Month: April 2005

Ethics Committee Passes Controversial Legislation

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The Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee, alarmed by what it saw at Rittenhouse Square over the weekend, reached a controversial decision on Tuesday, outlawing upturned collars at all Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Events. “We just can’t have a hallowed event such as quizzo compromised by a bunch of toolbags who, for whatever reason, want to look like 16 year old Main Liners,” said Committee member Sparky Beefcake. “Therefore we felt a need to implement this policy.” Offending players will be given one warning. If the collar remains in an upright position after the warning, the team will lose one point for each round the player carries on with this hoser fashion. They will lose an additional point if the shirt is pastel. Finally, if a player wears two shirts with the collars up, as was seen at the Park on Sunday, said player will be beaten with a metal chair.
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“You Just Got Pittsnogled” by Bobby Badtimes

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Well, I made my first descent into the disaster that is the annual Philly Film Festival last night. The collection of short films I saw was called “The Philadelphia Experimental”. I thought that perhaps a more apt title would have been “The Philadelphia Sucksperimental”. Apparently, by it’s very definition, an experimental film is one that is absolutely awful. There was one, called “Lovebirds in Hell”, that looked like something my sister might have done when she was 13, if she had possessed a smaller brain and absolutely no sense of creativity. It was these two girls smoking a cigarette, looking forlorn, and then one of them goes to a corner and begins pouting. “Yibadee, yibadee, yibadee, uh, That’s all Folks!” Then there was one in which a bike messenger rides on a carless street, and a sign comes up, saying “Imagine a world with no cars”. Yeah, well if there were no cars, there would be no road for the stupid bike messenger to ride on! I felt like I was watching a bad Mitsubishi commercial. Then, there was one in which a bunch of asian women are swimming in a pool. About halfway through this film, I found myself staring at the exit sign on the door, because it was infinitely more interesting than what was on the screen. Oh, and apparently this film was supposed to represent French colonialism. Could someone take the pseudo intellectual who came up with this bulls*** outside and beat the living s*** out of him? Thanks.

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Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes!

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Well, gang, here’s your chance to make your dreams of glory and wealth a reality! Johnny Goodtimes is looking to franchise, and needs someone to host quizzo once a week on Mondays at the Dark Horse through the summer. However, Johnny cannot simply give away this prestigious position. You must show that you are mentally and physically prepared for such a demanding role. If you win, the next thing you know, you’ll be hanging out with cute gals in the stairwell of Good Dog. Or if you’re a female, there’s always the chance of a (gasp!) office romance with your boss! Not only that, but this is a paid position. $50 a week for two hours of work. $25 an hour ain’t bad. If you are interested, just click on “Contact Johnny” and send him an e-mail. The deadline to let me know you’re interested is April 22nd.