TO vs. Eskin

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So I’m cruising in the the Crown Victoria last night, and I flipped it to WIP, and lo and behold, Eskin and TO are going at it (Click on the podcast to the right side of the page). Say what you will about TO, but he’s a hell of a lot more entertaining than most athletes today, and I really think that he’s a pretty smart dude (though I think he has a mental illness).

Quizzo Bowl 3: What a Feelin’!

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A sold out crowd at the World Cafe Live was rocking on Saturday night, as JGT turned it up to 11 and the Kenny Gates Trio rocked the house. In the end, the Sofa Kingdom stood alone as King of the Dorks, and the Champs dreams of a three-peat were dashed.

It was a night that had it all: devastating drum solos, major surprises, half naked women, a half naked quizmaster, and of course controversy. The night began with Alexis Brie Wildau performing on the ukelele. The crowd was a little skeptical at first, but warmed to her peformance when she kicked into Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”. She was followed by One Man Show David Smith, who played guitar while performing the human pretzel. (If the human pretzel is indeed something that is “performed”.)
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Finally it was time for JGT to take the stage. Despite assurances that I would not be rapping, I surprised everyone by opening the show with some totally ill hip-hop. With the Bears in the Super Bowl, it was obvious what song I had to rap: The Quizzo Bowl Shuffle. It was then time for the actual contest to begin.

There were 37 teams, and 6 of them emerged from the first round unscathed. My dad’s team was in last after one round. But they rebounded strongly acing round number 2, the 50/50 round (Chicago or Indy). The Satan’s MInions were the only team to make it thru two rounds without missing a question, and they held a narrow 37-36 lead over MAGMA after two.
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Halftime saw the emegence of the Hellcat Girls (They were the same as the Bawdy Girls I had been promoting, but they just wanted me to announce them by a different name). The reaction to their performance was mixed, as I believe they usually play in wilder, rowdier venues. I didn’t see any of it, as I was preparing for my song and dance number. When they were done, I emerged from the back wearing a lacy tux, but it didn’t stay on long. Though I only performed Flashdance for about 2 minutes, the performance was enough to firmly establish me as one of Philly’s most talented singers and dancers. Again, I hope to have video tommorrow.
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The Champs had struggled through two rounds, but made their move in Round Three, as they were the only team to ace the Sexy and Risque Wild Card Round. But even a perfect round only put them in 2nd, behind the shocking leaders after three: Barbaro’s S & M: Beating a Dead Horse, a team led by Trivia Art and Smackdown. After another incredible jam session by the Kenny Gates Trio, it was on to the Impossible Round, a round marked by controversy, finger pointing, and the emergence of a new champion.

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Breathe In, Breathe Out, Now Count to 10

Finally had some time today to work on the story for Quizzo Bowl 3. Spent about 2 1/2 hours of writing and rewriting until I had what I wanted. I then hit save, and that’s when I realized that the internet in the cafe I was located had just gone down. Therefore the entire story was lost. If anyone needs to contact me this afternoon, just follow the F****** sound of valuable things being smashed by a F****** baseball bat. You should find me nearby.

Another great Simms line

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Oh, there was another thing he said that I almost forgot about. I think it was about midway thru the 2nd quarter, after it had been raining for about an hour and a half, and one of the quarterbacks made a really bad pass. Simms said, w/o sarcasm or irony but to help us better understand the game of football, “I think there might be some moisture on that ball.” GEE WHIZ, PHIL, YA THINK SO??? What makes you say that, the five fumbles so far or the pouring rain that has drenched everything below it? I mean, seriously, how high of an IQ do you think a person has to have to make the deduction that after an hour and a half of pouring down rain, “there might be some moisture on the football”? I’d say 30. So I’m gonna guess that Phil Simms has an IQ hovering around 29.