I’m not sure if the week can start on Saturday, but if so, then the week started with my confrontation with my ex at the Rock Paper Scissors Championship. But the Midnight Rider took care of her for me. We then move to Monday, when controversy reigned supreme at O’Neals. The team that always changes its name seemed to have the match under control, but faltered on the question, “What derisive nickname did Alaska acquire when the Secretary of State pushed for its purchase in 1867?” The correct answer was Seward’s Folly. They wrote Suder’s Folly. It was close to phonetically correct, but…For the first time ever, I put it to a vote. The vast majority of the crowd thoought that I shouldn’t accept it. It cost the name changers the game, as they fell to the Embarrasments, 94-93. It was at that time that the Break up the Champs portion of the week began, with interesting results.
Mets lose! Mets lose!
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. This World Series final is rather intriguing for the Phils, because they don’t have a third baseman, and this series will feature two former Phils who can ably handle the hot corner and who bat about .100 points high than Nunez. Yeah, the Cards may have Rolen the Tigers may have Polanco, but we’ve got the rights to Bud Smith and a relief pitcher rotting in a Venezuelan jail (above). We’ll also achieve total consciousness shortly before we die, so we’ve got that going for us.
Of course, this series also features managing genius Jim Leyland, who the Phils could’ve had, but decided against because he smokes and first thing he wanted to do as manager was get rid of Pat Burrell. What? Get rid of Pat Burrell? Is he crazy? Pat Burrell is better than anyone in baseball at watching a third strike pass by. How can you let that go? (Wonder who Joe Girardi is going to lead to the playoffs next year while we miss it by a game as our manager blows ten games single handedly.) But I’m not bitter.
If Johnny Knoxville ever invented a product…
…it would probably be something like this. Of course, if you are going to test a protective cup, it’s important that you recruit a hot blond from the local high school to load up the pitching machine. Thanks to Phil for sending this in. If you see some something crazy online, holla atcha boy.
This baseball poll pisses me off
Now, I know that polls are totally worthless and stupid, but I still want to take a minute to be pissed off at this one. The number one problem people had with baseball was the player’s salaries. What? I still have no idea why people hate to see athletes make what the market can bear. I really can’t. It would be different if anybody could hit a 98 mph fastball and these guys got picked out of a hat. It’s not. These are some of the most amazing human specimens on earth and thousands of people are happy to pay to watch them every night. Hey, if 35,000 people played quizzo every night, I’d expect to make $3 million a year too. Why doesn’t anyone think the owners make too much? Apparently it’s OK for old white guys to make a fortune off of baseball, but not OK for young people from a variety of backgrounds to make money off of it? I think that people are just jealous of young people with money, and they’re easy to lash out against. It’s just good old fashioned playa-hating, pure and simple.
Nerd alert, nerd alert!
-Apparently you, the premier nerds of Philadelphia, can have a say in what goes on in Allentown. That’s right, you can vote for Allentown’s new baseball team to be the named “The Vulcans”.
North Korea’s creepy hotel
So I came across some info yesterday about the Ryugyong Hotel, which is located in North Korea and is one of the tallest buidngs in the world. Pretty impressive for North Korea, having one of the tallest buildings in the world, right? But here’s the catch: no-one has ever spent a night there and no-one ever will. Construction began on the building in 1987 and ended in 1992 when funds dried up and a famine began. No windows were ever installed. So now there is just a giant shell of a building looming over Pyongyang’s skyline, which has to be depressing, like when you have a dead plant in your room that you just never get around to throwing away b/c you don’t want to admit to yourself that you killed a piece of nature.
MORE INFO ON THE HOTEL HERE.
The Departed
I saw the Departed the other night, and though I don’t usually review movies, I thought this was one where I’d throw my thoughts out there and see what you think. The first two hours are startlingly brilliant. Nicholson is amazing, but Damon and DiCaprio are really too. After two hours, I was thinking, “Man, I want this thing to go another two.” No I didn’t. The last half hour was a gratuitous bloodfest that gave me no satisfaction, and almost wasted the first two hours of brilliance. It’s like if, at the end of Goodfellas, Scorcese had said, “Let’s start blowing s*** up, just for fun.” The girl in the film is completely pointless. Her characted had potential, but in the end it was obvious that she was in the film because there had to be a love interest. I would highly recommend this film to appreciate the acting and the twists and turns of the first two hours, but I would warn you to be ready to cover your eyes repeatedly in the last half hour, as there’s more brains flying and than in a bad “B” horror flick. Anybody else see it?
Around the Horn
-Good news. They’re keeping the turkey testicle festival!
-Be careful women. Try not to get your breasts caught in escalators. As a special bonus, click here to see how these deadly machines work.
-Happy birthday, Ann Putnam, Jr. She was one of the girls whose testimony had numerous people killed in the Salem Witch Trials. Even more incredibly, she’s the only woman I’ve ever heard of named Junior.
-I do appreciate, long after the contest ended, the volume of haikus in the comments section. I think we’ve got something magical going on here.
Break Up the Champs Week!
Yeah, things have gotten a little too predictable as of late, so drastic times call for drastic measures. Therefore, I will be breaking up the top four teams this week to make way for some new winners. The Kingdom, the Jams, the Minions, and MAGMA will all have their teams divided in half this week, with no division allowed to have more than 3 players. (Come on, you guys can handle it for a week.) It’s the first ever quizzo handicap, and will make it all the more impressive if those teams still win.
Question of the week
What is the temporary name for the newest element in the periodic table?