Whiskey Lou Rips Monkey From Back

docwatsons_12_1-(Custom).jpgThe Whiskey Lou Rebellion, playing in honor of a favorite judge who recently passed away, were able to rip the monkey from their backs in convincing fashion on Monday, fighting off the Moe Syslack Experience, 91-86. The Rebellion, who had won the first quizzo they had participated in, months ago, and had not won since, were relieved to get a win. “Those monkeys were poorly behaved. They would hurl their own feces, screech through the night, and stab me with their swords,” said team member Sal Alamo. “I’m glad that’s all done with.”

Special Ed Ed WIns!

docwatsons_11_24 (Custom).jpgSpecial Ed Ed was barely able to hold off defending champs Vandolay Industries at Doc Watson’s Pub on Monday. Ed had a 16 point lead going into the last round, but the Industries were able to fight off a fierce buzz and fell by only by a point, 90-89. The Dildogs pulled off an almost impossible feat in Round Three, getting nine wrong-IN THE TRUE/FALSE ROUND! According to my calculations, the odds aginst that happening are 512-1.

Hard Times for Goodtimes

pressconference_custom.jpgAt a press conference on the steps of Capitol Hill, Johnny Goodtimes tearfully apologized for an error he made in last week’s Quizzo Spectacular. On the question, “True/False: Andrew Jackson was the first president born in the United States of America,” Johnny stated that the answer was true. His reasoning was that the first six presidents were born in the British colonies. However, after receiving an e-mail from angry fan Brett “The Barber” Beefcake, Johnny did more research. “Today, I regret to inform you, the fans, that an inexcusable error was made during last weeks Quizzo. Andrew Jackson was born in 1767, and Martin Van Buren was the first born after July 4, 1776. Though it did not alter last week’s standings, it is an embarrassment to me, my family, and my good friend Paris Hilton. I hope you, the fans, can forgive me,” Johnny said before breaking into uncontrollable sobbing. This has not been an easy week for Goodtimes. He was spotted twice over the weekend at Pat’s Steaks after 3 a.m. ,having obviously struck out with the ladies repeatedly over the course of both nights. Though the press conference was not seen on television here in America, it was seen on two different stations in Saskatchewan, where Johnny is very big.
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Atari Monkeys Fly

nicks_11_19 (Custom).jpgThe Atari Monkeys pulled past the Nation of Quizlam to win at Nick’s Roast Beef on Wednesday night. Two of the team’s players tested positive for steroids, but Johnny’s steroid policy was inspired by Major League Baseball’s. “Everybody is concentrating on the negative. I’m impressed that 50% of the winning team isn’t on steroids. Why isn’t anyone talking about that?” said Johnny.

Bloody Noses Win Historic Quizzo

doc_watsons_11_17 (Custom).jpgThe Bloody Noses, a team of local doctors “tying one on” to relieve the stress of having to perform open heart surgery in a few hours, were able to stagger to a 98-93 win over Special Ed Ed in the first ever Quizzo at Doc Watson’s. “You know,” said Dr. Chuckie Needlebump (in photo, top right) “This is my first ever heart surgery. So to go into it with not only a buzz, but also a win, gives me the relaxation and confidence I’ll need to perform so delicate a procedure.”

You’ve Lost That Livin’ Feelin’

nicks_11_12 (Custom).jpgLivin’ Feelin’ stayed alive on Wednesday at Nick’s, blowing out the competiton, making the Nation of Quizlam look more like a Banana Republic of morons. Actually, the Nation was able to finish second, edging out Fo’ Quizzel My Nizzel and overcoming a pathetic display by the defending champion Monkey Test-EZ, who couldn’t even crack 70. I will have an absolutely crazy story about last weeks quizzo on the website in a few days, so stay tuned.

Monkey Test-EZ Shock World!

nicks_11_5 (Custom).jpgThe Monkey Test-EZ were able to hold off the Thundercats-Hoe, The Nation of Quizlam, and Fo’ Quizzel My Nizzel to win the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular at the place it all began, Nick’s Roast Beef. The Monkeys were able to win despite having “Extra Baggage” Bagley (pictured at far right), who has an IQ that hovers around 30.

Comedy Show Bumped by Eagles

Realizing that there is nothing funnier than the Eagles wide receivers, the Finn McCool’s Comedy Show will take this Monday off, but will return on November 17th at 10:30 p.m. This also gives us an excuse to put Eagle cheerleader Micki on the website.
Micki makes me all tingly