I didn’t watch the Grammy’s, because they’re so stupid, but they still pissed me off. Who votes on the rap awards, Manny Mainstream? The winners were so pathetic. P. Diddy won one. Come on. P. Diddy is to hip-hop what George Bush is to the environment. Outkast is OK, but there’s no way Speakerboxx is better than The Root’s Phrenology. And while we’re speaking of lack of talent, hey Grammy’s, when you’re going to do a cover of the greatest band EVER (The Beatles), here’s an idea: How about not using Dave Matthews? I wish the Duke student cheering section would go to one of his concerts and repeatedly chant, “Over-Rated!” The reason my ex-girlfriend and I broke up was because she loved Dave Matthews, and I didn’t want to have any potential child of mine being raised around that bulls***. And Vince Gill helped cover the Beatles tune? What??? What are you going to do next year, have Al B. Sure doing a tribute to Dylan? Oh, and a quick message to my washing machine: What the hell is wrong with you? Why can’t you work in the following six hours after someone either takes a shower or goes to the bathroom? There used to be enough water in this house for all of my appliances. I haven’t redirected any pipes, so what the hell happened? Way to go, Philadelphia Magazine, for putting Heather Mitts and A.J. Feeley on your cover. What an inspired choice. How come Johnny Goodtimes can’t get an ounce of ink in this one-horse town while an ex-soccer player and the guy who holds McNabb’s jock get on the cover of every magazine? Saw the movie “Miracle” on Friday night. It was pretty good, but they left out the best Herb Brooks line. With the team trailing Finland by a goal going into the third period of the final game of the ’80 Olympics, Brooks shouted at the team, “If you don’t win this one, you’re going to take it to your graves.” He began to walk out the door, then turned around, stared at his team, and yelled again. “To your f****** graves!” That’s hardcore. Barbershop 2 was the #1 movie in America. Are you kidding me? The first one sucked, and I can’t imagine the sequel being any better. If you want to bash me, please feel free, either on the message board or directly below. Oh, that’s one more thing. You people bust my chops every time I do Quizzo, but then you’re such sissies you won’t put your feelings in writing. Come on! I’m Johnny Goodtimes. Beware My Wrath!

First of all, I would like to thank the crew at the Bards for their stirring rendition of “Happy Birthday.” That being said, it’s time to start bashing. At O’Neals, everyone knew it was my birthday, but nobody offered me a drink. Everyone starts next weeks game with -5 points. What’s with this Janet Jackson uproar? These idiots who are screaming about it don’t care that every other tv and movie trailer features somebody getting blown up or shot, but all of a sudden our children are going to grow up to be bad people because they saw a split second of Janet Jackson’s boob? Also, was I the only one hoping against hope that Willie Nelson was going to wheel around and kick Toby Keith in the nads during their pregame duo? Boy, the Sixers look good. Oh, yeah, did you see the people of Boston have a ticker tape parade yesterday? And then, come next October, they’re going to be crying about how they’re “cursed” when the Red Sox choke again. Almost makes you want to root for the Yankees. But not quite. By the way, there has been a lot of booing for some of the winners lately at Quizzo. And I think that’s great. It’s becoming a true Philadelphia institution. Also, nice touch at the Bards on Tuesday. When some idiot shouted out an answer, the players began chanting, “A**hole, a**hole,” in Duke student-section style. However, I was not pleased when that same chant was turned on me moments later when the players didn’t like one of the questions. Everyone at the Bards starts next week with -5 points. If you have any personal vendettas, or would like to blast me, just click on comments and go for it. Until next week, I am Johnny Goodtimes. Beware my wrath!