This is Pathetic

If TO had taken 35 pills, would doctors really let him practice football the next day? I mean, seriously. I don’t know what happened last night, but I believe what Terrell says. Remember a couple of years ago when everyone was convinced that Mike Piazza was gay, so he had to answer questions about it? I think this is even more pathetic than that. Nice job, drive-by media. I forgot, what type of champagne was John Mark Karr drinking on the plane?

Yeah, there were two things that could have happened last night. Either he had an allergy or he tried to commit suicide. But “Suicide” makes for much sexier headlines, more page views, and higher ratings. So you go with the suicide story and don’t lend any credence to the other very possible story. Another miserable perormance by our unaccountable news media who doesn’t report news, but reports speculation.

Relax

PH2005081002404.jpg
OK, before you go apes*** because you think that TO tried to kill himself, keep in mind that there’s a decent chance that he didn’t. Remember that this is the same drive by media that gave us Richard Jewel and John Mark Karr, a media that has no interest in accountability, only in sexy,explosive headlines. Police reports are by no means the final say in what really happened, they are simply what’s reported to the police. The woman reporting this might not have known how many pills were in the bottle before TO took them, and just said something in the heat of the moment. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this is a reaction to his pain pills. So wait until the facts are out before you freak out, because there’s a lot more of what we don’t know than what we do.
Related: Here’s the police report.

Ze Pain, Boss, Ze Pain

p1_burrell_all.jpg
The first question in last nights quizzo was as follows: “What Phillie outfielder is the worst player in the history of organized baseball, including my sister, who played t-ball and once ran the bases backwards? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not Shane Victorino.” Pat Burrell is absolutely killing this team, and needs to be benched for the remainder of the season, no matter how bad Dellucci’s arm is. Pat Burrell this year is worse than David Bell last year, something that I thought was humanly impossible. I honestly think that the Phillies would have a better chance with me at the plate than Burrell, and I haven’t played organzied ball since I was 15. I am serious about that last statement. I really think Burrell is so far gone that you could pick a random person out of the crowd and have a better chance of them sticking the bat out in front of the plate and getting a lucky hit than you would of Burrell coming through with runners on. I don’t care how much money he makes, or how good his arm is, he needs to sit on the bench for the rest of the year, and then be traded to the Devil Rays for a fungo bat and a resin bag.

Crunch time

mlb_g_howard_195.jpg
Last night was brutal. I mean, I left one of my favorite movies early to watch the last two innings, all for naught. But I’m keeping my head up. Last week, I said we had to take 2 of 3 from the Marlins and then beat the Astros. Ok, so we just swapped and came out of it 3-1. No sweat. We just need to go 4-2 the rest of the way to tie the Dodgers, 5-1 to win outright. The Nationals are terrible. Just intentionally walk Soriano every time, and we should be fine. I’d love to sweep, but I’ll take two. The Dodgers go to Colorado to face the Rockies, then to San Fran for the Giants. We are a much better road team than the Dodgers. We are seven over .500 on the road, they are nine under. I’m now going to enter the zen-like zone I entered during the RPS tourney and try to transfer my powers to the Phils to help propel us to the promised land. You’re welcome.

Like Whoa!

Ok, so this is unbelievable. There is a 110 year old man living in St. Petersburg who used to play Negro League baseball. And the coolest part (well, for me, anyway)? He grew up on 17th and Bainbridge, two blocks from my house! He played for a team called the Germantown Blue Ribbons, and though his memory of those past teams is a little hazy (those 110 year olds can’t seem to remember anything these days), he remembers having a good curveball and a good fastball. To put in perspective how old he is: Simmons, known as Si, was born on Oct. 14, 1895 — the same year as Babe Ruth and Rudolph Valentino, and before F. Scott Fitzgerald and Amelia Earhart. Thanks to James for sending this in. If you see any crazy news stories that would be fun for the site, please send them to me.

Rough night, rough night

Yeah, so the Big Lebowski was packed last night. Maybe even too packed. The Wheel of Terrific was, well, I dunno. It seemed to me to be one of our funniest yet. There was a game called “This is what happens Larry! This is what happens when you f*** a stranger in the ass!”*** in which the contestant beat the crap out of a toy car with a golf club. We also had three contestants in a row from New Jersey come to the stage, at which point I said, “What, is the Bleu Martini closed on Mondays?” But the crowd was only half into it, and at the end all I heard someone in the crowd utter was, “That was weird.” Come on, I need some of my quizzo peeps to come support the Wheel, because I do think it’s hilarious and I really think you will too. And the best part is, it’s even more hilarious when it fails, because then it’s just me and Chip up on stage acting like idiots. So it’s a win-win situation. Your next chance will be next Monday night for the Monday night football game. A’ight, I’ll be back to talk some Phils in the afternoon.

***Relax, mom, it’s just a line from the movie.