The Scoreboard, Brought to you by Explosion of Taste Frisbee

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O’NEALS

  1. Young, Old and Restless 110
  2. L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics 100
  3. We Got Nothin’ 100
  4. Hipster Holocaust 92
  5. Flying High 83

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 108
  2. Western Omelette 89
  3. The Guy Who Does His Job 83
  4. Just a Grope to See How JGT Feels 66
  5. Kensington Kitty Cat Killers 65

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. The Jams 114
  2. Bitter People Clinging to Guns 107
  3. Holo Rock 79
  4. My Mom Says I’m Cool 65
  5. Susan’s Peter’s 61

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Axis of Evil Knieval 107
  2. Satan’s Minions 106
  3. Duane’s World 100
  4. There’s Always $ in the Banana Stand 84
  5. Herve Villechaize 83

GOOD DOG

  1. Fort Awesome 90
  2. Lamda 88
  3. Underachiever 88
  4. Yuppie Douchebags 75
  5. The Whiffle Balls 55

BARDS

  1. Aiuto! No Prostituta 110
  2. Hurtin Bombs 109
  3. Western Omelette 101
  4. Sofa Kingdom 98
  5. Tatatata Touch Me 97

Final Film Fest Review


Oh yeah, I almost forgot I had one more review. Last Saturday I went and saw the Rocky Balboa Picture Show, which consisted of three shorts. The first one was called Rocky Jumped Over a Park Bench, and it was hilarious. Basically, the guy hosting it was a big Rocky fan and went to all of the spots in the area where Rocky’s 1-6 were filmed to see how they look today. Really great stuff, and apparently he’ll have it uploaded to Youtube in a week or so, so I’ll post a link once he does. Next up was Frankie 13 vs. the World. This one was a little weird. I couldn’t tell if they were trying to make a documentary or a movie. Either way, I thought they took Rock Paper Scissors a little too seriously. Not a bad film (and D-Mac and I had cameos!), but RPS is a minefield of comedic opportunity, and I thought it coulda been a little funnier. That being said, I still got mad love for Frankie 13, and look forward to destroying him in upcoming RPS matches. Finally, the night ended with This is My Cheesesteak. This was a flat out winner. I know I kind of get down on the ubiquity of cheesesteak culture in Philly sometimes, but this film was just flat out fun. Basically, a guy named Ben Daniels visited six of Philly’s most beloved cheesesteak shops and hung out with the owners of each, and got the story behind each one. He then had some fun by showing them a Hot Pockets cheesesteak and had them all try one. The results were hilarious. A true love story told by a former native now living elsewhere. You can buy this film by clicking here, and I highly recommend doing so. You are going to love this film.

Terrific Show Tonight

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All of Philly’s best comedy troupes are putting on a show tonight at the M Room that I highly recommend. Seriously, I’ve seen all of these guys perform and they are really talented and I really think Philly needs to do a better job supporting comedy. We’ve got guys here who are just as talented as anything New York has to offer, but Philly just doesn’t show ’em the love NYC shows. Make it happen! The Welcome to the Terrordome show kicks off at the M Room at 9 p.m., and is well worth the trip to Fishtown. Tix are only $10. I’m gonna try to make it, but I have to announce a basketball game between halfway houses (my life is weird) so it depends on when I can get out.

Off to the Ballpark


74 degrees and sunny. Can’t pick a better day to go to the ballpark. In the meantime, check out my latest in the Metro (I wonder if people are looking down at that clock on 17th and Chestnut) or read more about the Californian, the ship that failed to come to Titanic’s aid. The captain, Stanley Lord, became the scapegoat for the Titanic disaster. There is a still a vigorous debate about whether or not the Californian could have saved the passengers of the Titanic.

Land of the Free?

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Oh really? How can you call this a free country when a guy can’t even drive around with an alligator in the back of his car and a water moccasin under the seat? Huh?

Seriously, though, you know what’s most amazing about this story? It’s that having a pet water moccasin in his car isn’t even the dumbest thing about this guy. No, there is nothing, not even having a pet alligator, you can do that is stupider than being white and having dreadlocks. Nothing. If I saw a white guy with normal hair jump into a pool full of killer whales and a white guy with dreadlocks solve the Riemann hypothesis, and I’d still think the white guy with dreadlocks was stupider. Cut your damn hair.

