Month: November 2004

Johnny Needs Date to Winner’s Reception

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If you read last week’s City Paper, or have spent more than 15 seconds with Johnny over the last week and a half, you know that he was awarded “Best Dolphin Trainer Turned Quizmaster” by the good people at that fine publication. Therefore, he has been invited to a winner’s reception at Metro Lounge next Thursday. Now, Johnny needs a classy, beautiful date for that reception. If you can handle sharing the spotlight with an egomaniacal international megastar, please send Johnny a photo and an explanation of why you deserve to be Johnny’s guest to this highly prestigious event.

We Need a John and Stop Using the Bushes WIn


We Need a John and Quit Using the Bushes was able to pull off a narrow defeat at Doc Watson’s on Monday night. But their hard earned victory came with a price: shortly after the contest, three of the team members were stabbed to death by Dick Cheney. “We don’t need a bunch of wise asses like these if we want to achieve a new world ord-I mean an honorable conservative agenda,” said Cheney before slinking back into the shadows.

Aparna the Robot Wins at Brownstein Group


Aparna the Robot was able to squeak past the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, 83-78, at the Brownstein Group’s party on Friday. There were a lot of hot gals working there who were apparently intimidated by Johnny’s celebrity status, because none of them asked the award winner for his phone number. That must have been it. There’s simply no other plausible explanation. Another unfortunate turn of events: Dan H. refused to reprise his award winning rendition of “Crazy Lil’ Thing Called Love.”