–Miss New Jersey released those blackmail photos this morning and, are you ready for this, they include one dude squeezing her boobs, one guy biting her boob, and her kissing another guy!!! OMG, that is like so grounds for, like, whatever. That whore! I thought she only loved me!

-You know how I did that thing on Lawchair Larry last week for the Metro? Well, I have an unbelievable update. A guy in Oregon went up in a lawnchair last week, though he got the proper permits, etc.

-Not to self: If involved in an elaborate plan to rob a bank, do NOT allow the other robbers to tie a time bomb around your neck. There is a chance it could end badly. I think I smell a Darwin Award winer.

-From Dan Gross’s column, I learned that Stephon Marbury will be promoting his new sneakers tomorrow at the Franklin Mills Mall. I have become quite a Marbury fan in the last year due to his attempts to make affordable shoes “kool” and stop the senseless mindset that somone needs a $180 pair of shoes to succeed in basketball or be popular. I blasted Lebron “Shill” James for his ignorant statements about those shoes a couple of months ago.

The Bush administration hates the Special Olympics, says the former Surgeon General. From the NY Times article: And administration officials even discouraged him (the Surgeon General) from attending the Special Olympics because, he said, of that charitable organization’s longtime ties to a “prominent family” that he refused to name.
“I was specifically told by a senior person, ‘Why would you want to help those people?’ ” Dr. Carmona said.
The Special Olympics is one of the nation’s premier charitable organizations to benefit disabled people, and the Kennedys have long been deeply involved in it.

I hate the Special Olympics too, but that’s because the “Everyone’s a winner” theme is too reminiscent of a communist force we worked so hard to overthrow. And you know how I hate communists.

–Trivia Art tells us how to celebrate the French tearing the heads off rich people in the 1790s in his weekly Metro column.

-Philadelphia Weekly blogger, quizzo regular, and all around swell guy D-Mac posts a column about Barbaro that is somewhat amusing, but not nearly amusing as the comments that follow from outraged Barbaro fans. “The echoes of the benefits for all horses brought about by this horse will reverberate for decades.” is a good one, which was quickly answered by, “just what are the benefits of this horse that will go on for decades? Glue only lasts a few years before its all used up.” Which was followed by, “I feel sorry for you that you can’t comprehend the power of love.” This is one of the awesomest comment threads I’ve ever read.

-Over/under on pics of my niece on this website before the end of the year: 734.

–Somehow I missed this like two weeks ago. (Fair is fair, I came across this in a roundabout way via Philebrity.)

As you may or may not know, my 2nd favorite Founding Father other than Thomas Jefferson is the vice president that he despised, Aaron Burr. And every year, the celebration of Burr’s victory over Alex Hamilton gets me all giddy, b/c Hamilton was a cocky jackass, although I think modern America is much closer to his vision than Jefferson’s. Anyways, Burr has been relegated to one hit wonder status, which is unfair and unfortunate. It’s like Buckner. He got almost 3,000 hits and all people remember is that stupid ball between the legs. He was a hero of the Revolutionary War (Burr, not Buckner), though he totally got screwed by Washington (Buckner got screwed by manager John McNamara, who should have replaced him with Dave Stapleton). Burr was a politician’s politician, who, after agreeing to run as a vice-presidential candidate with Jefferson, decided to wait around and see if the House elected him President when a snag in the system gave them an electoral tie. After shooting Hamilton, he moved out west, where Jefferson claimed he was starting an insurrection. It has never been fully determined what he was doing out west, but despite being hated by nearly everyone in the US for shooting Hamilton, his shrewd lawyer skills got him acquitted of treason. He then bandied about Europe as essentially a gypsy, crashing on the couches of friends until they got sick of him, then moving ot the next country and next friend. I think many of us can relate (to the crashing friends couches, not the shooting someone and being charged with treason.) Finally, he returned to the US, where he became an extremely succesful lawyer. But let’s face it, the highlight of his career was the duel. Here’s some good duel stuff to get you through the day:
*The 411 on the 187.
*ESPN’s coverage of the duel. Pretty funny.
*Letters exchanged between Hamilton and Burr before becoming college roomates.
*Read what the seconds and the attending physician said about the event.

I became an uncle for the first time at 2:00 p.m. today, as my sister had an 8 lb. baby girl named Lucia Marie Sullivan. Here are some photos of the babies first hours!

-This from Dan Gross’s column: Actor/singer Frank Stallone, younger brother of some guy named Sylvester, signs autographs at 2 p.m. Thursday at Fresco Pizza Grill (228 South Newtown) at the Shops at Springton Pointe, in Newtown Square. That’s right, gang! This is your chance to get an autograph from the man who played Grady Purella in Outlaw Force!

-Happy Millard Fillmore Day! It was on this date in 1850 that Fillmore killed Zachary Taylor with cherries and cabbage and then took over as president. Millard “The Nourishment is Palatable” Fillmore went on to be our GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER (at least until G.W. Bush took office.)

-The Phillies receive their first standing ovation of the season…when they help secure a tarp. Sadly, Rod Barajas did not get trapped under the tarpaulin.

-Baby expected this afternoon. I’ll have photos ASAP.

Well gang, the Sinking Ship known as the Philadelphia Phillies are going for 10,000 losses in the midst of a major slump (their 3,468th major slump all-time, also a league record). The question is, will my sisters baby get to witness this monumental piece of history? My sister is going to have a C-section tomorrow (the baby is now 2 weeks late, though the baby and my sister and the baby are both doing well). I will be staying until Tuesday, but will make it back for quizzo Tuesday night. Moving from babies to losers: The Phils are a mess, and the only drama surrounding this team other than 10,000 losses right now is this: will they keep Chris Coste when Jayson Werth returns? If they drop Coste again, I will refuse to follow this team anymore, because I will be convinced that the GM is sabotaging this team. It is obvious that Charlie and the pitching staff want him to stay. Check out this quote from Cole Hamels: “He’s got a great catching IQ. He’s so aware of what the pitcher has, what [the pitcher] is thinking and what the hitter might be thinking. On top of that, he puts up a great target. The way he catches it, he makes it look pretty.”

Hamels and Charlie aren’t the only ones who want him to stay. You can throw in pretty much any person who has watched Rod Barajas catch for more than an inning or bat more than zero times. And count in Mike Radano at the Camden Courier Post (who, incidentally, I used to hang out with every day when I was an intern with the Camden Riversharks and he was their beat writer.) And finally, when the Phils do lose 10,000, I hope the pitcher of record is Jose Mesa. That would be the storybook ending.