Around the Horn

-The winner at the box office this week was Ghost Rider, a Nicholas Cage movie that looks, quite honestly, like it could be the worst film ever made. Last week’s winner was Norbit, which looks, quite honestly, like it could be the worst film ever made. Next week number one at the box office is expected to be Judge Dredd 2: Dredd Vs. Wapner.

-Remember when you were a kid, and your mom had a rough couple of weeks, so she bolted out of rehab and shaved her head bald and got tattoos all over the back of her neck? Of course you do. So why make a fuss when Britney does it? The amazing thing is that she’s going to lose the custody battle to Kevin “Playing With Fire” Federline, which is kind of like losing a hockey game to the Flyers: almost impossible to do unless you are trying.

-Philly sucks at recycling. Somebody has a plan with proven results. John Street doesn’t have time to hear it.

-I meant to post this last week but didn’t. It’s Bill Conlin’s look at what he thinks the Phillies batting order should be. He drops Rollins in the lineup to protect Howard, which is a great idea. I love Jelly Roll, but I hate having a leadoff hitter with a OBP that isn’t much higher than his BA. Holy cow, it’s mid February and we’re already talking baseball. This is awesome.

Hello-The Week in Review

We began the week by showing True Romance at the Troc. The show opened with a very special Love Connection, as Chip Chantry was looking for love. Asronaut Lisa Nowak tried to snag Chip, but when she found out that another contestant was dating her astronaut lover, she flew into a rage and sprayed her with Mace. Next up, sexy bartender Mariann was up for grabs. It looked for a second that a terrorist was going to win her hand, but his “Death to America!” screams infuriated the Abe Lincoln impersonator who was trying to win her devotion. The terrorist looked like he had beaten the Lincoln impersonator with the sleeper hold, but the crowds chants of “USA! USA!” stirred something deep within the Lincoln impersonator and he came back and beat up the terrorist and won Mariann’s hand. In other words, it was a pretty damn funny show.

On to quizzo. Another week, another blowout at O’Neals, as the Young the Old and the Restless won easily again, crushing Philly Hardcore. I am hereby announcing that there will be a $25 bounty on YOR’s head next week, the first time they have ever been honored with the Bounty Bowl designation.

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Holy Freaking Cow! Saturday in CHinatown is Perfect!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Johnny, you brilliant little devil you, you planned this so perfectly. A comedy show that ends right at midnight in Chinatown, so that those of us at your show can then step right outside and see the midnight Chinese New Year Parade! Absolutely brilliant!” To which I can only say, uh, yeah, you’re right. I, uh, planned it this way all along because I have, uh, remarkable foresight and people who say that this is just a totally awesome coincidence have no iea what they are talking about.

Holy s***! Are you kidding me? This rules! What a great excuse to see some great comedy and also a midnight parade! And you might as well get some good Asian food while you are there. I suggest Penang or the Sang Dee Peking Duck House. They both rock.
RELATED: JGT Comedy Spectacular.

Why I like Shaq

I just can’t help but like Shaq. I tried so hard to hate him for so many years, but that damn smile and sunny disposition finally wore me down. He’s funny, he seems like a genuinely kool guy, and he seems to get it. He showed further evidence of his class and intelligence when speaking about gay former NBA player John Amaechi. (which to me is a hell of a lot more interesting than the Anna Nicole Smith debacle.)

”If he was on my team, I guess I would have to protect him from the outsiders,” O’Neal said in Boston on Wednesday night. ”I’m not homophobic or anything…. I’m not the type who judges people. I wish him well.”

It has taken working with kids to realize how powerful Shaq’s words are. Hardaway is a washup and a has been, while Shaq is still as superstar. And while his words will not get as much attention, they carry a heck of a lot more weight when I try to teach tolerance to the kids on my team. Another reason I like Shaq is that even though he certainly didn’t need it, he went back to school and graduated college a couple of years ago, again setting a positive example. Now, he’s not perfect (he’s had children by three different women, though the last one is his wife), but none of us are. Perhaps he decided to go back to school after he gave us one of my favorite quotes of all time: “My game is like the Pythagorean theorem; no-one can figure it out.”
RELATED: Writer Kevin Hench absolutely destroys Tim Hardaway.

