Beware My Wrath

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Alright, it’s time for Johnny to start kicking ass again. Hey, Philadelphia Weekly, how about ANOTHER cover story about real estate next week!! What’s this, like four in the last two months? Don’t worry, stories about real estate never get boring! That’s why “Real Estate Illustrated” has so many loyal subscribers. Hey, if I see a guy walking around wearing a Ralph Lauren polo shirt with the collar up, and I shoot him, has a crime really been committed? That’s it!! I’m throwing away my washing machine. What the hell. I mean, I’ll put clothes in on a Tuesday, and the water kicks in on a Thursday. No lie. Speaking of laundry, I’ve got a personal message for the crackhead who stole my laundry: Give it back! I saw you a couple of weeks ago at a resaurant near my house, but I didn’t go in and kick your ass because I think one of the waitresses there is cute and I don’t want her to think I just walk around town kicking crackheads’ asses. So you’re lucky!!! Speaking of women, is there a single one in Philly with a sense of humor? I mean, this new craigslist posting I put up is just plain funny. Why no responses? Wanna say thanks to everybody who came out for quizzo last night. There was a debate and a big baseball game last night and you still represented. Thanks again. Ok, enough with the sincerity. I think the Eagles should go to the videotape and find out who the idiots were who were calling for AJ Feeley to take over for McNabb last year, and make sure they are NEVER ALLOWED TO ENTER THE LINC AGAIN!!! The Eagles have the 3rd best QB in football and Feeley can’t even win the starting job on one of the worst teams in football history. Also, anyone who watched the three debates and is still voting for George Bush should have their clothes stolen by a crackhead! The only way Bush can get my vote is if he starts a gestapo that makes Celine Dion and her fans “disappear.” And what’s the deal with “Rock, Paper, Scissors”? CP has an interview with the Philadelphia “champion” this week. Hey, next week how about an interview with Philadelphia’s coin flipping…hey, wait a minute. What’s Paper, Rock, Saddam doing here? If you got a problem with any of the above statements, please comment below. My name is Johnny Goodtimes. Beware My Wrath!!!

Local Quizmaster to Help Cast Upcoming WB Reality Show

PHILADELPHIA, PA (October 12, 2004) – Local Quizmaster Johnny Goodtimes is helping Philadelphia Casting locate worthy candidates for an upcoming reality/quiz show on the WB Network. The national program, as of yet untitled and due to be released next year, will feature single males between the ages of 21-35 with above average IQs.

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Dork of the Week!

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Remember Katie Sometimes (left), the hottie who tried out for the “Be the Next JGT Contest”? Well it was a big week for her. First, she celebrated a birthday over the past weekend. Then she became the first ever recipient of the Johnny Goodtimes Dork of the Week Award. When Johnny sent out e-mails on Monday, he said that the WB was the home of Moesha. Katie quickly fired back an email stating that Moesha was on UPN, not WB. This lame knowledge of such a bad show has earned her the dork of the week award. Do you have what it takes the Dork of the Week? Send me an e-mail telling me why you deserve to be the “JGT Dork of the Week”, and I’ll put you on the website.

Shuck it Trebek All Ears


Shuck it Trebek won big at Doc Watson’s, crushing 2nd place Dude Where’s My Cab, 100-85. “It was nice having Alex there, shucking,” said team member Allison Silverspoon. “It made things a lot easier.” Added Rosco McDowell, “Yeah, we shucked the smaller ears of corn. Alex shucked the big one.”