Week at quizzo this week, with all questions having a foreign flavor, from French actresses to Egyptians pyramids to Canadian bacon. The week will include a Haitian fundraiser at the City Tap House on Tuesday. Details forthcoming. Action starts tonight at North Star Bar at 7 p.m. 1/2 off hummus, 1/2 off mussels, and $3 Kenzingers. We move to Sidecar. Back upstairs this week, I’m pretty sure. Action starts at 9:15 p.m. A dollar off all bitter beers. Hope to see ya tonight!

The Great Bagel Meltdown of ’12

The following is all fiction and not based on any people, places or events. Even the dog is just a figment of my imagination.

One Spring morning, a couple walks their dog past The Montreal Bagel Hut, a new bagel place that has opened in their neighborhood.

HUSBAND: Hey look honey, Montreal style bagels.

WIFE: What does that mean?

HUSBAND: I don’t know. I guess they make them like they make them in Montreal.

WIFE: No shit, honey. But how do they make them in Montreal?

HUSBAND: No idea. Maybe we should find out.

Wife looks at menu in the window.

WIFE: Wow, these bagels are kind of expensive.

HUSBAND: Of course they are, dear. They’re made Montreal style. Hey look, a wood oven! They make them in there! No wonder they’re so expensive.

Husband takes out a ten spot and hands it to wife. He takes an outdoor table with the dog.

HUSBAND: Can you get me a coffee too?

Wife goes inside to grab a coffee and order a couple of bagels. Husband takes a seat outside, getting excited about trying a new style of bagel. Wife returns to the table with the coffees in hand.

HUSBAND: I’ve never been to Montreal, but my ex went to college there.

WIFE: I know. You’ve told me that 100 times. Do you remember where I went to college?

HUSBAND: Missouri?

WIFE: No, San Diego State.

HUSBAND: Well, I knew it was one of those schools that got upset in the first round of the tournament. Did you know that Montreal’s underground city is based on blueprints made by Da Vinci?

WIFE: Yes, you told me that already. Like 100 times. Whenever Montreal comes up, you have two things to offer. One that your ex went to school there and two that it’s underground city was based on DaVinci drawings. You should probably learn some new Montreal facts.

HUSBAND: Their football team is called the Alouettes. I do know that. Vince Ferragamo used to be their quarterback.

WIFE: Nobody cares.

Server comes out with two baskets with bagels in them and places them on the table. Both bagels are topped with cream cheese.

WIFE: I got one sesame and one everything.

HUSBAND: Good call. Oh boy, here we go. Our first Montreal style bagel.

Husband takes a bite. His brow furrows. A frown crosses his face.

HUSBAND: Why is this bagel raw?

WIFE: Raw? What are you talking about?

HUSBAND: This is a raw bagel. They didn’t toast it. Did you say you wanted it untoasted?

WIFE: No, they didn’t ask if I wanted it toasted. I assumed they were going to toast it.

HUSBAND: Of course you did. They have a GIANT F***ING WOOD OVEN IN THERE. Perfect for toasting things!

WIFE: Keep your voice down.

HUSBAND: No, I will not keep my voice down! Who eats raw bagels? Crazy people and birds. That’s it!

WIFE: I think crazy people call them “raw”.

HUSBAND: When I go to a pizza place with a wood oven, do I need to tell them that I want the pizza heated up in their oven? No, because they assume I’m not crazy. These bagel people assume I’m either crazy or a giant pigeon.

Couple at next table turns around to look at husband, whose voice is a little too loud. To compensate, he leans forward and whispers his next line.

HUSBAND: How much did these Montreal style bagels cost us?

WIFE: $3 each.

Whisper voice gets louder.

HUSBAND: $3 each? $3 each? For a piece of cold bread, served Montreal style? Oh I’m gonna Yelp the shit out of these jerks.

WIFE: Honey, I should have said toasted. It’s not their fault.

Husband is by now incredulous. His eyes open wide. His voice rises. Not quite a yell, but certainly noticed by nearby tables and passers by.

HUSBAND: Not their fault? NOT THEIR FAULT? Not their fault that they own a giant god damn oven with a fire inside of it and they assume we want a cold bagel? How is that not their fault?

WIFE: The giant stove is to cook them the first time. Then they take them out and if say you want them toasted, I bet they put them in a toaster, not back in the oven.

HUSBAND: Oh, well look who’s an expert on Montreal style bagels all of a sudden.

WIFE: Can we just go home?

HUSBAND: Yes, but not before I feed the rest of this bagel to some pigeons right in front of their window, so they can see me do it.

WIFE: You’re insane.  We’re out of here.

Wife stands up to leave. Husband stands up in a huff. As they walk away, he stares angrily at busy employees inside shop, who don’t return his stare.

HUSBAND: Let’s go to Dunkin Donuts. I know they put their doughnuts in the oven. I’ve seen it on the commercials.

Everything You Need to Know About the Mad Men Quiz Sunday

What: Mad Men quizzo and costume contest.

Who: You, me, and a bunch of other Mad Men junkies.

When: Sunday, March 25th.

Where: The Trestle Inn. 11th and Callowhill (Callowhill Street…the Madison Avenue of Philly!)