A few last thoughts

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–Milton Street is running for Mayor. Ha, ha, a guy under federal indictment really thinks that he has a chance at being mayor? That would be like a guy getting caught smoking crack with a hooker on video and then still get elected Mayor! Could never happen.

-Carlos Mencia, whose show is about as funny as Brian’s Song, gets his ass handed to him for stealing jokes.

-Quizzo for the Cause postponed till next week due to low turnouts due to weather (At least, uh, I hope it was the weather.)

–Comedy Show Saturday!

Thursdays with Ginger

This week Ginger catches a cold…and catches a Valentine!
It’s been a rough week as I have single handedly kept Kleenex maker Kimberly Clark’s stock up $12 over this time last year. I don’t get sick often. And when I do, i have a hard time “stopping.” It’s kind of like when Mike Seaver on Growing Pains is sick and can’t go to school. He turns on the TV and can’t believe Gilligan’s Island is actually on. He can’t comprehend that the world goes on without him.

I don’t think I am quite that egocentric, but I do think I have to keep functioning as best I can under the circumstances. I worked all weekend and slept when I wasn’t serving up huevos rancheros. I thought “it” would be gone in a day or two but no. I woke up today, still hacking, with the realization that I could have a serious lung infection. I have been making light of the situation for days now, switching up the label on my illness to every other person I talked to. The one that seems to come up the most is tuberculosis. The wanna-be hypochondriac in me did a little research and discovered that over one-third of the world’s population now has the TB bacterium in their bodies and new infections are occurring at a rate of one per second. That’s nothing short of frightening. Most cases are developing in countries that are not.

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Around the Horn

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-The above photo of grass and telephone poles is currently the lead photo on philly.com. I haven’t seen such an engaging photo since that time I took a picture of the inside of my coat pocket. It was an accident, and I felt foolish when I realized what I had done.

–Tim Hardaway just said that he hates gay people. In case you were wondering, Tim’s a really smart guy who has seemlessly made the transition from ballplayer to businessman while keeping his dignity intact. Why, just last week, I saw him play a carpenter named Randy in a game of one on one on the showPros vs. Joes . Tim totally kicked his ass with that killer crossover, then poor Randy couldn’t sack Kordell Stewart. Silly carpenter.

-Michael Jackson might be appearing on American Idol soon. Realitytvmagazine.com reports that “several signs” point to the possibility that Michael Jackson will have his own “Idol” theme-week, and might even “mentor” the impressionable young talent on the show. Remember how well it worked out the last time that MJ “mentored” impressionable young people? This sounds like a really good idea. (from TMZ.com)

–Pat Burrell got engaged over the winter. Fortunately, the first time he met this girl, he didn’t freeze up (there were no runners in scoring position at the time.)

–Still collecting submissions for worst love song of all time.

JGT in today’s Metro

Hey gang, I just started a column in the Metro that’s gonna be running every Thursday. First on is today, so pick one up!
UPDATE: Here’s the link (thanks Trivia Art)

I’m Going Back to Kona, to Kona, to Kona, I’m GOing Back to Kona, Yo I don’t think so

Well, I promised myself a big trip after Quizzo Bowl and today I delivered. I purchased tickets to Kona, Hawaii for a couple of weeks, and I’m leaving on February 25. Word the f*** up. I haven’t had a vacation since, uh, I was like 15. Honestly. So I am gonna straight max and relax. OK, so that’s not true. I’m sure I’m gonna try to pack as much stuff into two weeks as I humanly can. That’s just how I roll.

I lived in Kona from March 1998-December 2000, and this is my first return. This will be the first time I have seen several very close friends in over 6 years. So for the next couple of weeks I will be reminiscing about my first stay there, which should certainly drive my site hits way down, b/c seriously, who wants to read about that s***? But I’m gonna write about it anyway, so just deal with it. And yes, I plan to blog while I’m there. Or maybe not. We’ll see. I am fired up!

Something’s in the air

Sorry I’m off to such a late start. But it is the holidays and all, so I went out for a hot chocolate at Darling’s Cheesecakes this morning. Ah yes, hot chocolate at Darling’s in the midst of a winter storm on Valentine’s Day. Boy, nothing more romantic than that! Unless you are a dude and you are grabbing that hot chocolate with Trivia Art. Then it’s not quite as romantic. Aww, screw you, I don’t even want a stupid Valentine! Just leave me alone!