A few months ago, JGT unveiled a dope rap jam on his Myspace. Well, he just did a new song for FOX network, and if any of you were unsure as to whether or not he had sold out, his debut rap video should put those questions to rest. This may be the whitest thing he’s ever done. Including quizzo.
Quizzo Tonight
Kick it off at the Good Dog at 8 p.m. This is by far the quizzo with the most parity, with a new winner almost every single week.
On to the Bards at 10 p.m. Not so much parity there, but a chance to run with the big boys of quizzo, as you take on Philly’s least favorite squad, the Sofa Kingdom. Hope to see you tonight!
You So Want Me…Oops, wrong number. Sorry Dude.
Last night after quizzo I went to say hi to a friend who works as a bartender in our fine city. You may not know this about me, but I am somewhat of a flirt, so at one point in the evening, I decided to send her a joke text message (trust me, I would never actually be this bold): “You so want me”. But as soon as I sent it, I realized that I had made a mistake. I had accidentally send it to the 9 dudes I had just moments earlier sent a text to about how much I hate the Phillies. Frantically, I tried to stop the message. I cut off the phone. Too late. Within seconds I had two messages. Within minutes I had numerous responses, which are posted below:
- NATE: Not as much as you might think.
- BRETT: Uh, wrong Mary.
- KOOB: You’re absolutely right, Johnny.
- ART: Boy I hope you sent this to the wrong person/gender.
- But the best answer came from GARBO, who very matter of factly wrote: I assume this is depression from the Phils crappy work today. I won’t count them out til this next series.
- STEVE-O apparently got the message this morning, as he wrote: Drink a little last night?
I have to admit I am a little disappointed that I did not hear from D-Mac or Vaughn. And as for Adam, who runs the Sidecar, well, as long as I never show my face in his bar again I should be fine. Here’s the impressive part: something even more embarrassing happened later, but I think I’m gonna save that one for my comedy act.
McCracken vs. Jesus!
The ultimate showdown. Who would win?
Win Sort of Big Prizes in the 1st Annual JGT Bad Writing Contest!
Bob T. was kind enough to inform me about the recent Bulwer-Lytton Writing Contest, where the goal was to write the worst opening sentence to a non-existent novel. Well, I am going to run our own little Philly contest in a somewhat similar fashion.
I am hereby offering Two tickets to the Academy of Natural Sciences and a $20 gift certificate to the Bards for whoever writes worst opening sentence to a non-existent novel (I’ll give a little leeway for an extra sentence, but total must be 75 words or less). 2nd place gets a $10 certificate to O’Neals. Historical fiction, sci-fi, romance novel, whatever. But here’s the twist: Your sentence must include the words “Alf Landon”. Alright, just send your opening sentence to me by Monday, September 15th at 5 p.m., and we’ll post them and vote next week. I’ll start us off with mine.
Alf Landon looked across the plains, the vast magnificent plains, and dipped his spoon into his Tapioca pudding.
The Geator with the Heater!
The Boss with the Hot Sauce!
JGT World Premiere Manana
- The debut of JGT’s first ever rap video is tomorrow afternoon. Just a little heads up. It’s pretty dope. In anticipation of the video to drop, I’m gonna give ya some of my favorite Philly rap videos.
- Reef tha Lost Cauze is the best rapper in Philly. Just my opinion but damn. Give it up.
- Above is Gillie, King of Philly. And here’s a little Beanie Siegel. This is a great song.
- And just for old times sake, here’s some Typical American from The Goats. And while we’re kicking it Philly Old School, we gotta throw in a little Schoolly D.
Quick Note
Happy Birthday Alf Landon! The loser in the 1936 presidential election would be turning 121 today. He actually died in 1987, at age 100. Which means that he watched Alf on TV. Presumably.
Quizzo Tonight
Kicking off at O’Neals (3rd and South) at 8 p.m., then off to the Bards (20th and Walnut) at 10:15 p.m. Hope to see ya tonight!
Sports Shorts: Blowout Edition
- The Eagles enjoyed a blowout win over the Rams, who will be hard pressed to match their 2007 total of 3 wins. But the Eagles weren’t the only ones enjoying a blowout this weekend, and 38-3 looks like a thriller when compared to the biggest blowout of all time. And in case you were curious, the Eagles biggest blowout win came in 1934, when they defeated the Cincinnati Reds 64-0.
- Arkansas State got off to a good start in their season opener, knocking off Texas Southern, 83-10.
- The record for biggest blowout in college football history was Georgia Tech over Cumberland College, 222-0. This game was a statisticians dream: Cumberland ran 27 times for -42 yards with 9 fumbles, and their QB was 2-18 with 6 interceptions. Georgia Tech had over 1,000 more yards rushing than Cumberland, finishing with 978 yards rushing. (They did not attempt a pass.) As the NY Times notes, Tech may have run up the score because Cumberland’s baseball team had defeated theirs 22-0 in 1915.
- Slovakia’s Women’s Ice hockey team may have just one upped Georgia Tech, as they defeated Bulgaria 82-0 over the weekend. They averaged one goal every 44 seconds.