Hey, I’m taking the Yuengling tour today. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back. Also, I posted on Craigslist that I’m looking for unique and bizarre music for the big event. Here is an e-mail I got back.
“hey!!! let me know if you would like to jam/ hear what ive got going… nothing else like it in philly! peace -Earl”
I wrote Earl back, asking him to be a bit more descriptive. Here is what I got in return.
“there is only one way to find out what kind of music i do ….call me if you want to jam. ‘talking about music is like dancing about architecture’- Frank Zappa
-earl”

Hmmmm. Should I be intrigued…or frightened?

The Cracked Eggheads won (impressively, I migth add, the two person team scoring 103) at the Good Dog on Thursday night, then gushed about how excited they are that an Applebees will be soon be opening right across the street. “At long last,” said Afrikaans Sampson of the Eggheads, “We get some decent food in this city. I’m so sick of going into a restaurant and not knowing exactly what the food will taste like before I eat it. Finally, I can eat something here that will taste EXACTLY the same as it tasted when I tried it in Des Moines. And there’s nothing that shows that your cooking some Grade A steak like smothering it in cheese. Mmmm-mmmm.”

Yeah, in Manhattan you might run into Flava Flav. But only here in Philly will you run into a Flava Flav impersonator singing along to the Rod Stewart song on the Mako’s jukebox and dancing in the street like I did on Tuesday night. And people wonder why I love this city.

Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City Star doesn’t think so. He thinks the NFL is wrong for not paying it’s players enough. A few thoughts about this topic: A) who cares? I mean, seriously, big name players hold out every single year. I’m sure TO has kept himself in shape and will be back on the field for week #1. B) TO’s right. He does deserve more money. And if he had handled this the right way, he’d probably get more. But since he’s an idiot and his agent is a snake who I hope is riding in a car with Toby Keith that plunges over the side of a cliff, he’s practically forced the Eagles to not give him more money. C) In the book of what not to do, how about rule #1: insult your Pro Bowl quarterback. Rule #2: Talk about the fact that your family is starving. Rule #3: Pull above stunts in Philadelphia. D) I can’t believe I’m freaking discussing this, since it is the most played-out topic in the history of the world. I’m disgusted with myself.

Johnny Goodtimes apparently has a new title to add to his resume, as Philebrity.com refers to him as the “King of Karaoke”. While Johnny has occasionally wowed patrons of McGillan’s Olde Ale House with his rendition of “Flashdance (What a Feeling)”, he never thought that this alone made him any sort of karaoke monarchy, not even a duke or a marquis. Also, I think that their “pool gang” idea is kool with a k. I hit the pool yesterday at 17th and Catherine and it was awesome.

Here’s the article I wrote for the City Paper. By the way, Se-or is Senor. Apparently the enyae (sp.?) machine conked out.

Pro Hac Vice recorded a big victory at a private party at the Black Sheep on Tuesday, but it wasn’t really their biggest win of the day. Earlier, they had been part of the prosecution team that succesfully prosecuted O.J. Simpson for cable piracy. The prosecution had been presented a setback when the remote control for the television had seemed a little too small for OJ’s hands, but were able to perservere. O.J. said after losing the $25,000 that he was innocent, and that he would “never stop searching for the real pirates.”

This was written into the comments section by Dirty Sanchez under last week’s Locust Rendezvous story. Looks like we have a rivalry forming. “Jams might want to think about finding a different bar to do Quizzo in if they want to keep winning: Unlawful Presence is in the house and we’re holding on to the title. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. And once Jams leaves, you’ll be singing Bananarama: “Cause it’s a cruel, cruel, cruel summer. Now you’re gone. Leaving me here on my own.”

Also, this gives me a chance to post this comment about Toby Keith, just in case anybody missed it. This came from anonymous after I wished Toby a happy birthday and said that I hoped he would jump off a cliff. “To be fair, Toby ‘I’m such a dumb f**k that all I can do is spout half rhyming platitudes about ol glory while forgetting what it actually stands for and by the way how about my counrty fag mullet’ Keith should drive off a cliff in his new, freedom loving (except for the oil it consumes, thereby supporting our enemies- wow, freedom is complicated, huh you big Jackass?) ford oil guzzler. Then I’d be happy. But not jumping, that’s for freedom haters. I hope he chokes on his.”

And the picture above is of a guy who played at O’Neals a few weeks ago. The first ever JGT Quizzo Spectacular participant with gold teeth. Finally, be sure to pick up a copy of tommorrow’s City Paper. There’s an article by Johnny Goodtimes inside.

What does a fujita scale measure? No, not fajita scale. Fujita scale.

After the disgusting, shady pay raises voted on at 2 a.m. by our state legislators a few weeks ago, a website has been started in the hopes of ousting every single legislator who voted for the pay raise, regardless of party affiliation. After reading the requirements, I realized that I can run for state representative! All I need are 300 signatures from registered voters and $100. Something to think about.

A congressman is trying to pass a law that would allow prosecution of anybody who falsely claimed to have won a Purple Heart. The controversy stems from the Wedding Crashers web site, where you could print out a fake purple heart to show off to babes. The website has taken down the picture. But the crash kit is still kind of kool.