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Well, gang, here’s your chance to make your dreams of glory and wealth a reality! Johnny Goodtimes is looking to franchise, and needs someone to host quizzo once a week on Mondays at the Dark Horse through the summer. However, Johnny cannot simply give away this prestigious position. You must show that you are mentally and physically prepared for such a demanding role. If you win, the next thing you know, you’ll be hanging out with cute gals in the stairwell of Good Dog. Or if you’re a female, there’s always the chance of a (gasp!) office romance with your boss! Not only that, but this is a paid position. $50 a week for two hours of work. $25 an hour ain’t bad. If you are interested, just click on “Contact Johnny” and send him an e-mail. The deadline to let me know you’re interested is April 22nd.
Boom!
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Hunter S. Thompson is getting his wish: his remains will be shot out of a giant cannon! Also, I will be getting my wish: I will be shooting Celine Dion with a giant cannon!
Johnny Cash tonight
Hey gang, Johnny Cash is playing at Fergies’s (12th and Sansom) tonight at 10 pm.
The Champion Speaks
Proving once again that he has a mind much larger than a mere mortal, Johnny Goodtimes won his own freaking contest over 25 other people to claim the World Heavyweight basketball bracket title. Here’s the final standings. However, since he is barred from winning the prizes by the good people at Price Waterhouse, the awards will go as follows:
1st place-Brian Leidy wins dinner and a show of his choice at World Cafe Live.
2nd place-Joseph Hung wins a $40 gift certificate to Black Sheep
3rd place-Jake Neff wins a $25 gift certificate to O’Neals
There was actually a tie for third, but Graham “Don’t Stop Believin'” Baird failed to enter a point total for a tie breaker, and thus forfeited to Jake Neff. T.J. Gillespie put on quite a show, scoring less than half as many points as Goodtimes, and not having a single correct team in the Final Four. Want to say “Thank you” to everyone who played and I look forward to kicking your asses again next year.
Question of the Week
This former Yankee scored the first run in Washington Nationals history.
Pope Stuff
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Here’s the process that follows the death of a pope, from the smashing of his ring to “Habemus Papum”. Pretty interesting routine. And here’s an oldie but goodie: a story I did last April Fool’s Day about the popemobile.
The Truth About Hoosiers
With the championship game tommorrow, I’ll be watching the best sports movie ever made, Hoosiers, tonight. Here’s the differences between the movie and the real life team it was based on.
You got Pittsnogled by Bobby Badtimes
Remember how I used to hate McGillan’s Olde Ale House, because they kicked me out on New Year’s Day? Well, now I got a new beef. I went to McGillan’s on Wednesday for karaoke. I had hoped to do “Flashdance…What a Feeling” because I rock that song. But a bum ankle made the accompanying dance number all but impossible. So I just watched. Ok, here’s the part where I start to get pissed. Some chick goes up there and does the Celine Dion song from Titanic. As if that wasn’t bad enough, a bunch of people in the crowd, instead of being disgusted and throwing silverware at her, starts singing along. EVEN A BLACK GUY! I don’t know about you, but I’ve kind of put black people up on a pedestal of koolness. Well, that all came crashing down. As did my opposition to the death penalty, because every single person who sings along to Celine Dion should be executed. It will greatly enhance the gene pool.
Ah, Freedom of Speech in Bush’s America
It’s vital for our president to have these town hall forums, because it gives all Americans a chance to debate important issues, as long as they agree with EVERY one of his policies. Also, if you’re driving in Florida, beware of crazed Democrats.
To save you time…
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I have combed through all of those porn titles and come up with the best 25, because there are some dandies, but the list is kind of long. Just click below for the best ones. That’s a palm tree in the photo, by the way.