An Explosion of Face to Face With Obama! JGT Shakes Hands With The Man.

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So I went down to Pumpkin to grab a chicken salad and while I was waiting, I ventured over to the little thrift store across the street. As I’m flipping through the CDs, a woman wanders in and she and the owner start talking about how they’re expecting Obama at the Philadelphia Tribune in about half an hour. I bought a CD , grabbed my chicken salad and headed home for my camera. I quickly changed shirts (from a Coors Lite shirt into my Phillies T. Oh, like you would have let Obama see you with a Coors Lite shirt on.), grabbed my camera and headed back toward 16th and South. There were cops on the corner, but I just cruised past them and walked down to the Tribune. The staff was all waiting outside (almost all of the men were wearing extremely sharp, colorful suits and looked like old timey newsmen. Very cool.) Apparently they had had to evacuate so the bomb dogs could come through. The ladies were giggling about Obama. A guy wandered over from a nearby construction site and asked me, “Whose heading over here, Obama?” I told him yes and he and I sort of hung out there, the only two non staffers waiting for the candidate. We started talking about the Phillies, and discussed the Santana-Hamels match up on Friday. One of the older Secret Service men wandered over and said, “I think Hamels could turn out to be another Koufax. He’s really something.”
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A police car pulled up, with one of those black cars that the bad guys used in Twister right behind it. Obama stepped out of the bad guy Twister car and called out, “Hey, how’s everybody doing today?” The staff hollered back “Great”, and he said, “Where we headed?” Security pointed to the door, but he said, “Let’s go meet these good people first.” He walked over, and I definitely got a little bit star struck. OK, so a lot starstruck. Probably the most startstruck I’ve been since I saw ?uestlove at Superfresh a couple of years ago. He was shaking hands and he reached back over towards me and said, “How are you?” as he stuck out his hand. I wanted to say something witty and urbane, really leave an impression, you know. So that later, when he was with his wife, he would say, “A guy in a Phillies shirt said the most profound thing today.” However, all I could stumble out was a course, “Fine” and with that he was shaking the next hand. I wandered home. You can see the hand (below) that shook Obamas tonight at the Rendezvous and the Black Sheep. I promise not to wash it beforehand, and I will let you take pictures of it if you’d like. (There’s another photo after the jump.)
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Continue reading “An Explosion of Face to Face With Obama! JGT Shakes Hands With The Man.”

Questions about Fictional Bands

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Here’s a round from quizzo last week: Fictional Bands and Musicians. Answers and music videos (including the last one, which is downright incredible) after the jump.

  1. What was the name of the band in O Brother Where Art Thou?
  2. In what movie did a band called Kathleen Turner Overdrive change their name to Barry Jive and the Uptown Five?
  3. This saxophonist was Lisa Simpsons mentor, and lost all of his money on faberge eggs.
  4. What was Eminems rap name in 8 Mile?
  5. On what TV show did Frank and Mac argue about whether to name their band Chemical Toilet or the Pecan Sandies?
  6. What was Andy Kaufamn’s alter ego, the lounge singer?
  7. What man, with an advanced degree, had a backup band called the Electric Mayhem?
  8. In what movie did Al Martino play a singer named Johnny Fontane?
  9. When the Blues Brothers played at the bar that had both kinds of music, country and western, what did they change their name to?
  10. This Elvis impersonator was WWF Intercontinental champion for much fo the late 1980s.

Continue reading “Questions about Fictional Bands”

Happy Bicycle Day!


It was on this day in 1943 that Albert Hoffman took the first ever dose of LSD and went for a bike ride. In case you are wondering, Albert is now 102 years old and going. He thinks that LSD is “medicine for the soul” and that it shouldn’t be outlawed. Here’s an article on him that was done two years ago by the New York Times. In honor of this day, I highly encourage you to do hallucinogenics before returning to work this afternoon. It will make the work day just fly by, and the boss will be impressed by your “outside the box” ideas.