The Donspiracist Presents: Are Futuristic Weapons Already Here?

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Dunno if you’ve been following the Donspiracist, but I really think his fun yet informative column has gotten better each and every week. This week is no exception. I really think you’re gonna enjoy this one. The future of weapons sound like they come from a sci-fi novel. And the future is a lot closer than you think. -JGT

Secrecy is the conspirators’ greatest weapon. If you control information about your activities, you then can operate without much scrutiny. The public cannot get incensed about what it does not know. This truism is particularly pertinent involving phenomena that are hidden in plain sight. These are events or technologies that are not protected behind the gates and locks of government high security, ala Area 51, but instead operate in the open, but are not given the attention by the media that they deserve.

Take Raytheon’s invention of a pain machine. The Daily Mail reported last week on Silent Guardian, a directed energy weapon developed by Raytheon for the U.S. military. The article discusses the small black box that, when turned on, “emits an invisible, focused beam of radiation – similar to the microwaves in a domestic cooker – that are tuned to a precise frequency to stimulate human nerve endings. It can throw a wave of agony nearly half a mile.” The report goes on to say that the machine causes no permanent damage to victims, but that the pain it causes is so intense that it cannot be borne by anyone in its path. If it weren’t documented, I’d label it science fiction. Can this be the future of warfare? Or, more specifically, police work? More importantly, why was there no mention of this device in the American media?

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Around the Horn, brought to you by the cast of 21 Jump Street

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–Trivia Art in today’s Metro.

-Me (briefly) in the Metro sports section today.

-Congrats Vesuvio! Their Cheesesteak BLT was named the best sandwich in America!

-This from Dan Gross’s column: Atlanta Braves hurler John Smoltz and a pal lunched at City Tavern (138 S. 2nd) yesterday on artichoke and smoked chicken salad and a turkey pot pie. Hahaha! Smoltz ordered the Martha Washington Turkey Pot Pie, the biggest ripoff on the menu! I know, because I used to…um, uh, nevermind.

–I missed this the when it was on ESPN a while back, but saw it yesterday and it is awesome. An absolute must see for Philly sports fans. (The first minute is kind of slow, but after that it is awesome.)

Must Win tonight

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Sad day in Mudville. The Phils blow a chance to make up on the Mets, and the Padres come from behind to win in the 9th, putting us one back in the playoff race. Funny how fast we can go from “This is our year!’ to “Here we go again.” Took about 15 pitches last night, until that pathetic excuse for an umpire gave Texeira 4 strikes and he blasted one out of the ballpark after strike 3. A nice comeback to take the lead, and you heard Harry bust out his playoff voice when Werth launched that homer. Chicken skin when I heard his call. But anytime your season is on the line and you are forced to turn to Geoff Freaking Geary, you know you’re in trouble. Tonight is essentially a Game 7. Lose, and we’re done.

Big announcement time: JGT QUizzo on MyFoxPhilly.com!!!

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Finally, your chance to play Johnny Goodtimes quizzo, without having to deal with Johnny Goodtimes! That’s right, I’ve started hosting a quizzo on MyFoxPhilly.com, and I think you’re gonna like it. I think it turned out pretty daggone good for our first go at it, and there are definitely plans to make it wilder and wackier in the future. More importantly, cyber-Johnny is even handsomer and more charming than human Johnny! And dig the sweet 70s game show set. So hope you enjoy our first edition, please pass along the word to your friends (if this thing takes off the sky is the limit) and stay tuned for more Quizzo action to come!

What will the Phils do?

Well, gang, let’s face it. We’ve been here before. Every single year, it seems. And every year we seem to blow one against the Nationals with three games left and a 1/2 game lead. But let’s not pretend that it’s not ours for the taking. Tied for the wild card lead with 6 to play. The team we’re tied with, the Padres, seem to be on the verge of a collective meltdown. The team right behind us, the Colorado Rockies, are red hot. But that is irrelevant. The Phils control their own destiny, which is all you can really ask for with a week left in the season. So what should we as fans do at this point? Throw caution to the wind, and BELIEVE? Or realize that this team is going to go down in history as the biggest tease ever, missing the playoffs by a single game every single year for the rest of our freaking lives?

The birthday of one of the greatest ever

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Today is the 111th birthday of one the true masters of the English language, F. Scott Fitzgerald. His short stories about the jazz age are, to me, as close as one can get to an actual time machine, and the skill he showed while crafting his first novel at age 24, This Side of Paradise, is astounding. And as far as I’m concerned, The Great Gatsby has only to compete with Huckleberry Finn as The Great American Novel. His real life was every bit as exciting and heartbreaking as the lives of the characters in his books. Here’s some good places to go to read and learn more about this great writer:

–Here’s a brief biography of F. Scott.

-One of his wonderful short stories, The Offshore Pirate.

–A fascinating look at F. Scott’s wife, Zelda, who was the first lady of the Jazz Age, but who slipped slowly into insanity as she got older, and died in a mental institution.

–An interesting look at the rivalry that formed between Fitzgerald and Hemingway, as Hemingway became jealous of Fitzgerald’s success, and blasted him repeatedly in print.

–A recent review of The Great Gatsby by Washington Post book critic Jonathon Yardley.

Eagles Outscore Fans IQs

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Went to the Eagles game yesterday with Trivia Art, and as you might expect, it was a lot of fun seeing the home team run up and down the field, steamrolling the hapless Lions. But you know me, I need something to whine about, so here goes: Just when I think that a lot of Eagle fans can’t get any dumber, they boo a quarterback who worked his ass off to be ready to play this year. Yes, McNabb looked rusty the first two weeks. Not surprising, considering he was coming off career threatening knee surgery. But while most fans would try to get behind their star quarterback and pick him up, the idiots here boo him and call for Kevin Kolb. Yes, he also said that black quarterbacks get graded more harshly than their white counterparts. I tend to disagree, but so what? I could care less what my QBs opinions on social issues are, I just want him to throw the damn ball.

And throw the damn ball he did, for 381 yards and a perfect 158.3 QB rating. I wonder what the idiots said then. “Feeley woulda thrown for 500.” If you morons want to see what a crappy quarterback dragging down a good team looks like, look at Chicago. Otherwise, either get behind your quarterback (the best, mind you, in the history of the franchise) or find a new team. This is precisely the reason that, while I never find a silver lining in a Phillies loss, the silver lining when the Eagles lose is that the jackass fans will be miserable for the next week.
RELATED: Remember last year, when the idiots cheered when Garcia got hurt? Then paid $125 for his jersey three weeks later? Fair weathered fans are the koolest!
RELATED: The 700 level calls fans idiots as well.