Ladies, if you’re interested in going out with me, I’m going to insist that you use this product to maintain your looks. Otherwise you’re history. The only time you may take it off is when you are immersed in water. Otherwise THE MASK STAYS ON!
The Jams 7 game win streak came to a close yesterday, as two members of the Kingdom knocked ’em out at the Vous last night and collected the $30. The parity party continued at the Black Sheep, as we had our fifth winner in five weeks. Tonight, we’ve got the Good Dog kicking off at 8 p.m., and the Bards at 10 p.m. Hope to see ya tonight!
Trivia Art was in Dublin last week, and while there he snapped this photo of a picture of what looks to be an Irish guitarist who looks eerily like me. I haven’t been this freaked out since that computer program told me I looked like Haydn Christiansen. I wonder what my Irish guitarist game was? Johnny O’Times?
Instead of beer drinking babes in bikinis or cars racing around the autobahn, recession-era television advertising includes a lot more D-celebrities using high quality knives while yelling at us that we’ll get an even better deal if we order within the next 15 minutes. I think this is great news, because infomercials are so much more fun than regular commercials. The acting is brutal, the scripts are terrible, and the products seem highly dubious. Here are a few of my all-time favorites:
GLH-9…Hair in a Can! This is my favorite product anyone has ever invented ever, and that includes electricity. GLH-9 took men who were considerably bald and, with just a few quick sprays, had them looking like they were bald with black spray paint on their heads. Incredible!
Tom Vu Technique. This Vietnamese immigrant made millions using a simple real estate system. How do we know? Because he’s playing Backgammon on a yacht with several busty blondes. And only rich people play Backgammon.
The Juiceman Juicer. The Juiceman Jay Kordich wowed audiences with a machine that turned fruits into juices, and he was so high energy that one wondered if one of the fruits he juiced was that of the coca plant. That being said, this is the only infomercial product I actually own, and I’ll be honest, it’s one of my prized possessions.*
Probably the most talked about new infomercial has been the Snuggie. Needless to say, most blankets were made back when humans were four feet tall and had no desire to look like followers of an evil cult. But now with the Snuggie, the whole family can comfortably go to the big game looking like it’s only a matter of days before they sacrifice their first born son to the Hale Bopp comet.
The Flowbee. It sucks as it cuts! It was a haircutting attachment that hooked up to your vacuum, and then, presumably, sucked your hair right off your head. Sounds pleasant. Makes about as much sense as a toenail trimmer that attaches to your garbage disposal. Hey wait, that’s not a bad idea!
Only people who played at Black Sheep last week got to do the Philly Fun Spots Round because we did this one for the Travel Channel, so I’m gonna drop it on ya here to see how ya do.
In what building will you find the Dream Garden, the stunning Tiffany Glass mosaic based on a painting by Maxfield Parrish?
This park used to be a drug haven, but after recent renovations it now has a carousel and putt putt golf course.
What cheap and beloved mexican restaurant will you find at 908 Washington Street?
This legendary music venue first opened in 1870, and is the only 19th century Victorian Theater still in operation in the United States.
Built in 1927, this Philly gem is known as the Cathedral of College Basketball.
This 45 acre garden in Fairmount Park is named after it’s founder, a Quaker farmer who was one of Ben Franklin’s good friends.
The oldest continually operated bar in Philadelphia opened in 1860. What is it?
Judy Wicks founded this West Philly favorite 26 years ago, and just gave up ownership last month.
Formerly the lunchroom for a long since shuttered brewery, it is now one of the funkiest music venues in town.
Many Philadelphians claim that the best cheesesteak around isn’t in Philly at all, but on Henry Avenue in nearby Roxborough.
OK, so a bunch of us had fun with a triples quiz last night at the Black Sheep, so I figured I’d give you a few of them. They work like this: I give you a hint for three things that when combined make sense. In other words, if I say, Seinfeld actor+Macedonian leader+Fitzgerald classic=Jason Alexander the Great Gatsby. Answers after the jump. Good luck! And if you’ve got any of these to add, drop ’em in comments below.
Diarist+architect+Tom Wolfe book=
76er Great+90s R&B group+Great Running back of the 70s and 80s=
Ray Charles song+American adventure author+raincoat manufacturer=
Surprising boxer+Army General+famous American playwright=
QUADRUPLE! Ohio State great+Kansas City Royal+The Hitman+80s TV show=
Think I might check this out on Sunday and thought you guys might wanna do the same. It’s a Beef and Beer, it’s $25 for all you can eat and drink, and it benefits a great cause. There are also gonna be a ton of really cool prizes auctioned off during the event. Here are the deets:
Beef and Beer to benefit Andrea Corey
Andrea is currently battling pancreatic and liver cancer
Sunday, March 1st from 3-7 at Bonner’s Irish Pub (23rd and Sansom)
$25 at the door gets you all you can eat and drink (beer only) – liquor isn’t included
Items to be raffled off during the event include:
Dinner and a room at the Borgata for a night
A suite for 16 including food and beverage at Camden Yards
Four tickets for a suite at a Boston Red Sox game
Certificate to be a ball boy/girl at a Phillies game plus 2 club box tickets
Sixers basketball autographed by the entire team
Thaddeus Young autographed sneakers
Various gift certificates to area restaurants
Gift certificates to salons, etc.
Various tickets to upcoming events at the Wachovia Center and Spectrum
And much more, including Flyers memorabilia.
Also, there are rumors that local megastar Chip Chantry will be attending. You know Chip, the one who decided to title our two man show “Chip Chantry’s One Man Show”? Yeah, great guy. A real pal. Anyways, I hear he’s going to be there. And me too. The star power in that room is going to be like a freaking, uh, star. Be there!
The Jams have succesfully fought off the bounty the last two weeks by a total of 2 points. WIll this be the week they finally fall? We’ll see. Rumor has it that there are some big names playing tonight, including the Kingdom and possibly Lamda. If you wanna see how you stack up against the big boys, tonight’s the night.
