Barry Bonds is just 11 homers away from the record, and guess where he’s playing in about three weeks? That’s right, the Illadelph. So the question must be asked, “What would you do if you caught Bonds 755th or 756th home run?” Of course the easy answer is keep it and sell it. You’d make a couple hundred thousand, and that would great. But this is baseball, and here is your chance to become a part of baseball lore. If you were the guy who hated Bonds so much that you didn’t want the filthy money that came from that ball and threw it back onto the field, your name would live in baseball infamy forever, and certainly Philadelphia infamy forever. You would go from being some schmuck who was in the right place in the right time to being a national hero. Would anyone give that a thought, or is it all about the Benjamins?
Rumors
There are rumors that Chip Chantry and I will be reuniting in a couple of weeks for a one time only Wheel of Terrific reunion. These rumors are absurd. Chip and I had a huge falling out after the Wheel of Terrific was taken off the air. I blamed us getting fired on him (he was repeatedly showing up for performances high on glue) and he blamed it on me (I spoke in broken Japanese throughout every show). So no, we will certainly not be reuniting for a one time only performance of the Wheel of Terrific. That’s just stupid.
RELATED: Chip reviews album covers in this weeks Philadelphia Weekly.
City vs. City Smackdown news
Here’s the latest: Several of the invited teams are in, including Sofa Kingdom, the Jams, and the Champs. I am still waiting to hear back from several, such as MAGMA and the Satan’s Minions. Rembrandt’s top team is also expected to attend. How can you get an invite? Simple. Win this week. Any team that pulls off a victory this week gets an automatic invite. The event takes place at Rembrandt’s on May 14th at 7:30 p.m. The winner will walk with $500, 2nd place gets $250. If you defeat all of the teams in all the other cities, you walk with another $450. Entry is $10 a person. The schedule is as follows:
Tuesday
O’Neals 8 p.m.
Bards 10 p.m.
Wednesday
Rendezvous 6 p.m.
Black Sheep 8 p.m.
Thursday
Good Dog 8 p.m.
Bards 10 p.m.
A Night in Jail
Well, it looks like America’s favorite racist drunken whore (sorry Lindsay Lohan) is heading to the clink. And we here at JGT headquarters couldn’t feel worse about it. Fortunately, I’ve heard that being a person of extreme privilege goes over really well in jail.
RELATED: This whole thing has inspired me. Let’s have some fun with words! A shiv (from the Romani word chiv) is a slang term for a sharp or pointed implement used as an improvised knife-like weapon…A related term is shank or shift. While the words are used interchangeably, the difference is that a shank is a type of shiv that is fashioned from the metal shank of a prison-issued boot or shoe. Since inmates were able to fashion effective shivs out of metal shanks, most (if not all) prisons no longer issue footwear with metal shank…Shank is sometimes also used as a verb, meaning “To stab someone, usually with a shiv, multiple times in a quick succession.” (Wikipedia. Photo courtesy of Numbmonkey)
Riversharks, anyone?
Hey, the Camden Riversharks are playing at home on Thursday at 11:05 a.m. Any men or women of leisure wanna go to? Holla at me if you do. Word.
Question of the Week
What did druggist John Pemberton invent on May 8, 1886?
Johnny Reads Philly Mag, so you don’t have to!
Got my new Philly Mag in the other day. Though Philadelphia Magazine isn’t usually that great, I do have to admit I get a little excited when I get my new one in the mail. Does that make me lame? Anyways, here’s what they’ve got in the latest one:
-The opening sections, the Pulse and the Good Life, are pretty forgettable (best handbags take up two pages of content). On one page, they plug an upcoming Scarf Tying Event. “Join us in learning the many possibilities of wearing and tying your scarves.” Wow, that sounds like a blast. Anybody know of any upcoming belt conventions?
-The Contrarian does a piece on how newspapers have become irrelevant. It’s actually a great piece, and blasts the papers for their exhaustive boy in the box coverage, which was ridiculous. Good stuff.
-The Loco Parentis thing is about how hard it is to be a mom on the Main Line. I think. I’ve never actually taken the time to read it. But if you are a mother on the Main Line, this column is a must-read. Possibly.
-An article on the guy who used to in charge of 4th Street Deli who is now in charge of local zoning matters. I don’t really care much about zoning, but the article did get me thinking about Famous 4th’s cookies. Mmmmmmmm.
-A story about the Rosemount lady who created the soaps One Life to Live and All My Children. Mildly interesting to me. But if you are a mother on the Main Line, this is a must-read.
-OK, now here’s the fun one. This one is about a guy who sounds so much like a douchebag that at one point in the column, the writer actually writes, “What’s most amazing about Dave Magrogan is that he’s not a roaring douchebag.” That is amazing, considering that he
A) owns Kildare’s, the ultimate douchebag bar
B) drives a Hummer, the ultimate douchebag vehicle
C) Well, I’ll just let you read this part: From there, Kildare’s is looking at spots in Baltimore, DC, Delaware, Florida, Las Vegas. Is this selling out? “Hey, there are over 1,800 Applebees. This is nothing.” He wants to be the Applebee’s of bars!
Yeah, if he’s not a roaring douchebag, it will be the most amazing thing since space flight. This is the must read column in this months PhillyMag. (That being said, I do have to admit that dude’s business acumen is pretty damn impressive. Went from broke to multi-millionaire by age 34.)
Continue reading “Johnny Reads Philly Mag, so you don’t have to!”
Around the Horn
–D-Mac interviews the co-chair of NORML in Philly.
-Foobooz asks, “Who has the best marguarita in town?”
-Hearty debate going on in comments section regarding music in Rittenhouse.
-Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse for the Phils, one of their starters gets injured while shagging batting practice fly balls. Garcia is not the only Phillies pitcher to ever suffer a strange injury. Before he joined the Phils, Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.
I heartily endorse this product
There’s a par-tay going down on Friday and I heartily encourage you guys to attend. In fact, it’s kind of ridiculous how cheap this thing is. Ten bucks for all you can drink beer, bowling, and two DJs. You can order tickets by clicking here.
Friday, May 11th, 2007
9PM – 1AM
16th & Shunk
Philadelphia, PA, USA
$10
Jams Win
What group gave us the following lyrics:
I smoke on the mic like smokin Joe Frazier
The hell raiser, raisin hell with the flavor
Terrorize the jam like troops in Pakistan
Swingin through your town like your neighborhood Spiderman