Why: It’s the debut of season 5, and I wanted to do a quiz in a spot with a 60s vibe. This place has it.

So what’s the deal? Teams of up to 6 can play. Teams who show up early will get first priority of seating. (I would suggest showing early. I could be wrong, but I think we’re gonna get a pretty packed house for this.) Extra incentive for showing early? We’re going to show the last episode of Season 4 before quizzo begins. (Showing is at 5 p.m. in the back room.) Quizzo will start at 6, and should be done by 8:15 so you’ve got time to make it home to watch the Season 5 premiere (which starts at 9).

Will there be drink specials? Yes. $3 Lord Chesterfield Drafts, $5 for a can of PBR and a shot of Old Crow, and their delicious Whiskey Sours are only $4. (I had one on Tuesday. Trust me. They’re great.)

Are we supposed to dress up? I am highly encouraging people to dress in their Mad Men finest. In fact, best dressed wins a gift certificate.

Is it free to play? Yes.

The Trestle Inn? Is that a strip club? No, it’s no longer a strip club. It’s a whiskey go-go bar with great beers on tap, and their drink list is inspired by the libations popular in the 1960s. That’s why I really wanted to do it at this bar. The only drawback is that it’s not huge. It can probably seat about 75. Once we cross that point, park’s closed. So don’t show up right at 6 if you want to guarantee yourself a seat.

What Will the Quiz Be Like? With the attention to detail shown by the show, I think it would do it a disservice to not show that same detail in my questions. There will be questions on the characters, the actors, the producers, the products, the music, and some of the historical events that take place within the show, among other things.  If you love Mad Men, I think you are really going to dig this quiz.

 

Hey There Folks! It’s Fastball Pitcher Bob Gutierrez!


Attention local business people. For what it’s worth, anything you advertise featuring Fastball Pitcher Bob Gutierrez I will promote the living s*** out of, regardless if I’m involved or not. There is a Narragansett Cream Ale launch party Thursday at 7 at Bar on 13th and Sansom (I am not involved with this, but am promoting it. See how that works?). Go to it. Tell em Fastball Bob sent ya. Then go to quizzo at the Bards. Bring Fastball Bob.

An Open Letter From Chip Chantry Regarding His Domination of Us

As I write this letter, I am gazing upon the current standings of Johnny Goodtimes’s March Madness Bracket-Tacular. It did not take very long for me to find my name, as it is ON TOP OF THE LIST. That’s right- my bracket (BINGO SUPERNUEVA, named after the Spanish cousin of the world’s greatest comedian) is tied for FIRST PLACE.

Now, I understand that this is not the end of the tournament. I am aware that the standings change as new games are played. And I know that this glory may fade. However, at this very moment, I AM WINNING.

Why am I pointing this out? Am I that boastful? Do I take competition that seriously? Do I pride myself as one of the sharpest sports minds in the city of Philadelphia? NO! Quite the contrary! I know nothing about college basketball! I don’t think I have ever watched a complete game. I mean, I saw Hoosiers when I was ten, and that’s about the extent of it. And that’s about high school basketball! At least I think it is! I don’t know!

So the purpose of this letter is not to tell you how smart or well-versed I am in college basketball. Because I’m obviously not! This letter is to point out how awful and pathetic all of you must be to be losing to me. And quite frankly, I’m an idiot! It took me three minutes to fill out the bracket. And the only reason it took so long was because I was eating a PB&J, and I dripped some jam on my keyboard and had to clean it.

Here’s how little I know about this subject. I picked Syracuse to win it all… SYRACUSE! And that was after that one guy got kicked off the team for stealing another team’s goat mascot, or whatever he did. Actually, I think that was Greg Brady that did that. I don’t even know what happened! AND I’M IN FIRST PLACE!!!

Why did I pick Syracuse? Because I heard some people babbling about it on twitter. So I figured, “Oh, they must be good!” I didn’t even bother to read the content of the tweets! 140 characters was too much for me to read about a topic I care so little about! (By the way, follow me on twitter at @ChipChantry .)

Why did I pick Kansas to go to the Elite 8 (that’s what it’s called, right?)? Because my friend, Ken Carfagno, wore a Kansas jersey all the time in 7th grade. That was in 1990. That’s how up on college basketball I am. Are you starting to realize how terrible your brackets are? Is it sinking in yet? You are losing to an imbecile!

Let’s put this in perspective. Let’s say a local club is having a drag queen night. And there is a prize for the best act. And former Senator Rick Santorum enters the contest, shows up in a sweater vest and slacks, and reads some of his favorite bible verses. And then he wins the contest. Can you imagine how terrible those drag queens must have been to lose out to that maniac? Of course you could imagine! Because YOU are those drag queens, and I AM RICK SANTORUM!

OK, I’d like to retract the part where I compare myself to Rick Santorum. But I think you get the gist of it: I know nothing about NCAA basketball, which means you know even less.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. All 90+ of you. What a group of pathetic, incompetent losers.

Oh, and one more thing: LONG LIVE STEAK EM UP!!! I can relate to that team. Because just like me, they are winners.

See you all in heck.

Chip Chantry

Famous comedian, current leader of JGT’s Bracket-Tacular.