Hounded by women, despised by jealous quizzo players, Quizzo legend Ern R. Kern has been forced to go into hiding. “The heavy drugs, the beautiful women, the late night bar fights; it was all fun at first, but now it’s just getting out of control,” said the phenom. “I have to wear a disguise now just to go to the grocery store, or I might get molested by a gorgeous woman or sucker- punched by a jealous fan. Fame is certainly a double edged sword.”

PHILADELPHIA, PA (October 12, 2004) – Local Quizmaster Johnny Goodtimes is helping Philadelphia Casting locate worthy candidates for an upcoming reality/quiz show on the WB Network. The national program, as of yet untitled and due to be released next year, will feature single males between the ages of 21-35 with above average IQs.

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In this version of bowling, played almost exclusively in New England and Eastern Canada, the balls weigh less than 3 pounds, have no finger holes, and the pins are small, perfect cylinders.

Shuck it Trebek won big at Doc Watson’s, crushing 2nd place Dude Where’s My Cab, 100-85. “It was nice having Alex there, shucking,” said team member Allison Silverspoon. “It made things a lot easier.” Added Rosco McDowell, “Yeah, we shucked the smaller ears of corn. Alex shucked the big one.”

This will be Whodunnit Week at Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo. The action continues Wednesday night at Locust Rendezvous at 6:15 p.m., The Black Sheep at 8:00 p.m., and Johnny returns to Nick’s Roast Beef at 10:15 p.m.

Media Circus Surrounds Philly Quizmaster

PHILADELPHIA, PA (October 5, 2004) – Johnny Goodtimes, Philadelphia’s premiere spermologer (defined as a collector of trivia) and self proclaimed “King of Quizzo” was featured in today’s edition of the Daily News.

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After constantly hearing negative comments about the True/False Round, Johnny let it be known in yesterday’s e-mail that he would be willing to revamp round three if 200 people voted yes in the weekly poll. So far, only 23 have. It seems like you all don’t have the courage of your convictions. Viva la asalto de verdad/falso!!!

If five teams or more score 100 points this week, Johnny will sing “Rapper’s Delight” at the bars where the 100 point scorers played.

Who was the superhero in space on the Fat Albert Show? Also, remember that I’m buying a beer for whoever comes up with the best team name for the DC Expos. Just write it in the comment box below.

Johnny will be returning to the place where it all started, Nick’s Roast Beef in Old City, wednesday night at 10:15 p.m..